Like I Love You

first poem ever :D

I want to satisfy your every need like you have satisfied my need for perfection.

Like the coldest water on the warmest day.

Refreshingly,

Alive.

 

It's a feeling I feel through my whole body the moment I see that crooked smile.

Like rays of sun on my skin and wind in my hair.

Perfectly,

Complete.

 

Winning the lottery couldn't compare to the happiness you bring me.

Like recieving the greatest gift the universe has ever known.

Utterly,

Blissful.

 

Christmas morning couldn't generate the joy world-wide that you give me in an hour.

Like a sudden rush, my love for you overwhelms even me at times.

Uncomparibly,

Remarkable.

 

Stripped from hiding my feelings, I want to declare them for you to the whole world.

Tell them everything that you do that makes my heart skip a beat.

Inconceivably,

Naked.

 

These feelings are never changing.

I will feel them through pain and anger, rain or shine, in sickness and in health.

Like a mountain that has lasted through the tests of time.

Earthshatteringly,

Unbreakable

 

In your eyes I feel loved and...perfect.

And that is why

I love you

Like I love you.

Author's Note

any constructive criticism?
words you would change to be better suited?

Reviews

[J. A. Svercek]

First off, I like the unique structure you've put forth here--never seen it laid out quite like this before. I'll admit some of your similes seemed stretched, like comparing the subject to the universe (or something along those lines)--if you use such a hyperbole, you run the risk of it being taken as overstatement and therefore irony. Or you run the risk of people thinking it is written badly and in an overblown, cliched way.

Most of the similes, I found, were quite unique, however, and I enjoyed them. The ending was strong, though the piece might have dragged on a bit long in my opinion.

Thanks for writing,
J.

[Wildecat]

This is a well writen poem, totally enjoyed reading your poetry. Welcome to writers cafe.