When I read this, for some reason I kept getting a picture of Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" reciting this in that insane way he did that one piece in the movie (I think they were on the boat maybe - haven't seen it in years).
Anyway, I like it. I have a thing for pink as well. ;o)
Such simple actions can bring such happiness huh? The words and the emotions through them are RIGHT ON...this happens time and again, and we always find ourselves wondering, hoping, lusting (perhaps) that there is something hotter, wilder, important...just something more from that simple action...that small wink...
I liked this and it made me smile and ponder at the same time...rock on doll!
This is one of my favorites of your poems, and it's impossible to resist smiling while reading it. I was thinking: do you really need the first stanza? What if you start abruptly with "After all, it was only a wink." It starts off kind of dreamy then shifts into a frenetic, playful pace. Maybe that dichotomy is what you were aiming for though. Either way it's a really cool poem and I love the last line.
Very cool. I detect hip-hop rhythms in the lyric line, or at least it lends itself to it. I notice your playlist is classic/alt rock tho'.
That's the intersection I write from. If you're curious, all 5 poems currently posted are song lyrics, and the songs are recorded by me, and comprise my playlist on profile pg. (unlike music sites, where they tend to notice lyric last, this site's participants tend to miss that I posted my songs to go along w/the lyrics, even tho' I note it).
As I re-read your above poem, its natural song lyric nature, I can silently sing it (or recite it) with classic/alt rock rhythm or Kerouac-ian Beat or jazz feel, as well. Do you get into musical composition?
Anyway, great job writing a strongly rhythmic and playful relatedness poem that definitely works as multi-genre song lyric too. Charming ending!
The escalating effect of your wonderful piece
is most aspiring, it brings out such lovely images
you did a wonderfully job to bring that all out
and the wordings and rhyming was quite superb,
this is most excellent, loved it as it is, beautiful creation!!
When I read this, for some reason I kept getting a picture of Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" reciting this in that insane way he did that one piece in the movie (I think they were on the boat maybe - haven't seen it in years).
Anyway, I like it. I have a thing for pink as well. ;o)
What a fun and beautiful piece... such a warm loving feel that flows great and is really fun... I can't help but smile while reading this... and lord knows I need to smile right now.
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