The wall

(Not) the Berlin wall / wall between the two German states

I'm building a wall around me,       I'm building a wall around me,                        nobody can hurt me,                  impenetrable, strong, hard, cold.  

nothing can touch me now.                     
                      
                 I'm building a wall around me,         I'm building a wall around me,
                 to show it them all.                       some manage to damage it,
                              but they can't destroy it.
                    
I'm building a wall around me,            I'm building a wall around me,            
I feel safe but so alone.                    where's the exit? 

                         I'm building a wall around me,
                         and there is noone but me.

I'm building a wall around me,
and suffocating in my own prison.

 

Author's Note

Thanks for your reviews. This can also be interpreted differently.

Reviews

[TheDescendantofShakespe..]

Hello, we briefly met on elsewhere in the internets. Then I was not able to view this page, but now I could. I read your poem "The Wall" and here is what I think about it:

The theme I see rather classical and many times written, but your style is unique to me. I like how the text transforms in to repeating blocks, like bricks they are. The language is straight and honest, the simple language works here rather well. The constant repetition of the main line works here very well. It wouldn't work without the alignements in the text. The poem makes me feel excited and the ending of "there is noone but me" touches, leaving the feeling of complete isolation!

So good piece or work it is!

But one comment which I find necessary to say. I would completely remove the last block. The last block explains that the writer-me is : "Suffocating in my own prison, my prison of loneliness." There is no need to say it, since you said it allready in the previous bricks, the feeling has been transmitted! Now the last paragraph, in my opinion, spoils the whole poem!

[Pete]

Pink Floyd & The Who ("Who's Next) also spoke of walls. Very clever how you arranged the text. Don't get trapped behind that wall - come out from behind it & keep writing.

[Seerose]

Thank you. :) I wrote this around the age of 16 and today I'm coming back after a long time. I will continue and please keep writing as well.

[.]

"I'm building a wall around me,
and suffocating in my own prison,
my prison of loneliness."

...i can relate...love the experimental format...Awesome...i really love this!!!

james:-)

[Seerose]

Thanks, you two. Good idea, Ashley. :) But I think won't do what you've suggested because this idea would appear a bit kind of stolen. I've noticed that there was something missing so I had to changed something. :P Haha, I'm going to order this salad as soon as possible. ^^
Well, now it's still not perfect but all in all readable.

[Ashley Ree]

I love the way you wrote this. It's very nicely done. If I could suggest anything at all, I think you could make it very "neat" looking. If you actually built a wall with your stanzas, and put the word me in the middle. That's just me being a dork, but I really do love this. i like the way you wrote it differently then many would expect. I also really like the use of repetition. Great Job Julia.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

I can almost see this as a complete reworking of Rapunzel whereas she puts her own self in the tower to avoid the possibility of any more damage~ but also thereby locking herself away from all possibilities of hope as well~ a sad tale~ the construct of the poem~ like a wall works perfectly~ adds pure substance to the poem~