DOUBT

DOUBT

A Poem by Shabeeh Haider

 

Why do you shed these tears of doubt?

Why do you often grieve?

What makes you doubt the love we have,

Why do you not believe?

 

For is this thread of love so weak,

That it can easily break?

You strike my heart with words of doubt,

How more can my heart take?

 

When trust is gone what else is left?

For love is based on trust.

Don’t let this mountain crumble down,

Don’t let it turn to dust.


© 2016 Shabeeh Haider



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"Don’t let this mountain crumble down,
Don’t let it turn to dust."

Glad to have read one of your creations after much long. Beautiful as it could get. Loved the last couple of lines.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

It's always wonderful to read your reviews.Thank you for taking the time to read my work.
"When trust is gone what else is left?
For love is based on trust."
So true! Because love can't exist without trust. Beautiful lines. I loved your composition :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

Thank you Yumna for your generous review
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

You are most welcome ☺
A simple misunderstanding or doubt can bring disaster in one's life....Expressed well
"For is this thread of love so weak,

That it can easily break?

You strike my heart with words of doubt,

How more can my heart take?"
These lines are my favorite lines in the poem
There are many place in this poem where i felt "no more replacement for this"
Amazing


Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

Ayushi, thank you for your very encouraging words.
Ayushi Beura

1 Year Ago

Your welcome:)
Powerful. I really needed to read this beautiful piece this morning. Thank you. Excellent work, keep writing!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

Thank you and I am glad that you read it when you needed it
Hello Shabeeh, feels like too long since I visited. A powerful emotional write. Trust is paramount it's hard to come back from once broken. Last two lines are stellar. Lovely to see you about. R xo

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

Thank you for visiting. Yes, it has been a long time.
Stay Blessed
Well written and expressed.
Trust is definitely the key to love and when broken
it's incredibly hard to repair:(
Nice piece of work with great flow
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

James, thank you for your kind words.
Powerful emotion here Shabeeh...what is left when trust is but shards, sadly :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

Thank you Poppy for reading and reviewing.
Great poetry with an excellent message!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

Levi, thank you
I like the flow, rhyme, and message in this piece. Love is, indeed, dependent on trust between two people, and this poem communicates that beautifully. As always, you've paid attention to the rhythm, rhyme, and meter, so the flow and ease of this piece comes naturally.

If I may critique, I'd suggest making some changes regarding word usage and punctuation. In the first stanza, for example, I suggest putting a question mark after the third line. To me, that would make more sense than a comma because line 3 asks a question. Or, if you wanted to add more emphasis to the fourth line, you could punctuate at follows:

What makes you doubt the love we have?
-- Why do you not believe.

The dash, in my opinion, adds a more poignant effect.

In the last line of the second stanza, you may want to consider using the word "much" instead of "more." To me, the word "more" is more common in that context and is easier to understand.

In the last line of the last stanza, you may want to use the word "die" instead of "turn." Die has a stronger connotation and thus, it conveys your intent much better. Also, the alliteration between the words "die" and "dust" sounds good.

Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

Posted 1 Year Ago


Shabeeh Haider

1 Year Ago

William, thank you for your detailed review and your kind suggestions. In the first stanza line 3 is.. read more
Loved everything about this poem. It's the essence of a relationship on it's edge.

Posted 1 Year Ago



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Added on August 25, 2016
Last Updated on August 27, 2016
Tags: shabeeh, love, poetry

Author

Shabeeh Haider
Shabeeh Haider

Makkah



About
Writing poetry is my passion. I have been writing since I was 10 years of age. I love the poets of the Romantic Era and am very particular about rhyme, meter and balance. I have also written many Gha.. more..

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