Crimson Sky

I had to write something for a class and this is what I wrote.

I dream of shattered hallways,

buildings, fractured and askew

Pitch black, caved in tunnels,

I cautiously trudge through.

Exit to a scene,

a nightmare of my own mind.

A burning, bleeding, broken world,

under a crimson sky.

Hellions torture humans,

cracking whips with roaring thunder

Flesh, sore and blistered,

in a flash, torn asunder

My veiled presence, detected,

demons race to claim to my soul.

Under frightened feet,

I crush the world, turned charcoal.

Running, fleeing, flapping,

I wish that I could fly.

My gaze shifting upwards,

towards the crimson sky.

Superficial freedom, promptly seized away,

I kick, scream, and struggle, all in of which in vain.

My hellish future creeping closer,

I feel the hands of fate.

Eternal pain seems imminent,

remorse comes to late.

In the distance, can be heard,

a thousand dying screams.

Suddenly awaking,

I exhale, just a dream.

Walking to the window,

thrilled to be alive.

The scene outside, to my dismay,

Is a Crimson Sky.

Author's Note

I'm not very good with poems, but feel free to be as critical as you want.

Reviews

[blakjassy]

This poem provides lots of imagery for the reader and flowed at a good pace... my only critical feedback would be to work on the rhyming patterns... some lines did not have a rhyming partner and others kind of had a match...

Please dont take that as a harsh criticism, it is only my opinion and if you are not that used to writing poetry... well keep going because this is an excellent start!

[amdc101]

You seem pretty good with poems to me...this is well written. It is interesting and held my attention. Well done.

[Lilly]

I think this is a great poem - great images, pace and story.

[there is no more from m..]

what a grate poem i liked it