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Stain

Stain

A Poem by PortraitsOfTheHeart
"

The story of death

"

The ending of a life is the worst kind of death.

Your world comes to an end when they breathe their last breath.

You wake up the next day and the world flies past you;

You struggle to keep up because the past has grasped you.

Why should you live when they lay in the ground,

What hope have you lost,

What joy can be found?

You wish it was you,

who froze,

instead of they;

At least they’re free,

when you have hell to pay.

The world is more dreary when their soul has fled,

Your own soul grows weary, your own strength is dead.

But come a few years when you come back to life,

You discover new hope in spite of the strife.

You begin to forget 

Though the memories remain 

The old clothes you have on contain a single stain.

© 2016 PortraitsOfTheHeart


Author's Note

PortraitsOfTheHeart
Please comment. I accept any sort of constructive criticism! Thank you!

My Review

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Featured Review

Ultimately, I felt like this poem could have been stretched out and more connected. For example here, "What hope have you lost,/What joy can be found?/ You wish it was you," What does it mean to lose hope or joy. Does dying mean these feelings die as well? What does having hell to pay mean?

I felt you could have connected these lines, "who froze,/instead of they;/ At least they’re free," I felt you could have extended the metaphor of freezing to being free."

I really liked the first line and the last couple of lines. I liked that you laid out the poem to talk about the death of other things besides just the ending of a life. This line, "You discover new hope in spite of the strife" gives a redemptive quality to it. I just wish it was extended more.

Thanks for posting!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

PortraitsOfTheHeart

7 Years Ago

I understand where you are coming from, but I have to disagree. Sure, this poem could be extended, j.. read more
KTizzle

7 Years Ago

Understandable! You're welcome.



Reviews

Ultimately, I felt like this poem could have been stretched out and more connected. For example here, "What hope have you lost,/What joy can be found?/ You wish it was you," What does it mean to lose hope or joy. Does dying mean these feelings die as well? What does having hell to pay mean?

I felt you could have connected these lines, "who froze,/instead of they;/ At least they’re free," I felt you could have extended the metaphor of freezing to being free."

I really liked the first line and the last couple of lines. I liked that you laid out the poem to talk about the death of other things besides just the ending of a life. This line, "You discover new hope in spite of the strife" gives a redemptive quality to it. I just wish it was extended more.

Thanks for posting!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

PortraitsOfTheHeart

7 Years Ago

I understand where you are coming from, but I have to disagree. Sure, this poem could be extended, j.. read more
KTizzle

7 Years Ago

Understandable! You're welcome.
That is the beauty of life. Yes few stains are hard to wash away from life. Nice poem, keep writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

PortraitsOfTheHeart

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much!
Writer at last! Sky ~

7 Years Ago

Welcome my friend.

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2 Reviews
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Added on December 11, 2016
Last Updated on December 11, 2016
Tags: Sad

Author

PortraitsOfTheHeart
PortraitsOfTheHeart

Houghton, NY



About
I am a Junior Writing/Psychology student attending Houghton College in western NY. I enjoy writing both poetry and fiction, which usually center around some sort of psychological or philosophical idea.. more..

Writing