Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack went right, Jill left,

In different directions to see

Who could reach the top first.

On his way up, Jack tripped on a

Rock and roughly tumbled all

The back down, blood

Spewing from his head.

 

Jill screamed, seeing this happen

But knew that she couldn’t do

Anything; she was afraid of heights

And as she sheepishly peered

The long ways down the hill

Her vision blurred slightly and she

Felt dizzy. She knew she wouldn’t

Be able to make it back down by herself

So, continued to run, she did, all

The way up to the hill, where

The pail of water sat, crying

The whole way.

 

She was almost there,

The pail of water was in sight

She smiled, silently screaming

    Her victory. Laughing, tears streamed

     Down her cheeks; Jack would’ve been happy

For her. But she celebrated, it seems,

Too early, for she slipped on the wet, wet

Grass and she tumbled down, down, down

The hill only to meet her death, her blood

Marking a trail behind her, her screams echoing

Through the trees.

 

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

to fetch a pail of water

Only to fall back down and get killed.

 

 

 

Author's Note

I rewrote the old story. I hope you liked it. Oh, and I don't capitalize every word that's not supposed to be capitalized, Microsoft Works does. I know, it sucks.

Reviews

[Gianna Perry]

Dark. Very, very dark. I like the new take on the nursery rhyme. It's a fresh change. Overall, this is really very good writing. I really enjoyed!

[Bridget Mcmaken]

Wow, well that is one way to write a old story to turn it into something new. But anyways. This was great!! really it was. You really twisted things around. Awesome writing!! keep up the wonderful work.

[Legion]

That was a twisted rewrite. Hope you don't kill me off in "The Three Little Pigs". ;)

[SamBug]

Wow. haha. Very nice. I didn't expect them to die. Don't think I"ll be going up a hill any time soon.

[Kelly Taylor]

Oh dang. This probably shouldn't make me smile like it did, but I found it incredibly interesting. A nice and creative twist on an old tale. xD

[Andrew Wright]

Wow... awesome. Honestly, I'll probably follow in your footsteps a little bit with the whole fairy tale thing... I'm proud to be your friend.

[EverEmma]

Hello Kristen. I am so very glad to be back, was gone for two weeks without computer access. :( But im here now! I really liked this. Rhyming would increase the quality by a ton. Regardless, a good idea and a good transfer to paper.

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and twisted ending to a old story. I like this new version. I believe kids would not want to hear before bed time. A interesting tale. Thank you.
Coyote

[Cassiopia Summers]

I love it!! I love the darker side of things. Don't you? (:

[Jessica]

That was pretty witty! Great twist on the old tale. :)