Here

Here

A Poem by Shannon

I was here,
In a community that doted on a little girl, bestowing affection
Where people gave time and told her of unimagined potential.

I was here,
In the places where frogs swam and birds flew
Where children laughed as the sun lit their play

I was here,
In a wilderness where snow fell and aurora danced,
Where cultures met and tried for understanding.

I was here
In a family where vegetables needed picking and brothers wrangling
Where laughter was common and there was always room for one more.

I was here,
With peers looking to find their way with youthful exuberance,
Through awkwardness and vivaciousness and pure hearts.

I was here,
In a room where purity was tainted and stumbled
When stumbling became a new kind of coping.

I was here,
At a gathering where pain transformed to ecstasy
And heart break followed laughter into the bottle.

I was here,
In a warm place for people to come out of the cold
With bellies and humanity fed in equal measure.

I was here,
At an altar where two youth became adults
A promise made to become one, then three.

I was here,
In the harsh reality of parenting, where tempers flaired
And love expanded to unknown distances and depths.

I was here,
Where others were feeling the same flair and love at odds
Where understanding might've needed knowledge and care.

I was here,
In the ether, where imagination took flight and people became more real,
Where patience could be tested, where sorrow and joy needed a witness.

I was here,
Tarnished, battle tested, weak and strong in turn,
Shamefully and beautifully flawed, fully human.

I am here.

© 2017 Shannon



Author's Note

Shannon
Inspired by a competition.

I know the tense is a little unusual. Does that cause distraction?

I had considered using 'I was here' at the end of the stanza, rather than the beginning.

All constructive feedback always welcome.

My Review

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Reviews

I was here. and thanks for sharing this nice talent.

Posted 1 Week Ago


I'm in love with this poem.

Posted 1 Month Ago


As in, "I was here (in 1985, when it happened, etc)" … a quite clear and appropriate tense, Shannon, and a delightfully rendered, creatively poetic autobiography, throughout the flowing measure of every unrhymed, unmetered couplet, and that is not an easy task, even for a seasoned poet.
Your refrains serve to tie the nuance of each vividly meaningful couplet together in a neatly constructed, charmingly fetching tome of your life, from naïve lass to knowing lady … and, "Yes, you are, indeed, here!"
There is techy stuff we could hammer-out, if you've the mind to … but:

Wondrously done, Lady-Poet … thank you most warmly! ⁓ Richard : )

Posted 2 Months Ago


Shannon

2 Months Ago

I may, indeed take you up on the offer to hammer out a few things.

You read this per.. read more
Richard

2 Months Ago

My words … inspired by your own.
Let me know if you'd like my edited take on this piece, Sh.. read more
dang this poem is so good if i could rate this to
1 to 100 I would rate this 100.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Shannon

2 Months Ago

Well, thank you. I have that option turned off to help me focus on the words, rather than the number.. read more
This seems to me like a realistic whimsy; a solid expression of real life pointing to broader life lessons. Thanks.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Shannon

2 Months Ago

Thank you Matt. Seems you really read it how I wrote it (although most readings completely valid)
Hmm, I like this poem very much. And I know you are going for repetition. But I do feel as though, with the amount of stanzas you have here, that the "I was here"'s become a bit redundant. Other than that, great development, and I think the tense adds to the poem's fluidity. Nicely done.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

2 Months Ago

Thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate the feedback.
Astounding. So far one of the best poems I've read on here, although I am rather new. The description in this piece is phenomenal, and your use of repetition and line breaks is spot on. I actually don't think i'vefound any flaws in this, although I'll reread it to be sure. Wonderful job!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

Thank you so much. I'm very glad that you enjoyed it.
It's my story, in sketch form.
It seemed awkward at first, preferring "I was there", but I eventually got used to it. Content-wise, it's beautiful, sad and true, like real life. Quite effective, a keeper for sure.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

I am glad it grew on you. The awkwardness appeals to me more all the time.

It is real.. read more
i think you handled the theme of a life lived through many years very very well ... to be able to get across each major intersection of the speakers life with couplets and paint a whole scene is pretty genius says i! the tense is a little "unusual"... one must be a listener to the speaker .. as taking a ride together, sitting in the passenger seat as the protagonist drives through the "hoopd" telling the story ...i am impressed with what you have accomplished in short order ... i like the end as is ..the ride is over ..we've pulled to the curb .. i feel expectation of this new place we are in ... sky is the limit right!?? ;) nice read for me!
E.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

Thank very much for taking the time to leave your thoughts. I'm especially pleased that you came alo.. read more
The structure provides an appropriate scaffolding for the sequence of thought, with its progression from the innocence of childhood to the experience of parenthood.

The poem is eloquent in its self-revelation and grasp of those details that are part of the pattern of life.. the frogs, that swan, the aurora that dance, the fed bellies, the altar... and noticeably, with age and maturity, the world of the poem becomes more considered - love expanded, knowledge and care, patience tested, joy shared and observed. Finally, the beautifully human being emerges, like a newborn child, perfect but imperfect.

This was a moving testimony, a profound statement of the human condition.

I enjoyed it so much.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Shannon

5 Months Ago

Thank you for looking at this one. Looking back the progression strikes me as both incredibly mundan.. read more

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26 Reviews
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Added on February 24, 2017
Last Updated on March 20, 2017

Author

Shannon
Shannon

Canada



About
I like to explore the world through the human experience, at once both varied and singular. Reading, writing and meeting people makes one's world larger. I enjoy connecting with people, learning.. more..

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