WHERE'S THE CHEESE?

A little more grocery store fun.

The day started out very normally.  Pinch MacGraw stopped in for his weekly cup of coffee and hour of conversation with The Frontiersman.

 

After Pinch and The Frontiersman solved the world problems (you can all breathe easier now), Pinch said he had to ‘git on inta town an meet the boys at the restrint’.  Obviously this was going to be a busy day on his schedule.  He had to make the rounds.

 

I had a hair appointment and The Frontiersman was going to busy himself reading his new Backwoods magazine that had just come in the mail the previous day.

 

My hair appointment was pretty uneventful.  I really don’t have to do much talking while I’m there.  I learned a long time ago, you learn by listening.

 

In my thirty-minute appointment, I found out that Gert’s daughter, Iona, is pregnant again.  This will be her fourth one and, ‘we all know she caint take care uh the ones she’s got’.

 

Red Eye got stopped by the cops Wednesday night.  Looks like he got yet another DUI; “When WILL they take his license away, or did they?”

 

It seems that Derlie Blevins, who runs the thrift shop, is moving away…far away.  Lenwood Suggs’ wife, Sudie, caught him and Derlie together coming out of the No Tell Motel.  So much for discretion.

 

I wonder what they had to say about me after I left.

 

On my way home, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things for lunch and dinner.

 

You have to picture our grocery store, the Ghetto Bodega; it’s about the size of two two-car garages and I think it was built in the 1950s.  It obviously hasn’t been renovated or thoroughly cleaned for that matter, since it was built.  In addition to that, they still somehow manage to stock it only with foods that were available in the 1950s.  When you start shopping there, you quickly learn not to buy meat there and to keep your shopping list very simple.  We travel to Pinestump Junction, about thirty miles away to do our ‘big shopping’.

 

I found the three or four items I had on my list and then, just for excitement, I asked a young male employee if they had Brie cheese.  I haven’t seen a blank look like that since I asked my son, when he was two years old, how his sneaker ended up in the toilet.

 

“What cheese?” he asked. 

 

“Brie”, I replied.

 

“I don’t think so”, he answered, “But I’ll ask”.

 

I was interested to hear what the answer would be, since the most ‘exotic’ cheese I’ve seen in there is New York State Cheddar.  I waited patiently and, within a minute or so, the young man returned and relayed the message that they carry Sargento, Kraft, Cuba Cheese and their own store brand, But not Brie.

 

Just to add fuel to the flame, I explained to him that Brie is the type of cheese, not the brand.  He looked very apologetic, so I took pity on him, thanked him and got into the checkout line.

 

“Hi ma’am; did you find everything?”  The cashier asked.  She shouldn’t have done that.

 

“All except the Brie cheese”, I replied.  There was the ‘deer in the headlights look’ again.

 

“I’ve never seen that brand come through my line, ma’am.”

 

“No”, I replied, “It’s a type of cheese, from France”.

 

“Berdie”, the cashier called to the customer service person, “Do we carry Brie cheese, or French cheese?”

 

“Hold on”, Berdie answered.

 

This is just TOO much fun.

 

“Vernon”, I heard over the intercom, “Can you check and see if we have gray or French cheese for a customer?”

 

“That’s ok”, I said to the cashier, “I’ll get it next time”.

 

As I slipped out the automatic door, I thought to myself, “Well, that was fun.  I wonder what I can ask for next time I go in”.

Reviews

[Amy]

Ha, this made me laugh. I wish I had the courage to ask people these things. Of course, I'd have to come up with something other than Brie cheese. Maybe something along the lines of meat?? Kanagaoo? Snake? I bet in your neck of the woods, if you aked for something like that, they would have it in the freezer, and bring it right out. Better not try that.