A Slow Death

I love it, but it may be the death of me

nubs
of nails

bitten
until bleeding,

holding
a cigarette

between

nicotine
stained

fingertips,

shaking
slightly �"

my constant tremor.

inhale
slowly,

hold it.

exhale
slowly,

cough,
rattle,
wheeze.

enjoy
the death

of the body
slowly.

Author's Note

I smoke, but I do not condone it. Yes that makes me a hypocrite.

Reviews

[daemok]

i'm not sure you needed alllllll that spacing, but it does have give the reader a lingering feeling that they can't quite shake off. They are completly caught in the moment you created for them. Slowly dying, understanding it, and yet cannot stop yourself even as you go through the motions.

[GunMetal]

It reads like a nervous habit. I like this.

[w]

Then it came across as I intended. Thank you.

[Owlgirl]

hmm, maybe a little formatting work is needed, but overall it's well written and a good poem.

[~LadyWolf~]

Great job, very well worded!

[Corset]

we have smoking on the brain today, and yes I am a huge hypocrite myself. There must be a cruel joke in the scheme of things that dictate the worst things for us like smoking, junk food etc give so much pleasure yet healthy things are more exspensive and much more difficult to enjoy..like turnips..what the hell is that..nasty ugh.

[w]

mashed turnips with butter, garlic and rosemary are actually very good.

[Corset]

I'll take your word for it :)

[ForeverNever]

Hm.I liked this piece..I've lost many people close to me bc of smoke related causes...so bravo at portraying that.

[Dove]

Very nice! I like how you showed the effect of smoking. The last two stanzas were absolutely fantastic and they made the poem that much better.

[Jordan A. Wilson]

This is the tops. Nice job.

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

I agree with daemok.

[Satans Spawn]

I know this same "cough, rattle wheeze." and still I like to feel the burn.

[Destinyxi]

Nice poem, I like the details of what smoking causes.