Take Back The Night

I wrote this about an annual event at my college campus

"NO MORE HATE! NO MORE VIOLENCE! ONLY VOICES CAN BREAK THE SILENCE!"

"YES MEANS YES! NO MEANS NO! HOWEVER YOU'RE DRESSED, WHEREVER YOU GO!"

The joining chants of dozens of girls fill the once silent night... some of these girls violated, some broken, some living in constant fear, and some having felt so very alone in their endeavors... they walk the pathways of a darkened college campus united, illuminating the cold, windy night with only their hope alone keeping their candles lit. 

They are victims of sexual abuse and they are taking back the night. They are joined together and sharing their stories with friends and peers gathered to show love and support. Nobody dares interrupt. Nobody's eyes are dry. Everyone becomes one.

But unfortunately when the night is over the flames of their candles and within themselves has gone out. Their candles and spirits having illuminated the darkness they had felt themselves in so many times, has reverted them back to the deadness they once felt inside. 

Feeling so very alive and supported for the first time in years... one night of not living in fear... one night of having hope that maybe just maybe he will respect you. Maybe he won't overpower you or violate you in the most unholy of ways. Maybe you can go out and be looked at with admiration without being undressed in someone else's mind.

Tears streaming from cold, hard, dead eyes. Voices shaking...arms and legs... everything shaking. Long pauses working up the courage to go on with what he did to her... how he humiliated her and put out her flame. And how she survived... The room is full of thumbs ups... the listener's symbol to her that she is being supported in everything she says, and that she CAN find the strength within her to finish her story without breaking down... like so many had.

Some were wearing short dresses, some were fully dressed in their winter parka for their semester abroad. They were violated by their boyfriends, friends, family, strangers, exes, men, women, sometimes just one, sometimes a group... some of them drugged and some of them wish they had been so they didn't remember every vivid detail of the day they lost themselves.

So many "if only" "what if" and the ever so popular "maybe if I had done blank, it would have never happened", when it had nothing to do with them in the first place. Wishing they had been better clothed, wishing they had stayed home, wishing they had less trust for people so MAYBE it wouldn't have happened. Maybe he wouldn't have taken advantage of her if she just was more modest. 

A campus full of zombies, and ghosts who are humanized for just one night...THEIR night. YELLING. CRYING. SMILING. HANDS JOINED. CHEERING. CHANTING. 364 days of fear and the empowerment of sadistic men... for one night of security. Somehow it doesn't seem to make any sense...it's not fair... but it is the best they've ever felt.