1923

A short, 3 page play I had to write for my playwriting class.

SCENE 1

(Scene opens to see a woman, ALLISON clearly exhausted on the couch trying to rest. It is evident that she is wealthy at the upscale appearance of her living room which is intricately decorated with vases, furs and a black and white theme. Her small Yorkshire Terrier dog, MOODY is barking and running around. ALLISON is pressing a throw pillow to her ear in efforts to drown out the sound, but MOODY jumps on top of her, leash in mouth and drops the leash on top of her. Frustrated, she rises.

Allison: Oh come on, Moody. The end of my day off and you need to go for a walk now? (hooks Moody to the leash). (groans) Alright let’s go, (walks Moody to the door) but I REALLY just want a drink right now. (stops, in thought) But actually, I could probably just grab one really�"

Moody: (starts to squat in a threatening manner)

Allison: Alright, alright we’re going. (they exit)

SCENE 2

(Allison is walking Moody on a sidewalk past houses in the neighborhood. Upon deciding to take a different turn and extending the walk a few extra minutes, Allison begins to question the urgency of Moody’s walk needs)

Allison: We have literally been walking for 15 minutes and you haven’t gone to the bathroom. FANTASTIC!

(The two are nearing an abandoned lot that Allison has never seen before, and Moody starts to get fidgety, and starts barking)

Allison: Oh my God, calm down. What, you’ve never seen an empty lot before? With a bunch of abandoned random items…is that a fridge? And a random telephone booth chilling in the middle? Well, gee me neither. (walks toward lot)

(All of a sudden an OLD MAN, dirty and with tattered clothing limps in front of her from practically thin air)

Old Man: Stay AWAY! STAY AWAY FROM THAT DEVIL MACHINE! DO YOU HEAR ME?

Allison: Gee, it’s just a mini fridge. I know they’re really not the most practical inventions b�"

Old Man: THE BOOTH! STAY AWAY! IT WAS A MISTAKE! A MISTAKE! Stay away or you’ll suffer the consequences. (turns around and calls out while limping away) STAY AWAYYY!

Allison: (after a moment of shock and a confused expression) Well that’s quite enough melodrama for the night. C’mon Moody, time to go home.

Moody: (barks, breaks off of leash and runs through the lot and over to the telephone booth and starts to bark at it)

Allison: (chasing after Moody) STOP THAT! You’re an animal! STOP! (picks up Moody, reattaches leash, but remains holding her). You silly dog, you’re from the wrong generation! People used these things for phone calls.

(Allison reaches with her unoccupied hand and opens the telephone booths door. The booth is dark grey with tinted, opaque windows and the word “TELEPHONE” on one side, but has been chipped off and weathered.)

Allison: (stepping inside) What…. the f**k.

SCENE 3

(The setting is 1923 which is evident by the swelling jazz music, old clothing style, and old one couple in the corner dancing very old-fashioned. Allison opens the door of the booth, to see that she is in a small telephone booth in the corner of a speakeasy.

Allison: (Horrified, wide-eyed expression) I DEFINITELY want my money back on that phone call! (steps out, walks around observing with horror) (to Moody) Toto? I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore!

(Upon hearing Allison’s remark, a young flapper woman, IMOGENE who was previously seen dancing with a man in the corner approaches)

Imogene: Hi, I’m Imogene and sorry to interrupt, but Kansas? Why, honey your in the grand New York! Have you gotten lost?

Allison: Uh… well no I was quoting The Wizard of Oz….But this can’t be New York…

Imogene: Hm, well I’ve never heard of any Oz, but I don’t believe in wizards.

Allison: Wait, what?

Imogene: Well you’ve just said you quoted some wizard fellow from Oz!

Allison: No… I meant the movie from like 70 something years ago.

Imogene: (laughs) 70 years? Wow, such an imagination. (looks at her head to toe) say, where do you get rags like that?

Allison: Whoa, give me a break it’s my day off…. Say, since I have that crazy imagination, I may have forgotten what year it was… So that would be…?

Imogene: (laughs) 1923, dear!

Allison: Oh… so like the not 2015 kind of 1923?

Imogene: Excuse me?

Allison: This has been a HOOT! but I need to like get the hell out of here. (heads over to bar)

Imogene: (to self) Such a peculiar young woman. (exits)

(Allison takes a seat at the bar and calls out to the BARTENDER)

Bartender: What can I get for you miss?

Allison: Uh, I’ll take a manhattan.

Bartender: (turns around, quickly whips up drink, turns around and slides it over to Allison)

Allison: Thanks. (takes drink)

Bartender: Ahem? (rubs index finger and thumb together as to indicate he wants her to pay him)

Allison: Oh! Right! (reaches in sweatpants pocket, pulls out bill) I’m sure a 20 will cover it. (exits)

Bartender: (takes money, looks at it closely, astonished and evidently confused)

SCENE 4

(Allison is walking Moody down the sidewalk and drinking her drink simultaneously. She is clearly astonished at the scenery, the buildings, old style cars, and all the people passing by.)

Moody: (Starts barking and getting fidgety)

Allison: (bends down to check on her) Oh what now?

(The old man seen previously appears out of thin air again, except much younger and cleaner. They are clearly the same person as his body shape and limp hadn’t changed.)

Old man: I warned you.

Allison: (shocked and startled, jumps up) Holy s**t!

Old man: I warned you, and here you are. You will now have to suffer the consequences.

Allison: What consequences?

Old man: That is not up for me to decide, that is for fate to arrange. You will learn. And you will learn not to test the patience of Irvin Virgil Patterson!

Allison: (laughs uncontrollably) Dude, that is the funniest name I’ve ever heard!

Old man: Shut up!

Allison: (laughter continues)

Old man: It’s my father’s name, now shut UP!

Allison: (stops laughing)

Old man: (stares at Alison for a moment, then exits).

Allison: Well that’s some s**t.

Moody: (starts running, tugging Allison along)

Allison: GEEZ! Why are you such a SPAZ!?

(Alerted from Allison’s yelling, a nearby POLICE OFFICER charges over)

Police Officer: Ma’am you’re going to have to come with me

Allison: Wha�" why!?

Police Officer: You do the crime, you do the time. (grabs Allison’s arm and hauls her over to a police car, cuffs her, and puts her in the back)

SCENE 5

(Allison is sitting on a small bench in a jail cell, Moody is on the floor beside her. Allison is clearly beside herself with confusion and is questioning the police officer who is at a desk outside of her cell)

Allison: So, is somebody going to fill me in as to why I’m in a jail cell? (under her breath) and maybe why I’m in the f*****g 1920s.

Police Officer: You know drinking’s illegal. It’s not advised that you go and break the law like that, miss.

Allison: OH MY GOD. What a world…

Police Officer: Well you might as well get with the times little lady, because they’re not changing any time soon.

Allison: If only you knew. (after a brief moment of thought) Say! Don’t I get my one phone call!?

Police Officer: Uhh.. sure, sure. But someone’s on right now.

Allison: It’s perfectly fine, I can wait my turn, but I would like to be given the option.

Police Officer: Alright, alright. (unlocks jail cell, takes Allison by arm and stands her outside of a telephone booth in the corner of the police station)

(After 20 seconds of a fidgety Allison waiting, the telephone booth door opens and a doppelgänger of Allison steps out. The two make eye contact in shock)

Allison: WHO THE F**K ARE YOU?

MARIE: Uhh.. Marie? And who the f**k are you to shoot such a snippy tone with me you…you Gypsy woman!?

Allison: O….kay. Say, my grandmother’s name was Marie….

(the two appear to be thinking deeply for a couple seconds)

Allison: HA! Small world.

Marie: I’ll say! (she exits, as she’s leaving she is still audibly is speaking) Gee, I could really use a drink right about now.

Allison: (steps inside telephone booth for a couple seconds, steps back out) Hey! What gives!? This is a telephone booth!

Police Officer: As…As opposed to?

Allison: A time machine!!! I need to go back to 2015!!! I can’t do this anymore, and I need a drink, and I miss my mom, and I want to watch the Wizard of Oz, which none of you have even heard of yet!!!!

Police Officer: Oh, the Wizard of Oz? Wonderful book!

Allison: What? Why are you all Martians here!? (sobs)

Moody: (runs over and begins to bark at telephone booth)

Allison: How many times Moody? A telephone booth! Watch. (she picks up Moody and walks inside it) Wait a hot second!

SCENE 6

(Allison awakes on her couch, with Moody beside her barking. She is in the same position we’ve seen her in at the beginning)

Allison: (opens eyes, sits up and looks around) OH ,THANK THE LORD! Just a dream! (thinks for a second) Unless……. Okay. Now I DEFINITELY need a drink! (exits)

Moody: (Picks up leash off the floor in mouth and runs after Allison)

© 2015 Samantha Tamburello

My Review

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Reviews

Nathan Cavaliere

A Criticism of 1923

I don’t want to be overly critical here, but you submitted it here on Writers’ Cafe for a reason, so I am going to assume you are alright with some brutal honesty. If I am being completely honest, I am not quite sure where you were going with this play. There isn’t a clear mood or theme, the characters are all static, and the language doesn’t seem to have a distinctive style to it. I didn’t really feel much emotion about this play, nor does it give me much to think about.

You took a playwriting class, so you are clearly knowledgeable about theatre. Think about some of the theatrical performances you have been in or seen in the past and their characteristics. Almost all of the plays I have seen carried with them a mood and showed this emotion through the characters, plot, and language. I don’t really see much of a mood here- it definitely doesn’t have the sorrow and disgust of a tragedy, the societal outrage of a traditional African American performance, or the fear of an atmospheric horror. It’s light-hearted, but it doesn’t have the jokes, creative wordplay, and bizarreness that defines a comedy either. Maybe you should consider what emotion you are looking for and try to incorporate this into the text.

Also, maybe think about characterization some more. Very few famous pieces of literature and theatre feature characters whose attitudes don’t change over time. How does transporting to this time change Allison’s world view and behaviour? She doesn’t seem to act any differently once she travels back in time, and we don’t get much characterization from the other characters. If all the characters remains static it seems unbelievable, takes away from the drama, dampens whatever mood you are going for, and makes the theme indecipherable. You took a playwriting class five years ago, so I trust that you have enough knowledge to know how to provide characterization.

Similarly, think about the language and voice this play should be written in to enforce this theme. As of now it is very informal and conversational, which both dampens the emotional effect and doesn’t make sense for the time period. You don’t necessarily need to go Shakespearean if you don’t want to, but you can still add more emotion into things while being informal. You probably know better than I do about plays where this is done. And even if Allison speaks in a contemporary style, the other characters from the 1920s really ought to speak in a more elaborate, lengthy, and flowery way. I have read a lot of literature from the early 20th Century, and even the supposedly unsophisticated people spoke a lot more formally than they do now. It could really emphasize the difference of the time period if the characters spoke differently from modern style. As of now the 1920s world seems indistinguishable from the contemporary world, except for prohibition and the lack of cell phones. Doesn’t make for much drama or emotion.

You were probably writing under time constraints, word limits, and other things associated with the assignment so I can understand why the product is the way it is. However, I think this story has a lot of potential in it that was not expressed well. It seems a lot more like an outline to a plot than an actual play as is. Maybe reconsider what you are going for and rewrite it accordingly.

If you are interested in the art of playwriting, then please consider joining the Playwrits' Society group here on Writers' Cafe. It's only me right now, but I am hoping to expand it. The competition was meant to raise interest for the group. If you have any other plays you would like critiqued, I would be glad to help a fellow playwright and view the works of my peers.

Posted 3 Years Ago

A Criticism of 1923

I don’t want to be overly critical here, but you submitted it here on Writers’ Cafe for a reason, so I am going to assume you are alright with some brutal honesty. If I am being completely honest, I am not quite sure where you were going with this play. There isn’t a clear mood or theme, the characters are all static, and the language doesn’t seem to have a distinctive style to it. I didn’t really feel much emotion about this play, nor does it give me much to think about.

You took a playwriting class, so you are clearly knowledgeable about theatre. Think about some of the theatrical performances you have been in or seen in the past and their characteristics. Almost all of the plays I have seen carried with them a mood and showed this emotion through the characters, plot, and language. I don’t really see much of a mood here- it definitely doesn’t have the sorrow and disgust of a tragedy, the societal outrage of a traditional African American performance, or the fear of an atmospheric horror. It’s light-hearted, but it doesn’t have the jokes, creative wordplay, and bizarreness that defines a comedy either. Maybe you should consider what emotion you are looking for and try to incorporate this into the text.

Also, maybe think about characterization some more. Very few famous pieces of literature and theatre feature characters whose attitudes don’t change over time. How does transporting to this time change Allison’s world view and behaviour? She doesn’t seem to act any differently once she travels back in time, and we don’t get much characterization from the other characters. If all the characters remains static it seems unbelievable, takes away from the drama, dampens whatever mood you are going for, and makes the theme indecipherable. You took a playwriting class five years ago, so I trust that you have enough knowledge to know how to provide characterization.

Similarly, think about the language and voice this play should be written in to enforce this theme. As of now it is very informal and conversational, which both dampens the emotional effect and doesn’t make sense for the time period. You don’t necessarily need to go Shakespearean if you don’t want to, but you can still add more emotion into things while being informal. You probably know better than I do about plays where this is done. And even if Allison speaks in a contemporary style, the other characters from the 1920s really ought to speak in a more elaborate, lengthy, and flowery way. I have read a lot of literature from the early 20th Century, and even the supposedly unsophisticated people spoke a lot more formally than they do now. It could really emphasize the difference of the time period if the characters spoke differently from modern style. As of now the 1920s world seems indistinguishable from the contemporary world, except for prohibition and the lack of cell phones. Doesn’t make for much drama or emotion.

You were probably writing under time constraints, word limits, and other things associated with the assignment so I can understand why the product is the way it is. However, I think this story has a lot of potential in it that was not expressed well. It seems a lot more like an outline to a plot than an actual play as is. Maybe reconsider what you are going for and rewrite it accordingly.

If you are interested in the art of playwriting, then please consider joining the Playwrits' Society group here on Writers' Cafe. It's only me right now, but I am hoping to expand it. The competition was meant to raise interest for the group. If you have any other plays you would like critiqued, I would be glad to help a fellow playwright and view the works of my peers.

Rating /100