Chiaroscuro

Chiaroscuro

A Poem by Very Old Account

Take away my breath
And render me helpless in your beauty
In your eyes, I see damage
I see myself
In your heart, I see
The darkness and the light
Let me absorb the confusion deep within your soul
Stay and I’ll give you all my love
I’ll give you butterfly kisses ‘til kingdom come
We’ll walk home together, hand in hand
I will be the guiding light to your destiny,
Lending you cleansing rains,
Pouring precious, silver mercury upon your head
Drip, drip, drip
I’m locked away in your soul
Drowning in pools of gray uncertainty
The light is fleeting, succumbing to the darkness
Your lungs are constricted in the shadows of doubt
No wonder you’re not breathing
Don’t fret—I’ll protect you, I’ll love you
Our love will last longer than diamonds
This world, colored in shades of gray,
Is only a hindrance and will not stop me for long
You and I shall overcome and bring in
The healing warmth of sun and color
We’ll grow, together and intertwined
Until the end of time

© 2009 Very Old Account


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I think that this poem has great potenial to be great, but it seems to be missing something, I'm not quite sure what though. I just don't think that your lines transition well into each other, each one seems to be just a little bit abrupt. Your poem was written with a good idea in mind.
Hope I'm helpful...

NightsShade

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on September 5, 2009




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