Ripples

Choices are stones,

Tossed into a silent pond.

Ripples dancing across its surface,

Marking the epicenter of the disturbance.

  The ripples meet others,

Forming new islands.

A path of stepping stones we cross.

Twisting, turning and evolving as we do,

Bringing us ever closer to the opposite bank.

Fog obscures vision as we step from stone to stone,

Choice to choice.

The choices forgotten,

But the ripples are not.

The bank offers rest and comfort,

A soothing end to a long journey.

But as our eyes close we notice the water.

What were once ripples are waves.

Our passage left consequences,

Rushing to meet us.

The man is forgotten within the once again silent pond,

His only legacy the ripples he made.

Soon they too have returned to whence they came,

To the glassy waters of the murky pond,

To silence.

Author's Note

Made an attempt at a bit of a metaphor. As always I'm totally open to advice to make my future work better. Hope you enjoyed.

Reviews

[Willow Radcliffe]

Excellent imagery. Is this a metaphor for life?

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Firstly congratulations on winning this contest.
A Very well deserved win.
Excellent poem and visually pleasing too.
Clive

[Tricia Pattinson]

Well Done! Congratulations!

[just Penny]

I was sent this by Persona, but am always open to new experiences. I like the imagery you use, particularly the opening two lines. It's true that ripples are wide and long lasting. That our every interaction impacts on another either positively or negatively. Silence has many connotations from hurt or anger to healing and peace. Interesting format but uncertain what the shape is? a tree perhaps? I wonder whether it adds any impact? I liked reading your poem. Penny

[Jack Wolfe]

First off, I was sent to your piece by Persona, though I don't know why . . . Now onto the review.

I think you did very well with the metaphor, a recantation of the butterfly effect, choices and lives lead to influential consequences. I enjoyed the format, and the final two-lines in the stanza really pulled this together.

Only thing I noticed:

Twisting and turning and evolving as we do. (I would add a comma after Twisting in order to prevent the double use of 'and' which will help the flow.)

Thanks for the read.

[SADS]

thanks i actually agree with you on the comma thing. I really appreciate the review btw.

[Jack Wolfe]

No problem, thanks for the entertaining read.

[Fenix Flight]

Soon they too have returned to whence they came,
To the glassy waters of the murky pond,

Love this part. No matter how big of an impact we have on this world it will in time fade to nothing.

I liked this poem alot. Thank you for sharing.

[laalaxox]

Enjoyed your use of the metaphor! Very nicely done! Lovely message showed!
"Ripples dancing across its surface,
Marking the epicenter of the disturbance."
Loved this part especially !

[Persona]

You've entered this for my contest and so far it's my winner :) I like your use of metaphor - they aren't contrived, they fit well and sound elegant. There is both a physical image that I see and a philosophical one I can interpret. It's beautiful, has a clear message and you don't try to sound smart, it sounds natural. It has come to you effortlessly. An excellent poem always seems effortless. Your poetic voice is strong.

[SADS]

Thank you so much. Very encouraging. It's nice to have someone show that they understand the nuances of poetic voice too. I'm actually a big fan of your work btw. Thanks again

[Persona]

You're very welcome. If every one on the site wrote like this I'd be really happy. Thank you so much, it means a lot when someone who has talent can see glimpses of it within mine too. :)