Grandma Makes A Decision

Chapter 10

Grandma Makes A Decision

 

It only seemed a few minutes when I had closed my eyes as the pain killers made me drowsy enough to sleep. When I woke up I found my brother’s arms around me and his tears falling on my sore, bare chest. I slowly nuzzled him closer so I could look into his bright blue eyes and let him know how much I loved him and how glad I was to see him unharmed. It was soon after my Grandmother took him away and so he could have dinner and meet the rest of the Downing family while I sat alone in an unfamiliar room or perhaps my new prison, I wasn’t sure which.

It did give me time to think as Jeff had come back to check on me; he took a seat next to me as I relayed my concerns of things going on around me, even though it seemed like I was doing most of the talking. Jeff may be dead, but he’s a good friend to have and a very good listener. Some say that dead doesn’t speak to the living, but Jeff and I have been friends long enough to know that it is the living that refuses to see beyond their own mind.

Psychologists believe the mind builds these friend type relationships after a psychotic break where the mind can process the information into smaller amounts. By giving you that so called “superficial friend” saying that this is healthy instead of saying you are crazy. I’ll take crazy anytime just so I could have Jeff with me. God may be silent but Jeff wasn’t.

The words trust them, rubbed against my skin. Every time I have trusted someone completely; I have been either wrong about them or been sent packing back to my parents. It didn’t help matters as Jeff displayed complete trust in the Downings. As I argued back and forth the complex problem with him regarding my Grandmothers and the decision she and I were going to make regarding going to a new foster home when I have healed enough.

There was no way in hell that she would even consider the Downing’s just for the mere fact they are not LDS. And I knew I could argue that point all day long that LDS persona of good church going folks have let me down more times than I could count; that they are not anyone better than anyone else on this god forsaken the world. 

But I knew deep down that she would not see it my way. And the other arguments regarding the state foster care system and how hard it is to find parents like the Steeds and the Frys; despite if the Frys threw me out of their house because I didn’t stop Jeff from dying. Somehow I don’t think telling them that Jeff’s ghost haunted me on a daily basis would not cheer them up or take me back anytime soon.

The Steeds merely left me behind because of by laws written that could not be broken except by my parents. Being “temporary” foster parents had no sway against my birth parents. Blood is thicker than water; it didn’t matter to those government officials that my parents were the abusers. The laws always favored the parent, not the child when it came to parental rights or child endangerment. Even now the laws haven’t changed all that much unless the parents are drug addicts or drunks. People not under this went mostly scott free and never stopped; unless the parents killed the child.

Why is it the child must be killed before the authorities do something about it? Like take the children out of the home and put them up for adoption. Instead of letting the parents beat them to death. They are to slow to act in most situations; so laws become a joke. And the abusive parents are allowed to continue without the fear of the law. Some blame religion, some blame the government. I blame them both.

It wasn’t long before my Grandmother and Mrs. Downing came back with my dinner. My food was on a dinner tray and they had to help me sit up a little more. I have never liked anyone to fuss over me and making me feel guilty or helpless; there was nothing I could do about it. The fact I was hungry didn’t help it either. Plus it caught me off guard when Mrs. Downing nodded to Jeff. He smiled and made way for her as she sidestepped around him; unlike everyone else who walked through him. It bothered me, to say the least.

My Grandmother, on the other hand, didn’t acknowledge Jeff like everyone else I knew. Even though I have told her many times that Jeff is with me has never once left my side when I was endangered or just needed someone to talk to.  She simply would say. "Sorry, I missed him; perhaps you could get him to stay long enough to say hello and ask about your Grandfather. Do you see him like you do Jeff?" Jeff always found that funny. Yet I didn’t understand why Mrs. Downing could see Jeff and nobody else, and I wasn’t about to ask her with my Grandmother in the room.

No. I had enough problems as it was. I didn’t need another one or add another nail to the coffin regarding the Downing’s. Jeff said everything will work it self out, but like always he wasn’t about to tell me more than he had to. That was one thing I hated about him. He could be so damn irritating when he held back information that would help put my mind at ease. Something to do with free will and the choices I would make that would alter events. Hey, I am all in when it comes to altering events into my favor instead of the crap load of regrets.

Mrs. Downing wiped my chin and kissed my bruised cheek before leaving. Something about it always reminded me of Mrs. Steed and what a caring mother would do for any of the children she loved. But having my Grandmother watch, made me feel embarrassed. I knew we were about to have that nice long chat that she motioned earlier because Aaron wasn’t with her, and who could blame him. Having a whole farm to see and another boy his age group to play with, not even I could blame him for that. 

While I watched my Grandmother removes her shoes, and placed them under the cot next to my brothers and closed the bedroom door taking a seat next to me.  Trouble was on the horizon and I knew it wasn’t going to be good. Despite that Jeff stood near by calm and collected. I knew this wasn’t going to be good.

After along pause my Grandmother looked deep into my eyes as she brushed my hair letting my head leaning against her shoulder. I waited for the bad news to start; letting me know first off that she has removed Aaron for the time being and taken full custody of him so he won’t end up into a foster home. I sighed with relief knowing he was safe for the time being. Then she kissed my forehead and squeezed my shoulders.

Here it comes. I asked, “Where am I going? Let me guess.” I growled at my Grandmother. “Back to the state hospital or are you sending me to a home for boys? Or something worse, back too my parents so they can finish the job?” She refused to say one word; Grandma just let me ramble on, letting the anger simmer on high steam. I refused as I was about to tell her I was leaving and not ever coming back. I would rather runaway than go to any of those places. I couldn’t stop crying and gasping. “No more. I can’t take it, Grandma. Please don’t make me.”

She shushed me by placing her fingers on my lips and kissed my forehead again. The next words shocked me. When she told me that I was staying here as long as I wanted to and as long I didn’t runway before calling her first. I was stunned beyond belief. I had to ask why. “But Grandma; they aren’t even LDS.” 

She looked me straight in the eye and said. “I think it is time I looked beyond that EJ don’t you think, considering all that has happened. Being LDS doesn’t hold a candle to the love I have for you. And right now they have shown their true hand by letting your parents do this to you over and over again. No, I want someone that will love you and care for you more than a religion that has turned their backs on you, besides;” squeezing my hand.

“We can always sic the missionaries on them later and convert them into the church. No. Right now you are staying here. Something that I should have done a long time ago and I am sorry, so very sorry, I just hope you can forgive me. For letting them take you away from the Steeds and stood up to your parents before finding out they sold you to drug addicts as a slave to keep you from being loved by anyone. No, for now, I feel this is where you need to be.” I wept like a baby in her arms forgiving her.

I could never stay mad at my Grandmother. I always knew she loved me no matter what. Jeff nodded in agreement. I asked my Grandmother if she really couldn’t see Jeff sitting on the end of my bed. She asked. “Which corner?” Jeff of course laughed and told me I was going to be fine and left to who knows where, I asked once, but all he would say I’ll find out when the time is right. I wondered if that meant I would be dead when that happened.

My Grandmother was stubborn when came to making promises. She always made me write a promissory note and this time wasn’t any different. I had to promise to obey the Downing’s and not to runaway without talking to her first. If not she would beat my butt personally for going out on a limb for me and my brother. So I signed it and with another kiss on the cheek. She opened the door and walked happily down the hall.

All I could do is lay there and cry. I cried into my pillow knowing I was safe. But it didn’t help the doubts as I remember the Steeds, it was hard not to. I knew I had to move on with my life and to do that I needed help; if only I could grasp it. It wasn’t long before Robert came to check on me to see if I needed anything as I wiped my tears away. He sat on the bed and comforted me like Jeff did when I always needed a friend.

In fact, it was days before I saw Jeff again. Something was coming and I knew I wouldn’t like it. I was just getting used to having a family again that seemed to love me. But I couldn’t seem to trust them. Those doubts refused to leave me and my injuries were getting worse every day and so were the nightmares. I’d wake up screaming in the middle of the night seeing my parents standing over me. I could hear my father’s belt whistled in the air, their eyes red with hatred. I could still feel them kicking me, beating me into a bloody pulp.

I could still feel the glass shards as I dove though the window. I would relive this nightmare over and over the same events; that I thought I was over with. Like seeing Jeff die as his cold dead eyes stared back at me; the words echoed in my mind. “It’s your fault, you murdered him. Nobody loves a worthless murderer like you.” The pain never seemed to end as the blood dripped between my legs until they were raw.

I wouldn’t let Mrs. Downing or my Grandmother change the bandages that were in more embarrassing places no matter how many times she has bathed me when I was growing up; it embarrassed me. Nothing short of a miracle was going to change that or the feeling of doubt that I had about being placed in another foster home because they couldn’t handle the problems that I caused. 

All I felt was alone in the world and abandoned by everyone that I thought cared about me. My Grandmother would sit with me holding me in her arms convincing me that there was no way she would abandon me. Yet she was leaving me alone into another strangers hands taking Aaron with her. She would reassure me over and over that Downing’s are a good family if I would just trust them; things would be ok.

Like I said it had been days since I had seen Jeff and it worried me when he seemed agitated. I knew something bad was going to happen. He wouldn’t tell me about the problem I would be facing instead he would say. “Just for me, trust the Downing’s and everything would be fine.” He has yet to lie to me and has been there for me through thick and thin. But why he was so agitated if I was going to be fine. I haven’t seen him this stressed out since I was sold to complete strangers. So to say I was more than worried as I watched him pace in my room watching the door as if some monster was going to come in.

The prediction came true as Jeff’s head jerked toward the door. My Grandmother had left to do some shopping and left Aaron here on the farm. Mr. Downing was in the chair reading the newspaper. The screen door slammed shut and then I heard Robert and Will yelling “Pa, Pa.” Seconds later, my father burst through the bedroom door with my mother right behind him.

Mr. Downing leaped over the bed and stood in front of my parents. I couldn’t breathe; I shook with fear seeing the anger in their eyes. Jeff telling me. “Keep your promise and things will work out… Trust me. Have I ever lied to you?” I couldn’t think straight as I watched the room in slow motion seeing the hatred in their eyes. I just knew I was about to die.

The sound was like thunder as Mr. Downing pointed to the door yelled. “Stop where you are. You are not allowed anywhere near him. Not now! Not ever! Git off my farm!  Boys escort our unwelcome guest out if you would please.” He growled like a wilder beast protecting his young. I had found that I had pissed myself again as I watched him and his boys escort my parents out and closed the door behind them.  I wanted to hide I wanted to run away, but I couldn’t move with my injuries; all I could do was cry like a baby. When the door opened I froze as the tears ran down my cheeks.

Mr. Downing was calm and collected as he came over and sat next to me, pulled me close to him as I cried into his arms. My fears seemed to leave me as he held me and made me feel safe, safer than I had been in my entire life. He promised me that there was no way in hell that he was going to let anyone harm me ever again. Somehow I believed him and said, “you promise?”

“We always keep our promises in this house. You can take that to the bank,” he said.

Mr. Downing paused long enough to feel my bed where was now damp with urine. “It looks like you had another accident,” I whispered sorry as he calmly picked me up giving the boys orders to remove the bedding; having Anna come in with Aaron. But they were already bursting through the door. Aaron quickly grabbed Mr. Downing and was holding him for dear life; covered with dirt and straw from head to toe and some chicken feathers in his hair.

Aaron gasped for breath as he held him crying against him. Robert covered me with a clean sheet as Mr. downing set me carefully in the chair. While he tended to my brother like he did with me and picked him up in his arms and held him against him. Telling him the same thing he told me. That nothing in this world would harm him ever again, he promised and placed him into Anna’s arms so Mr. Downing could take me down the hall to clean me up once more. He set me gently in the tub and slowly washed my bruised body noticing the rank bandaged that had turned green and yellow and the long gash down my left hip. He yelled for Robert to call Doctor Hatfield issuing orders to the girls to take Sam and Aaron down to the horses; having Will bring down some ice to numb the wounds.

When things go bad they really go bad as Doctor Hatfield arrived just minutes before my Grandmother did; which was even worse lying in a tub naked for the entire world to see. While Mrs. Downing and my Grandmother walked in seeing me in all my miserable glory. There was nothing I could do about it as they saw how bad the infection was as I tried to cover up; placing my hands over my crotch, turning red as they stared down at me; frowning at my naked body.

Mrs. Downing quickly took charge of the situation clearing the hallway while Mr. Downing picked me up and carried me back down the hall with no sheet to hide me from the world; dripping wet as the blood and the water fell on the hardwood floor and bloodied his pants and shirt. Set me on the bed as Doctor Hatfield went to work removing all the bandages. I screamed when he jabbed me with the needle in my leg somehow being naked didn’t seem all that important anymore vs. the pain I was feeling now. He cursed from one cut to another as he sniped the stitches and cleaned the wounds; removing the small pieces of glass and fragments of cloth; no doubt the source of the infection.

My Grandmother did her best to calm me as he poked and prodded the life out of me; Turning my body this way and that way to get a closer view. Moving my hands out his way every time I tried to cover my naked crotch; Mrs. Downing seemed to understand as she kissed my cheek reassuring me there was nothing to be embarrassed about considering she had seen it all after raising three boys and husband.

Somehow that didn’t make me feel any better and certainly did stop me for turning red with embarrassment, hearing my parent's words echo in my mind when the describe my immoral being and immodesty. There are something’s women and girls are never meant to see in my opinion and this was one of them. I was so heavily drugged with pain medication before Doctor Hatfield was done having his way with me. I hadn’t even noticed he had left when I woke up and it was already nightfall; finding a pile of new books by my bedside, and a couple of notebooks with plenty of pen and paper next to them, and my cursed glasses.

I nearly groaned seeing some of the books were stamped with Payson Jr. Highs logo on them. Somehow my Grandmother must have taken it in her head that I was doing summer school right here, no if or buts about it. And I was right when she noticed me looking at them as she sat in the corner reading the syllabus making sure I had everything.

The fact that I didn’t have a stitch on didn’t even cross her mind to her I was never immoral and modesty was nothing to worry about, I could run around without a stitch on and she wouldn’t have been embarrassed about it; even more so; placing a loving kiss on my head and book in my hands saying. “That should keep you out of trouble for a while. Mrs. Downing has agreed to home school you so can catch up with the rest of kids and not fall so far behind. I will not take any attitude from you young man, so let’s make that perfectly clear.” Her words still echoed in my mind as she laid down the law regarding how I chose to live this moment on. It seemed she found one my older pair of glasses, telling me my new ones will be here in a week or so.

I had two choices: I could either trust them or be placed in a foster home and roll the dice. But I should consider first before making that decision that Mr. Downing has already saved both me and my brother from a lifetime of beatings from my parents. And as along I was in this home no harm will come to me or my brother. Basically the same thing Jeff said to me earlier when he said, trust them. Reminding me that to the fact that she and Aaron were leaving tomorrow so I could have a chance to bond with them without having my brother or her under their feet. With that, she kissed my cheek and waited for Mrs. Downing to bring in my supper.

Reviews

[M Garcia]

As always, great descriptions. Great read, despite the scene.

[Shep]

thanks for the review

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Heartbreaking to read very descriptive