I meet me, finally

I meet me, finally

A Story by Shade of Gray

Typical bully story I guess? I am I. We all know that, but who am I really? Is the now me all of me? Please enjoy and comment


Blows of spring gently brushed my cheeks. Rays of dawn scattered the still dark patches. Sitting on the cement staircase, not was I hugging my knees and crying myself to sleep, no more. Taking a piece of sandwich out of the box, slowly nibbling, sweetness swelled my interior as meadow fragrance merged with my favorite ingredients " Honey and Marshmallow. “How long has it been? This tranquil peacefulness, so nostalgic.” I sighed softly as a petal fell into the pond, forming a silent ripple.


“Meow” Every morning, I was greeted by a pair of deep emerald eyes, and sharp and spiky teeth " a black cat living in the garden beneath my apartment. Unfortunate? Not at all, actually, that would be the only thing I felt glad for the whole day. At least it did me no harm and greet me every morning. “Beep… Beep!” I was pushed back to the reality. That’s the school bus, marking my beginning of routine.


“Hey Wimp! What have you got there?” The kids all laughed, never getting tired of it, let alone offering sympathy. “Kevin, I have said clearly. My name is William and stop making fun of me” “Oh, I forgot, what is it again? Wimp? Right, whatever, who cares!” The kids cooperated and laughed like vicious beasts as my school bag was tossed around, all the way until at the entrance, it would stop right above my head, with its intestine all poured out on the ground. Then, I would pick them in the shadow, sobbing. However, today, my throat was soundless, not like it was coarse or sandy, just simply not having the mood.


As I stepped into the classroom, a cold hard bucket, not empty for sure, poured cruelly on me. What was going on in my head? This should have been an old lame trick I had experienced for ages. Eyes wide, my dear fellow classmates were shocked, surely not because of that bucket of water, but the fact that I fell for it again " five seconds after they gasped, they laughed so hard until their eyeballs popped out. Soon, the teacher walked in and discovered the mess. He had done something, something cool.


Coolly cruel. He patted my shoulder, “Go to the washroom, would you?” I remained unsurprised, quite calm indeed due to the bucket of icy water. In I walk to the washroom. On my way, I started reacting, raising my eyebrows, wondering if there’s anything wrong. As if I wondered something heroic out, like the teacher would actually help me punish that bull at the corner, or trying to understand my situation? Come on, time to wake up! The teacher himself was an alley of those passionless, heartless majority. I stared into the mirror, looking at the messy, pathetic, defenseless face. I needed no more sympathy. I… “Yes, resist. My dear child, wrestle for future. Go…” I feared, shakily squeaked “Who are you…”


I didn’t know why, not really understanding at all. Perhaps my pond of tear was facing drought lately? It’s been half a year I was maltreated, worse than a pet. I felt my body was boiling, and I started losing my mind " thinking I could take revenge on that mountainous beefy demon. I gently laid my fingers on the purplish swelled eye, dry and hot, like desert, like burning charcoal, like raging infernal.

“Is anyone here?” I looked back, expecting for an answer but only a swift of voiceless wind went by. What? Did I start imagining things? Am I being weak to make up hallucinatory solace to maintain my pumping veins?  Am I start getting so pathetic that I need to believe in unreal things to comfort myself? Like those heartbreaking fools trusting the embodiment magic so hard, expecting that they could raise the past from their memory, from their sadness, from their pain, into the reality? Do I look foolish enough for that? “Is anyone here! Speak up already…”


My teeth clattered, then clenched, clenching and grinding so hard my jaws felt sore. I knelt to the tub. My eyes damped and tears dribbled down the cheeks. Madly and wildly, I pulled my hair and tested the strength of the mirror with my knuckles. Until some time later, I sucked back all the tears and snots. Calmly, I shook my head, and told myself “I am still that timid wimpy kid. Just so be it. Just be it so.” Then, a sudden flash of cold sept in and sent shiver to my spine, so like the scythe of the Grim Reaper. “Oh… My dear… poor child…” Such grieving monotone circulated the chamber, mournfully and longingly.


“Hey look! Wimpy the crying baby has returned from his wailing stool. Oh… poor child, who draws you a panda on the face?” His soothing torment turns to a madding crowd of chortle. His teasing compliment, too, granted me a long-enough muted morning. All until lunch, the ringing bell marked the clarion call. Two streams of muggy air from nostrils puffed to the back of my neck. I knew it was him, and I knew I used to let him bother me to his heart’s content without countering, or I knew better than anyone else outgunning him would only lead to backfires. My brain shrank, leaving only the emotion of disgust. My heart steeled, each beat steadier than ever. My mind turned blank, coldly, I took a stern glimpse at him and opened my bitter lips " so like a devouring predator, “What do you want?”.


“Wow! What’s happening to you, man? You seem different.” I completely neglected his existence and took attention no more, which was a fearful sin. I took out my plastic-wrapped sandwich out of the paper bag, and started nibbling it with hollow eyes " heartlessly eating, I had been wondering when would this beast behind me launch, and why was my heartbeat not beating like lunatic but even more serene than the melodies of soft music. “Don’t play cool with me, Wimpy Kiddo. You loser really freaked daddy out for some seconds.” Right afterwards, he snatched the sandwich from my loosely gripping fingers, then on the ground he threw, so hard he stomped on it that I nearly gasped “Ouch”. It laid there like a corpse stampeded with its intestines all oozed out, except it’s honey and marshmallow only. He got so close that we could kiss, frowned and glared with his scowling eyes, pointing at the sandwich blob, bellowed “Dare to scare daddy again and I promise you’d be like that.” He turned and left with victory, victory that lasted like a spark.


I didn’t know where did I get the strength. My eyes were fueled dull red. Tears burned to vapor before squeezed out. Gazing at the table, regulating my breaths, formulas of murderers and vicious thoughts occupied and burst my mind, returning it to blankness, blankly pitch blackness. My bones ached and muscles stiffened, ready for some duels. The drought pond can no longer hinder the malevolent burning. Every drop of me, my own self, had become burning fuels turning everything, my sight, my sorrow, my pain, especially that sandwich-murderer, into ashes, so light a spring breeze could take them to the Pole.


“Resist…” I flipped the table, stood up with my head facing down, “You, there, stay. I have some business with you.” Did I bawl? No, no way. People said the louder you bark, the weaker you are. To me, calmness in a storm is greater than the storm itself. He walked back to me, whistling and teasing “Oh… I’m so scared”, hugging himself acting like a nerd. With my line crossed and trigger pulled, I punched him in the face with all my might. “Good… My boy… Resist… He deserves no mercy… Free yourself…”


He was hit unexpected. As I was about to land the second blow, it stopped, abruptly, in the midair, with him gripping my fist so hard I could feel my knuckles smashed together. Painful? Not really. But his brutality gave me a second of clearness " this is my end. “Take me to church. Sing me the requiem. Leave me in peace. I’m feeling no regret then.” “No… my boy… No time for that… Come with me…” It’s that resonant sound again. I squinted my eyes and took a peep " a lady in white.


When had this lady skidded between us? As soon as I realized that she was on my side, and that instinct when Kevin paid me back with his other punch, she turned into stretched silvery blanket, blocking his blast. The next second, I was at the back of the classroom, promisingly thrown back by someone barbarous but not feeling the slightest pain. I shook off from the stars playing merry-go-around above my head. Kevin was still confronting with the lady in white. Am I imaging unreal things again? Just so be it. Just be it so. Forms by forms, the white silhouette keeps changing " a leopard with claws of ego, an angel with invincible shield, a demon dragon with the breath of laser. The only sensation I received was that my fists became numb and hot, so numb and hot that I fainted away.


The next time I woke up, I found I was by the riverside outside the campus. I broadened my eye in horror and gasped, like I returned from death, deprived of oxygen and suffocation. “Ouch!” I pinched my shoulder to make sure I was wide awake. Splashing some water on my face and washing my hand, the blood stain faded a bit but they did look like they had a tough fight back there. I looked into the water patiently, as the currents calmed down a bit, an image formed " the lady who saved my life!


I turned my head to the back but she couldn’t be seen anywhere. I stared back at the river, she was there again, or I should say she was there, but I wasn’t. I put my hand on my forehead, wondering if I was having a fever " she chuckled. “Who are you? Why did you help me? Could you be… my angel?” She giggled again, smiling sweetly and cheeks blushing like cherry blossom, “I’m your inner voice”. She started flickering in the river, I got no idea how this thought permeated into my mind but I exclaimed with vibrating voice “Could you be… a ghost?”


Her vision was gone. The currents regaining their velocity. I could only see my blurred reflection. “Could you be… a ghost?” Her vision came back and smacked me on the face by slicing water “Ghost the hell! I said I am your inner voice, inner mind!” “I know I know now… Why do you have to hit me…It’s an owie.” She cheerfully laughed “Ah… I am sorry… Are you hurt? It’s time for me to go now. Don’t be weak anymore, wimpy Will. Resist… and wrestle for your future… I am in you. And you are in me. It’s you who actually hit that bully in the pig face back there. That is your true courage. Now, go forth and bring glory.” She raised up from the river, like Goddess Undine, and kissed me goodbye, a fair and light kiss. Then in she dissolved the river, and her image scattered by the streams of knives, cold callous knives.


Her departure was accompanied by a tedious unattended ambulance siren scorching its way to the school. I stared into the water, hoping if I stared harder, I got to see her replacing my vision again. Fantasy only stayed in Wonderland. I started weeping, more and more desperate my wail covered the siren.


“Click” I heard my lunchbox being clicked opened. “Hmm… Not bad… Not bad really… My drama is not bad… Mum’s sandwich is gorgeous too…” She leaned back relaxingly, until she met my eyes. With a mouthful of honey and marshmallow inside her mouth, she murmured “Hey there, what’s with all the tears?” My steady steps walked up the cement staircase slowly, with eyes glinted like ruby. She gulped the pile of sweetness down her dehydrated throat, and yelped helplessly “Hold on… Will… Hold on…”


“You bully! I’ll strangle you until you spill out all the sandwiches!”

© 2017 Shade of Gray

Author's Note

Shade of Gray
Any comment will do. Better wordings? Another Style? Another Ending? How do you wanna put it, just feel free to comment, especially for improvements :)

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Added on October 31, 2017
Last Updated on November 2, 2017
Tags: #Bully #My life me #Who am I


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