Unlasting

Ever lost a great friendship to unfair circumstances?---and I'm not talking death. It's amazing how even the stable becomes unstable so quickly.

Crystal pools of liquid grace

Across the years of hated waste

Tender thoughts, wholesome trust

Lost beneath the soul---sought lust

Sacred hope, dreams two tied

Buried long the path from pride

Need of needs solely sought

A lonesome heart came wrongly bought

Despite the love he'll make you choose

In the end it's me you lose

Once again, alone I stand

Upon this boat so far from land

Friends seem now so unlasting

A grand new phase, it ends in passing

Author's Note

was a sonnet. just forgot what i added after the glitch deleted it...didn't have them saved. so as for now it's an almost sonnet. =)

Reviews

[Riverdance]

"A lonesome heart came wrongly bought
Despite the love he'll make you choose"

I tried adding that to make it a sonnet...but I'm thinking it might interupt the flow. Lemme know if you think it fits or if I should just omit it and try again?

~Rd

[Catastrophe]

great emotion in the lines, truly well written. I love
the rhyming pattern that you used, nice work

[Bear]

;~) I've read this over and over; trying not to let the words make my thoughts/memories become sad, regretful; over times of my past that I still sometimes wish had evolved into something more than MEMORIES. Good thing thought about heart break, is that eventually that "grand new phase" you mentioned does begin and actually helps one grow and eventually realize that the past times that were so painful THEN, was the very mortar needed to support the foundation of the self one is presently. A fine write INDEED!! Thank you for bringing it to my attention!!!
Sallie Bear

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

River, I like the two .
I agree with you in a sense about friendship, it does seem to be becoming ' a phase of fashion to throw away when you tire of it ', those or this is a great line.
I think this is one of my favorite poems i have read in awhile ...
I have missed you and so glad to see you writing more ..
Great poem. Sure made me think.
I like the sonnet style , looks alright for sure.

Chloe
xoxo

[Windsong]

I love how you changed it to a sonnet =) Great read. Loving the Iamic Rhythm with it gone in the last lines for emphasis. ^^ Great Read

[Beth]

and yet another friend lost to life... yes, I think we can all relate. I have had a friend do the exact same. It's hard to lose good friends, but at least we harbor their memories and hope that someday they will realize their mistake.

[Benj. Taylor]

I love your use of rhyme. Generally it's something I avoid, but I think you've done it well... specifically in the last couplet where the rhyme is slant... it shifts emphasis to that last line, not just to the couplet itself (which is where it would've most likely fallen had the two lines ended in a direct rhyme).

Also, I think the poem speaks for itself--your explanation is unnecessary! I appreciate knowing what you meant to say, but you've done a great job communicating that in the verse itself. ...I suppose my only real criticism would be to watch your tone and to a certain extent your wording. Don't let yourself be overly romantic.

[Recklesseyes]

Very Emily Dickinson! I was surprised at how much I actually got of this, even before reading your explanations. Excellent prose! Would love for this to be even longer. Keep up the good work!

[Gandré]

amazing text. absolutely adored it. such a sad topic and masterfully explained.

[Jillian Alexis]

This is beautiful, yet hauntingly sad! You express your' feelings very well. Keep up the great work. I truly like your' style of writing...Hugz...Jillian