The Boy That Drew On the Earth

I once met a boy

who drew on the earth

who spoke to the sky

who watched in awe

with twinkling eyes

He etches his fears

on the bark of a pine

Whispers his worries

to the song of a chime

With delicate fingers

he writes his secrets

on the warm beaches sand

waits for a powerful wave

and slight of hand

He screams his name

to a listening crowd

Traces his warmth

on a drifting cloud

Accompanied by the thunder

as lightning strikes the soul

he murmurs to the rain

plummeting to the ground

of an esoteric pain

Reviews

[Cole Hayley]

I love it! A great peice, of course. And the ending fits well.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much. I'm glad you think so.

[Lily Mae]

I think your wonderful.. Your imagination is on fire and lets us share in the journey of this boy... I felt like it was one foot in a dream and one foot in reality.. How beautiful..xo

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much it means a lot.

[Yeser Berro]

Wow, amazing poem! I shared it. I really liked the descriptions, scene, theme, title, and the topic XD Great job, keep me updated ;)

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.

[Rhea]

I really love the descriptions, the rhyme scheme, the flow and... and the story told by the poem is amazing! well done!

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you!!!

[Rhea]

you are so very welcome! i really enjoyed this one!

[Lee]

What a lovely, well told poetic story. :)
It's awe-inspiring and I think that has alot to do with your diction or choice of words. It really made this imaginable and clear, vivid for the mind.

You also wrote this in a manner where it's incredible easy for the reader to place themselves in the character's perspective. It became relatable and this is always a good thing when it comes to writing. Nice work.

By the way, your title is gold.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Oh, thanks so much, I really appreciate it!!! thanks to BLB for the title. :P

[Owlgirl]

Title possibilities. . . . hmm . . . "I Once Met A Boy . . ." ? IDK, it could be anything. This is great! Well done! The descriptions are amazing, I can feel the emotion, the enchantment, the hope, the awe, the awesomeness. This is amazing. Well done. I love it and am putting it in my library.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you!!! I'm really happy that's the case (sorry if that sounds awkward, I'm running out of way to say "I'm grateful" :P). I think I'm going to go with "The Boy Who Drew On the Earth" but thanks so much anyways! :)

[Owlgirl]

Great title, I love it ;) and it is

[Jamillet]

SO BEAUTIFUL! I loved the poem! the boys sounds adorable! It was so enchantingly gorgeous! :D Title: hmmm.....I'm really not sure!

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Ha ha, that's okay, thank you for the review!!! You're SO KIND!!!! :D I really appreciate it.

[Jamillet]

YOUR WELCOME! :D

[BLBrown]

I cared for this very much. I love how he draws on the earth. Very clever. When naming, I sometimes like to draw from a line in the middle of the poem or the last line. I believe the title to be extremely important...enough interest to draw the reader to it. Here are some ideas:

"An Esoteric Pain"
"As Lightening Strikes the Soul"
"The Boy Who Drew On the Earth"
"Bark of Pine, Song of Chimes"

Hope this helps. I think my favorite is the second to last one.

[Owlgirl]

I like the second to last one as well, it's a good idea. :)

[SheActsLikeSummer]

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, thanks so much. Originally, when I was putting my ideas to paper before I wrote the actual poem - which let me tell you, doesn't happen very often - that was one of the titles (second to last one I mean) that came up when I was surveying my options. Now that I have people who agree with me I feel so much better :) Thanks so much for the read as well as everything else!

[Leslie Philibert]

I like the poem, and the title is fine too. You have conveyed your thoughts very well, so don`t worry about the title. Good poem.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I actually wrote a piece about how I had to give everything a title and I was kind of arguing with myself that i shouldn't have to and stuff. :)

[Ace]

wow i love this so much! i think a good title might be something simple like Boy, or The Boy? im not sure ahah, but well done! :)

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much, I'm really glad you liked it! :) I like 'The Boy', I'll keep it in mind, thanks. :)