The Silent Song

The Silent Song

A Poem by Shasha

Listen to the song of the silence, the unheard voice.

Let's pause the song we were listening to
And put on the song which was once unheard
The song on which our soul danced
Away from the grieves of the cold
In the warmth of the room inside the room
Stepping on the floors of the heart.
A song with which our words sang
A song which proposed the unspoken
Let's try to listen to the whispers of the silence
The song played in the deepest place of the heart
The song sang by the sweetest voice
Sweeter then the nectar of flowers
The voice can't be heard by anyone
The song of the silence inside.

© 2017 Shasha

Author's Note

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Hi, Sasha,
There are a couple of grammar aspects to this piece that caught my teacher’s eye you might wish to understand and address, if you’re interested in improving on your poetry writing skills.
1) Using "the" throughout. The amount of "the" words you’ve used are akin to hammering nails all over a board, when two or three would suffice to hold it securely in place.
2) This effectively nulls poetic voice.
3) Keep mindful of "speaking" lines … remember, this is a poem. Think of your "syntax" (the manner in which your poetic voice speaks).
4) English, not being your first language, I suggest letting someone whose first language is English read and edit your work for unusual grammar issues before posting it. This way, you’ll have an opportunity to see and discuss any English issues, and learn quickly from your mistakes, therefore.

Remember, Sasha, few will make the effort to correct you, either on your English or your poetic efforts.

I am going to take the liberty of editing your poem into a poetic form that will be easy for you to study and understand technique and poetic voice

(your original version)

Let's pause "the" song we were listening to
And put on "the" song which was once unheard
"The" song on which our soul danced
Away from "the" grieves of "the" cold
In "the" warmth of "the" room inside "the" room
Stepping on "the" floors of "the" heart.
A song with which our words sang
A song which proposed "the" unspoken
Let's try to listen to "the" whispers of "the" silence
"The" song played in "the" deepest place of "the" heart
"The" song sang by "the" sweetest voice
Sweeter then "the" nectar of flowers
"The" voice can't be heard by anyone
"The" song of "the" silence inside.

(your edited version)

This song we’ve been listening to,
let’s pause and play a song unheard;
one to which our soul once danced
away from grief of cold,
into a warm room inside a room,
stepping on hearts’ floors …
a song which our words sang,
proposing what’s unspoken.

Let's try listening to whispers of silence,
a song in our hearts’ deepest places,
sang by voices sweet,
sweeter than flowers’ nectar,
unhearable by anyone …
our song of inner-silence.

Posted 3 Months Ago

Wonderful use of words and thoughts. I agree. Sometimes silence is wonderful. In a world of noise and rare peace. A private beach or a deep forest. Perfect place to gather our minds. Thank you Shasha for sharing your amazing poetry and thoughts.

Posted 8 Months Ago


8 Months Ago

Yes actually,
Thank you Coyote for your wonderful review!!!
Coyote Poetry

3 Months Ago

You are welcome Shasha.
It's a wonderful concept you've got yourself here. And you've made the first lines very intriguing and that gives such perfection to the poem. Love it!!


Posted 10 Months Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


10 Months Ago

Thanks Vasilees! You are a true inspiration!
Wonderful write :) The words have been placed very well :)


Posted 11 Months Ago


11 Months Ago

Thank you very much Anand!
Very nice and thanks for sharing your wonderful talent.

Posted 12 Months Ago


12 Months Ago

Thank you very much, Roxane!
This is top-notch writing becuz of the way you think about your topic . . . your viewpoint is relatable & your way of writing is to SHOW instead of tell. We all understand the "silent unspoken" parts of life, different for each of us, but it all feels the same, so it connects us. Love your style (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 12 Months Ago


12 Months Ago

Thank you Margie! I love to read your reviews. I think that understanding in the greatest gift one .. read more
I, Silente, approve greatly, hah... But in all seriousness... An almost melodic feel, and wistful wandering of phrase... Spot-on rhymes, and a twisting journey that left me wanting more, but sweeter than nectar of flowers sting... I guess I leave without a voice... Beautifully penned...

Posted 12 Months Ago


12 Months Ago

Maybe! Haha!
I think if we continue then this thing will never end.

12 Months Ago

But who wants it to end...!

12 Months Ago

Oh! Alright then,
I smiled harder! Haha!
Great piece, I quite like your choice of words. Also like the freedom each reader has to work the poem out into something that works with their lives. Great job :)

Posted 12 Months Ago


12 Months Ago

Thank you Willa! Really pleased to hear that from you!
Wow! Your new technique of using vague sort of imagery is just great!
I'm hoping to see this usage in your future poems too!
Keep writing!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 Year Ago

You are a true friend Soumya! I will try to.
Thank you very much!!!
Soumya Deouskar

1 Year Ago

Great! All the best for your future writings!

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9 Reviews
Added on October 13, 2017
Last Updated on October 13, 2017
Tags: Song, Silence, Soul



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