Glencoe

A monologue. A young man contemplates his future in the midst of great emotional stress and confides his thoughts in his brother's girlfriend.

If you think I’m going to jump I’m not. Nope. I'm not gonna jump. I'm just stressed. I- I needed some time think. 

Ugh. WHY. Why, why, why, why. Sorry. It’s just… I mention the word "college" and my mom turns around and starts crying and wailing, sounding like she was victimized by life itself and that “Im leaving because of her.” Textbook martyr complex. "So, I guess I've failed you as a mother then? What have I done that's so wrong??” … I hate her. (breath) Sorry… No I don’t… I can't. Though, I gotta admit: it becomes increasingly difficult to love that woman. And being in a small town and all, everyone knows everything so I always get these looks. These looks that say "we know your Dad’s crazy.” - yeah, that’s news to me, or- “does that monster beat you too” or the one I hate the most- “you look like you're going to follow right in your father’s footsteps." …

"In his footsteps." (breath)

The truth is…Im terrified. I’m terrified of becoming like my dad. Or mom. Or brother. (pause) We’re all just one, big, hopeless mess. Deep down, I’m probably no different any of them. If it was easy for me to pick up and leave and I had the money, I still don't think I COULD leave. It feels physically impossible. (breath)  Simply put, Im afraid of…. failing. I’m not ashamed of admitting my fears. I mean, I fear other things too, like the ocean, swimming, and, well, drowning. Nearly drowned once. That's actually kinda why I like being out here. Standing on the edge of this bridge like this, close to the water, I can own the fear. It's something I sorta have control over: whether I fall or stay here on this bridge. That’s not working in life. I just don't know. The choice to leave is up to me and I can't own it because this fear is too much… Sorry. I really don't mean to be dramatic. I’m- I’m paralyzed. I know I have to go somewhere, do something, but I have nothing, NOTHING especially great about me . I can't just become someone else! I am suffocating, drowning here and all I want is to do something a little better than my parents did or brother did. I can feel I have to do something! I want to do something!! I JUST WANT TO KNOW IM GOING TO BE OKAY!!! (pause)

(looks down, breathes)

But don't worry. I'm still not going to jump. 

Reviews

[Botania]

"no different (than?) any" This is a glimpse at self searching that's all too real at a forced decision point symbolized poignantly by being on the edge of a bridge. An attempt is being made to feel in control of one's life, but a slight misstep or high wind could mean sudden death. Good luck to your character.