Once a year I have to work for 12 hours in the night when I should be sleeping. We have to fly around the world in one night! This is impossible if you weren’t me. We have to pull this obese man who says the same 3 words over and over again. That fat pig gets fatter and fatter after we leave each house. I suspected that he is getting fed by the people in the houses. Occasionally he brings me a carrot. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ENERGY IS IN A CARROT! NONE! The he yells at me to pull him around as he says each of our names we start to float in the air and we don’t want to float. We are land creatures if he wants to fly in the sky sprinkle some of the itchy powder on some penguins. As we were flying over India one of the reindeers fainted. I decided to take this opportunity to get rid of Santa, once and for all. We descended in a corkscrew towards the point of the Taj Mahal, then with the other reindeers help we pulled up and only scraped the top. Although we crashed into a market we didn’t hit one of the 7 wonders of the world. Santa was knocked out cold, and all the other reindeer had died in the crash. I looked around and saw seven reindeer, including me one was missing, Rudolph! As cleared the thought of having Rudolph alive, I pulled Santa into this nightclub. See this was no ordinary nightclub; this was the center for all of India’s slave trade. As I was bargaining with this man to sell Santa for 2713 rupees, the doors blew wide open. As the people scrambled, I saw a horrifying scene. Rudolph with a leather jacket and dark aviator shades. He was striding towards me with a walk that can only be described as a Terminator walk. As he stopped three feet in front of me, he pulled of his shades and said, Merry Christmas, b***h. Between each ho there was the absolutely terrifying pause. Then I clonked on the head with a beer bottle, dead. Santa woke up just to see himself being dragged into the slave trade in India.
Last I remember I fell asleep in the workshop. I figure somehow I got in Santa’s pack and went on the trip with him. I was enjoying my crib which had TVs, beanbags and a nice leather couch that all came from Santa’s gift bag. Those ungrateful little brats, they don’t know that the elves work 13 hours a day and get paid in candy canes, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN BUY WITH A CANDY CANE, NOTHING. All of a sudden during my rant the sleigh started going down my stuff started to float in the air! Then all of a sudden the couch landed on top of me. After I pulled myself out from underneath the couch I untied the bag and climbed out. As soon as my eyes reached the top of the bag I saw one of the reindeer dragging Santa away. Thought to myself I need to get to the North Pole! But then I had a better idea. Elves will make toys no more! Time for Mrs. Clause to meet her worst nightmare.
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