I hate you

I hate you

A Poem by RoseIsNotOkay

I hate you because you're perfect
I hate you because you listen to me
I hate you because you care about me
I hate you because you're kind

I hate you because you understand me
I hate you because you know how to cheer me up
I hate you because you're broken too easily

I hate you because you break down
I hate you because you come to me with your pieces
I hate you because I can't fix them
I hate you because you choose the worst people

i hate you because you're too forgiving
I hate you because you try to fix others while your broken
i hate you because you refuse to admit that you're good
I hate you because you refuse to love yourself
I hate you because you're just like me

I hate you because you understand me
I hate you because you're sweet to me
I hate you because you're my constant
I hate you because If I don't hate you

I love you 


© 2017 RoseIsNotOkay



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I love the duality of the poem, the conflict of the two strong emotions, one existing because of the other.

I feel the last line in the second stanza doesn't quite fit, and since the thought (breaking/breaking down) is repeated at the beginning of the third stanza, you could just put it in the third, where it would fit better.
Speaking of the third stanza, I love it. Together with the first two, it suggests that the narrator basically hates the guy because he's better at fixing her problems. It all comes together in the last line, which I had to read twice to get the subtlety. It suggests to me that the narrator actually hates herself for not being able to help. This leads very well into the next stanza, where he forgives her for not being as perfect, thereby proving how bloody perfect he is.
Little combinations like "I hate you because you refuse to love yourself/I hate you because you're just like me" are a beautiful example of subtlety that say so much without beating the reader over the head with it.

I'm not sure about the fifth stanza. It repeats the "understanding" thought. You could transfer the two lines "I hate you because you're sweet to me/I hate you because you're my constant" to the second stanza, instead of "I hate you because you're broken too easily" (which is a good line, and I would keep it for the third stanza). That would make it four lines as well, as right now it's the only one with three, and it might go well with cheering her up.
You could even sacrifice the line "i hate you because you refuse to admit that you're good" to make that stanza four lines as well, as the next line ("I hate you because you refuse to love yourself") might include that thought. But that's really just nitpicking from me.

I also wondered if the last two lines would benefit from being in the conditional clause: "I hate you because If I didn't hate you/I would love you". It would bring out the idea that the narrator refuses to love him and decides to go the opposite way instead, if that was your intention.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

The last line said it all. I like the way you presented this poem. Well done.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love the duality of the poem, the conflict of the two strong emotions, one existing because of the other.

I feel the last line in the second stanza doesn't quite fit, and since the thought (breaking/breaking down) is repeated at the beginning of the third stanza, you could just put it in the third, where it would fit better.
Speaking of the third stanza, I love it. Together with the first two, it suggests that the narrator basically hates the guy because he's better at fixing her problems. It all comes together in the last line, which I had to read twice to get the subtlety. It suggests to me that the narrator actually hates herself for not being able to help. This leads very well into the next stanza, where he forgives her for not being as perfect, thereby proving how bloody perfect he is.
Little combinations like "I hate you because you refuse to love yourself/I hate you because you're just like me" are a beautiful example of subtlety that say so much without beating the reader over the head with it.

I'm not sure about the fifth stanza. It repeats the "understanding" thought. You could transfer the two lines "I hate you because you're sweet to me/I hate you because you're my constant" to the second stanza, instead of "I hate you because you're broken too easily" (which is a good line, and I would keep it for the third stanza). That would make it four lines as well, as right now it's the only one with three, and it might go well with cheering her up.
You could even sacrifice the line "i hate you because you refuse to admit that you're good" to make that stanza four lines as well, as the next line ("I hate you because you refuse to love yourself") might include that thought. But that's really just nitpicking from me.

I also wondered if the last two lines would benefit from being in the conditional clause: "I hate you because If I didn't hate you/I would love you". It would bring out the idea that the narrator refuses to love him and decides to go the opposite way instead, if that was your intention.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 13, 2017
Last Updated on June 13, 2017
Tags: love

Author

RoseIsNotOkay
RoseIsNotOkay

Dallas, TX



About
I've been through a lot, and I work what's happened into my stories. more..

Writing
I'm okay I'm okay

A Story by RoseIsNotOkay