"At the tombs"

Autumn leaves are falling

My love for my papa

has turned withered

like the autumn leaves.

The sky is dull gray with a

hint of blue.

Memories from past is vibrant

but sometimes losses its hue,

And my desire to have someone

in accompany for my walking years

Is someone like you.

Author's Note

What's your insights for this one?

Reviews

[M. A. Kilcorse]

From a pure grammatical point, there are some errors that could be cleaned up. For example, make sure that there is agreement between everything. "Autumn leaves IS falling," should be "Autumn leaves ARE falling," making the verb "to be" plural so that it agree with the plural subject, "leaves." This is the main grammatical mistake, but, now for my interpretation.

I hear an emotional voice. The breaks in lines accent the narrator's reflection, and even the grammatical mistakes give the piece a child-like innocence. Just cut back on the number so they don't distract from attention. Good start!

[Zachary Cyrick Addams Nash]

Thanks M.A. Kilcorse for taking time to review this and for the correction. I will revise it. And i'll take up your advise for not distracting from attention. I actually want to perceive the readers to feel the imagery of this poem.

[M. A. Kilcorse]

It's a good poem, and I'd hate for these small mistakes to distract from that. If I read correctly, your profile said you were from the Philippines. Is English a second language for you?

[Zachary Cyrick Addams Nash]

Yes. But i'm afraid i'm also half Japanese . Which is their Literature and Language is much more harder than english.
But in response to your concern that the "Filipinos" (Citizens of the Philippines) are somehow not capable of speaking PROPER ENGLISH? Don't you think it is a kind of a STEREOTYPE? More likely a stereotypical response to my work. But again thanks for your opinion on this matter.

[Zachary Cyrick Addams Nash]

I hope the following comment that you post is more constructive than STEREOTYPICAL. Again, I thank you for you opinion and I will revise it. Keep in mind I am only a budding poet, not a professional.

[M. A. Kilcorse]

Not at all, no offense meant by it. I can just understand how incredibly difficult it can be to express poetry in a second language. The poems I've written in Spanish are filled with flaws and grammatical misunderstandings. It has nothing to do with where your from. However, you have a strong grip on poetic imagery, but the learning process is holding your work back. That's why I'd love to read something in your native tongue (though I would only be able to read a translation :P )

[M. A. Kilcorse]

Frankly you shouldn't be so quick to judge someone. There was nothing whatsoever in my comment that would suggest stereotyping or racism. I happen to be incredibly offended that you would think such a thing. Perhaps to avoid confusion, I'll simply not review your work.

[Zachary Cyrick Addams Nash]

my apologies for my heated comments awhile back. truly, you criticism is admirable, i as a mere human being, may at times misunderstand what is truly meant. please, i do not wish you to cease your insightful criticism and i, on my part, will understand better what is truly meant. again, i apologize for my heated comments awhile back.