Regret

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." - David Grayson

     A breeze brushed the rigid blades of grass throughout the field. A precursor to an ominous band that spanned the horizon. Lightning streamed out, thunder roared, the Earth drenched under heaven's tears. Gales whipped, the minute and insubstantial thrust aside. The wind swept upon a man and woman, together in the middle of the plain.

      The couple stood, embraced, arms interlocked. Tears, laughs, cries, indistinguishable, melded together in a sublime instant. Their thoughts focused only on the moment, frozen in time, together, they dreamed, hoped, that it would never end.

     They basked in the others' essence, accepted the flaws, and loved each one. Every difference, every trait fit together in a jigsaw, in a picturesque scene.

     “So long.” The woman murmured, her voice a choir of angels. “So long, and only now we feel this.”

     “I have felt this way for a long time.” The man retorted, a grin flashed.

     “Why didn't you ever tell me?”

     “I don't know.”

      He placed a hand on the back of her head, pulled her close. The woman fought the gesture, pulling away. The man mirrored the motion, until they could see into the eyes of the other. They peered through the windows, and straight into the soul.

      “But think,” She implored, “if you had told me, think of all the time we could have had together. All the hot summer days, the beautiful autumn evenings, the cold winter nights, and the spring mornings that we could have awoken to together.” The woman regretted aloud.

      “You're right. God, you've always had such a way with words. I regret not telling you and I hate myself now.”

      “Don't, because I love you.”

      “And that is all that matters. I could live off of your love if I had to.”

      The whirling winds, threw askew the golden brown hair across the delicate features of the woman. The man stroked supple tanned skin, brushing the maverick locks behind her ear, to reveal lustrous sea stone eyes. A tremor shook under the touch, resonated throughout the woman's body. Shook forth from the eye's of the ocean, a glistening diamond. Resting like a pearl in the corner, drawn by the inexplicable forces of nature. Pulled down, to form a shimmering path down her cheek.

      The man squeezed tighter, drawing her near, engulfing himself in the smell of lilies. The force of a thousand hands, compelled her to move towards him. The songs of a thousand voiced pleaded for her to move forward.

      They hesitated, hovering just out of reach. Thunderous roars echoed from the distant obsidian nimbus.

     “I love you.” The man said, smiling.

     “I love you too.” She responded.

      They drifted together, pushed by the hand of the gods, a hairs breadth separated, the first kiss. Every heart beat echoed, reverberated through the chasm of their chest.

      With a whip's crack, the rear of the man's skull exploded. The shock flung him about. The woman held tight to the limp body, she fell with him and his pieces. With a soft thud, they hit the ground, encompassed by a speckled radius of ceded flesh. The woman lay, sprawled over the man, her heart pounded, held like a vice to the corpse. She rose, to look upon the deceased.

     She looked deep into the eyes of the dying man, for the last time.

     “Why?” She croaked, her heart fell from her throat, a nausea ate at her stomach. “Why!” The woman wailed like a banshee. Her brow wrinkled, her head shook, her heart raced. The man's demise beheld by no human, but a tortured hallowed soul.

      The woman sniffled, vision blurred, but no gems clarified, no respite given. Once more, triumphant howls of darkened sky permeated the world.

“Sadistic gods with their sick sense of humor”. The woman said with an eloquent tranquility. Mercy given relief, the world around snapped back into focus. A humbling gemstone fled towards freedom. The glistening jewel, rolled down her serene face. She smiled, whispered “F**k my life”.

      With a whip-like crack, she met an equal end. The vicious seizure, knocked loose the rhinestone. The tear fell, a shimmering diamond in the abyssal darkness that encompassed the world in that moment. It landed, fatefully, between the dead bodies, of these two lovers.

Reviews

[The_Tom_Ward_Method.]

Let me start off by saying, that your imagery is breathtaking. The words you used were spot on, making evreything so vivid.

Now to the plot.

This isn't my usual cup of tea, I'll admit that. Though, it was well written, and I could see the point you were trying to convey.
But did it come across smoothly, and clearly?
Let's disscuss it, shall we?


From this, I basically got an overall sense of "life sucks." I see the point clearly, and you did a great job of getting it across. But the end seemed abrupt, the two lovers dropping dead . I just left me feeling a bit depressed, like perhaps the whole story wasn't there. Like maybe their was a piece missing.

I don't know.
Sorry if this this isn't making much sense. I just hope you understand my thoughts, and can use them in a helpful way.-Meg

[H-Jonesy]

I want to start off by saying that your vocabulary makes me want to cry.
It's extensive, by far, and is what drew me into the story. That and your amazing metaphors, and descriptions. Gah, i Loved this piece instantly
I cant pick at it in any way, or use the right words to describe how much I enjoyed this.

Lovely job.

-Harmony/Roxy

[Prateeksha Khot]

wow, that was great. Best of luck for the competition.