Unwanted Attention

He loved watching her dance

Even with some other man

He loved seeing her face

Even when it was deadpan

He loved to feel her silky skin

Even if he had to wait for her to dream

And he loved to hear her voice

Even if it was her scream

She felt his eyes as he watched her dance

Couldn't he see she was with another man?

He was always staring at her face

She had to keep it deadpan

She thought she felt something on her skin

but assumed it was a bad dream

She woke up to his voice

And let out a terrified scream.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

nicely constructed and superbly executed. Love the two povs playing with each other. That was done absolutely marvellously. Stanza 1 Line 6 has a bit of musicality issues, but that's the only thing I need to critique about this. Everything else - the imagery, the narrative, the sheer brilliance of the ending - well done!

[Rosie McQzy]

I did have trouble in that area haha thank you for your comments and critiques :D

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[wordman]

well this is the reason women don`t like to be watched,,creppy

[Relic]

Wow, creepy poem and one that makes my skin crawl. You alluded to the horror in the beginning but I didn't expect the ending.

Nice writing and welcome to WC.

[Rosie McQzy]

Thank You for the feedback, I'm glad it had the intended effect. :)