Teenager's Dream

About beauty

She was puffing her cigarette
While leaning against an old oak
That I climbed in a younger spring
Grey peace surrounded her body
Like an aura of tearful joy
And disappeared with the wind
While it blew her hair
That smelt like virgin rain
She tossed the filter to the ground
Stomping it into the grass-dressed soil
And she faded into the summer air
Like a teenager's dream

Reviews

[Jessica Snider]

I love the feeling of this poem so much.

[Pj]

That was so beautiful...she held such sweetness in image, which you portrayed so strongly.
Nice job :D

[PhoeniX]

what an imgae.....good job

[Bellarina]

wow...i can almost see the girl that's being reflected in this poem. very good.

[KayOss]

I really enjoyed this piece. I loved the vivid imagery. I could literally see her there, leaning against a tree and puffing away. Then, much like ethereal vapor, she simply disappeared.

Grey peace surrounded her body
Like an aura of tearful joy

I must say that I loved this comparison. It's a wonderful comparison that I wished I could have conjured myself. However, because I'm not a smoker and generally disapprove of the habit, I doubt I could have. Still, I like the comparison and especially the fact that it is something so drastically different from my typical realm of experience. Also, you ditched cliched expressions in favor of your own. That also adds to the piece. Kudos.

[The Spaniard]

wow, well painted my friend. I could create a vivid picture in my head...great write

[Valentine]

This is a really good and deep write..I liked it very much and so picturesque..God bless...Valentine

[Brandon Taylor-Black]

Very picturesque. I could see it playing out before me. Your word choice was excellant and the imagery was second to none.
Overall, I found this to be an excellant write.
Bravo

'D'

[Lyra H]

Great imagery!