Inevitable

Inevitable

A Poem by Shannon

Inevitable.
Falling upon
Leaving only
Darkness

Wait.
Look
Do you
See it?

There
In the distance.
That glimmer
On the horizon.

The first ray
Breaking through
Chasing darkness
Striking out

Turn towards it
Tip your face upward
Feel the power
Let it transport you

Absorb the warmth
Carry it with you
For combat when falls
Darkness.

© 2017 Shannon



Author's Note

Shannon
All constructive feedback always welcome, especially in regards to punctuation.

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Reviews

Observing, pondering a sunrise and it's struggle against the dark. Not in a pensive way, but one of resoluteness. Very nice!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

Thank you. I like that language. Not pensive but resolute.
Great positive energy to this! Left me with a nice warm secure feeling. Steeled and prepared for whatever comes this way.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

That you. I was hoping to create that sense.
I love the short structure it emphasizes the fast tension. Great work :)

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

I am glad you enjoyed. Thank you for the read and review.
The romantic breaking through! Beautifully constructed. The taut lines penetrate the darkness wonderfully.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

I love these short, taut lines. I'm glad they worked for you.
I like it. There is an urgency to the piece, but with resolve. The terse breaking of lines adds to the building of emotion. Thanks.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Shannon

4 Months Ago

Thank you Matt, I appreciate the read and your thoughts.
I like the 'urgency' of the second verse, emphasised by the short lines. Lovely 'morel in the tale' of the last verse. Yes, we certainly need the warmth when darkness falls! I'm not sure why you titled it Inevitable? Because night follows day? Loved it.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Shannon

5 Months Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed. I feel as though it's inevitable that one will need to look for the.. read more
This is a well-crafted poem with an effective metaphor for portraying how life can be. The nuances in this poem transition seamlessly, with the first stanza creating despair and the second conveying optimism. I also like how you maintained originality in this piece by not using the "light at the end of the tunnel" cliche; you instead made it your own and alluded to it with subtlety. From a more technical standpoint, I believe that the line breaks, stanza breaks, and overall punctuation and grammar work well.

One part that tripped me up, though, was the first stanza. I feel like you could make it clearer what exactly is "falling upon leaving only darkness." I can assume that you're referring to the "inevitable" (as mentioned in the first line), but I feel like you can make it more connected, with the two parts connected as one sentence. Something like:

The inevitable
falls from the sky,
leaving only
darkness.

Also, I suggest making the "do you see it" into one line, not two. As two lines, it felt awkward as I read because I paused after the word "you."

Another critique: I suggest making this poem uniform in its punctuation style. The first three stanzas use periods and commas while the last three do not. Also, if the line "Wait." has a period, shouldn't "Look" have one too?

Hope this was helpful.
Happy writing.

- William Liston

Posted 6 Months Ago


Shannon

6 Months Ago

Thank you William. I really appreciate both the positives and the constructive feedback.
read more
William Liston

6 Months Ago

Sorry to be a bit annoying here, but the "read more" didn't work for me. If you don't mind, could yo.. read more
I love the way you've put together this dance in darkness & light, which represents how life can be, sometimes empty darkness & sometimes a ray of brightness. I like the way you inject your sparse descriptions with intensity, like the anticipation that's gradually growing from stanza 2 thru 4 . . . then the joy imparted in stanza 5. I feel like I've been transported just reading this! *smile*

Posted 6 Months Ago


Shannon

6 Months Ago

Thank you barleygirl. I am glad it resonated with you. Yes, it was a reminder to find one's light an.. read more
barleygirl

6 Months Ago

"Keep one's light & keep it" . . . this has been my struggle ever since our country went wacko with .. read more
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Zoe
I've read quite many poems with a similar theme as this one, but you portray it in your own beautiful way. Truly optimistic! There's always a ray of hope, and you prove it here. Well written!

Posted 6 Months Ago


Shannon

6 Months Ago

Thank you, I think we probably all need another reminder on occasion. Glad you enjoyed.
Zoe

6 Months Ago

My pleasure
Living on the coast (east coast) this reminded me of standing on the pier and watching the sun rise, it is like an explosion, a huge burst of light then the orange ball of ignites everything for just a few moments, then everything is peaceful.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Shannon

6 Months Ago

Thank you for reading. Glad that you were able to connect it to your life.

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23 Reviews
Added on March 10, 2017
Last Updated on March 11, 2017

Author

Shannon
Shannon

Canada



About
I like to explore the world through the human experience, at once both varied and singular. Reading, writing and meeting people makes one's world larger. I enjoy connecting with people, learning.. more..

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