Key to My Heart

Key to My Heart

A Story by RivuletofSorrow
"

A metaphysical, metaphorical story :)

"
The Door was white like a snowy field. What was behind the door? thought Erick. He had always wondered what lay behind that mysterious door with its round knob and sanguine paintwork. It was the door to his home. He had purchased it three years ago but sadly he was deafly afraid of the carpet. Carpet is scratchy. It irritated his feet and caused blisters. He didn't wear shoes cuz he believed the devil's soul was in them. Socks were also evil.

The Door spoke in a giant manly voice. 'Do not open me Eric.'

Eric breathed in deeply. He paused. 'Challenge......wait for it accepted.'

He gently touched the door handle with a gentle twist. 'Ow. Meanie. I thought we had something special' wailed the door angrily. 'I am offended.'

The door was giving him the silent treatment from now on. 

'Don't be like that baby.' Eric rubbed his body up against the door. 'You're the only one for me. I will cherish your soul for as long as I live. When we die, we will be buried side by side in a carpentry shop, like you always wanted.' Erik got down on one knee. 'Door,' he stroked the door lovingly. He looked up but it didn't have eyes to look into. 'Will you marry me. We can be Mr. and Mr. Erik Doorman.'

The door nodded. 'Yes my love. But first you must tell me why you were away on that train! I have found your keys honey dearest. They're under the matt.'

Eric looked perplexed, 'Where is the matt?'

'Under your feet.'

Eric gasped. 'I never would've thought they'd be there!' He rummaged under the dirty matt. 'Oh some chewing gum! Tasty!' He ate it, enjoying the scrumptious taste of blewberry and twigs. After that, he picked up the key. 'Ah ha! I solved my quest.'

Door said, 'Your quest was to come inside.'

'You're a bit forward.'

'You asked me to marry you!'

'That was before I found the key. Now I have more options. Why buy the door when I can get inside for free?'

The door spat. Saliva landed on Eric's forehead. 'Ew! I loved you, my love.'

'Liar! I will be locked forever!' Exclaimed the door dramatically.

Eric jammed the key fiercely into the hole. 'It doesn't fit!'

'I have changed my locks. Now you must marry me!'

'Oh no!' To defy the door, Eric courageously, with his sparkling hand powers, turned into a snake so he could slide under the door. He didn't have feet any more. So he could lie on his belly an slither along.

Eric's wife came home. In her annoying high pitched voice she said to the door, hands on hips, 'Where is that Eric? I want to hit him with this mallet!' Eric's wife Erica pounded the door with the malet, 'How dare you shelter him from me! Why would you protect such a salmon!'

The door stood defiantly, its solid oak erect against her curved over body. Erica was hunched over, because she was extremely old. Eric was a gigolo. Erica was extremely rich and threw spray paint gold over the door. 'Take that!'

The door loved being sprayed. It was a make over. The door smiled without lips, it was all internal. Erica eyed up the door with disdain and a faintly erotic feeling. 

Eric, as we now know - as Eric the Snake - hid behind the door. The door angrily exploded

BOOM!

And the whole house crumbled down. Decimated. An obliterated home costing hundreds of dollars cuz it was a slum. Erica liked to live like a monk. Her hair was shaved off. Erica stood pleasingly knowing the insurance on her house would pay out. Then she'd be richer. 

Eric cried snake tears and blinked, though snakes have no eyelids in which to blink, 'The door is DEAD! WAAA!' 

Eric and Erica stood opposite each other and rubble was on top of Eric's back but he wasn't killed cuz his snake skin was supper strong. 

Erica bleatedly shouted obscurity and hit Eric with the malet. His body somehow was squashed by the malet and not the house, because mallets were his criptonit. Xs formed over his eyes to show Erica he was dead.

The door was upset and came back to life. 'You killed me!' Then it picked up the magazine from the doormat and read it, 'Oh Garfield's good this week.' Then the door choked and fell over like in Shakespeare's works.

© 2014 RivuletofSorrow



Author's Note

RivuletofSorrow
Honest Comments plz

My Review

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Featured Review

Main problem I am seeing here is the glaring number of typos, many of which would have been caught with a simple proofread and spell-check; a spell-check should ALWAYS be done before posting something, if nothing else, as a courtesy to your readers--a copy-edit and a few proofreads are a good idea as well, but a spell-check is a must. This aside, I did enjoy the erratic and absurd nature of the characters; and while the allegorical content lacked subtlety, it did have a good point. Perhaps if it was developed more, less blunt and succinct? I would also recommend tweaking the dialogue; it is very unnatural (which can be be good at parts, when you have this style of story, but not for the whole.)

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the positive comments :) I'll develop more just for you x



Reviews

You had me at the word Sanguine. Finally someone else uses that word other then me!!!!! ahaha Once again this had me laughing uncontrolable. I love your spntaneous nature that shines through your work. Keep it up :-D

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thanks. Yeah my styl is too write as it coms to me. x
Fenix Flight

3 Years Ago

well its working so keep it up!!!!
I would like to start by saying that I read Nusquam review and I have to agree with his view on "courtesy to the reader" , it is indeed a sign of respect. I have not got the knowledge nor the attitude to analyze the writings in the way he would do but having just read some of your poetry I could again feel your lightness and spontaneity even humour which are highly admirable qualities to have. I do have as a question then as to the message becuase the door although aproachable may or may not carry a heft significance. Eric too would have been the one that actually opnened the door and well is it that easy to go through the threshold?
Entertaining

Thankyou for the request



Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

You're welcome. I'll try. No, he didn't open the door, he turned into a snake and slid underneath. :.. read more
This could actually be a better work if you fleshed it out a bit more...it felt rushed in places. I loved the ridiculousness of it and the dialogue had a good pace. A quirky and fun piece.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thanks babes x
Main problem I am seeing here is the glaring number of typos, many of which would have been caught with a simple proofread and spell-check; a spell-check should ALWAYS be done before posting something, if nothing else, as a courtesy to your readers--a copy-edit and a few proofreads are a good idea as well, but a spell-check is a must. This aside, I did enjoy the erratic and absurd nature of the characters; and while the allegorical content lacked subtlety, it did have a good point. Perhaps if it was developed more, less blunt and succinct? I would also recommend tweaking the dialogue; it is very unnatural (which can be be good at parts, when you have this style of story, but not for the whole.)

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the positive comments :) I'll develop more just for you x
It's... interesting? Honestly, I don't really know what I'm reading here. But it is an interesting read. Should I be taking this seriously? Or are you being ironic? Well. keep on writing anyway :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank you for reading. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I wanted to write something abstract based .. read more
Ramiza

3 Years Ago

Oh... cool! Will do :)

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Added on July 2, 2014
Last Updated on July 2, 2014

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RivuletofSorrow
RivuletofSorrow

Toronto, Canada



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