Drowned Roses

Drowned Roses

A Poem by Sazaku
"

Darling bouquet of drowned roses, freshly plucked by the river of sorrows.

"
Darling bouquet of drowned roses,
freshly plucked by the river of sorrows.
Lush as the heart that sewed the seeds.
Red as the blood that paid the deed.

Dried in the same air we breathe.
Wrapped in the silks of our greed.
What more fair a price could I seek
than a brazen touch of her cheek?

Alas, the payment never did I receive
though I left the gift where we agreed.
In the meadow, by the gentle stream,
where you left me in this wicked dream.

© 2017 Sazaku


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Reviews

This is so good, love the rhyme scheme and flow.

Posted 5 Years Ago


the word elegant in three stanzas

Posted 6 Years Ago


Great job. Since you seem to include commas in certain places, you might want to add them in all the correct areas. For instance, after alas. "Dried in the same air we breathe" is quite nice. Quality work, my friend.

Posted 6 Years Ago


You've got some real talent, kid-- well, I'm assuming you're young since you are a student. Your 'word-sense' is spot on-- though I looked hard, I couldn't find a single forced rhyme in any of your stuff. (My own 'stuff' is mostly free verse because I lack the skill to make words waltz as you do: I'm not complaining as it forces me to try to make the words explode a bit in the reader's mind-- what I call the 'satori effect'. Not sure how oft that comes off.)
The beauty of your verse and your diction makes me think that you may have been born 200 years too late.Ours is an age of power and greed and a strange blend of unfaith and fanaticism-- hard times for poets and seekers alike. But don't worry about being a charlatan-- take it from an old man, we all are. And the reason is simple: because it is impossible to know oneself completely.Only God gets to do that, I guess.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Sazaku

7 Years Ago

I had to read over your review several times to feel properly prepared to respond, so you'll have to.. read more

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Added on July 26, 2016
Last Updated on August 17, 2017

Author

Sazaku
Sazaku

KY



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