A Journeys Cause

Neurion is a elf from Osalin, who through a series of events decides to make a journey far across the world to save the one and only elf he would do just about anything for. His Eruwaedhiel

How far would you go to be with the one person whom brightens your day, makes you feel whole and be the best you can be? 

What lengths would you take to be with them? What obstacles along the way would you tackle no matter the cost?

Would you pass over mountains? Cross Seas? Brave the dark?

These were the questions I asked myself the day I left my home to find her. She was taken away to wed a noble as per arrangement in order to save her families estate. A decision no father should have had to make. They were not sure when they would see her again, if ever.

I thought of her often in the days leading up to my journey and even now as I make my way to the bottom of the mountain path to pass over the treacherous Mount Rheatimas she is with me. I miss her long, dark hair. Those deep, green beautiful eyes that swam with happiness when we were together. I missed her laugh that was a frequent welcome sound on our many walks together through the lands around our Osalin. I missed her sweet aroma that was a blend of roses and honeysuckle. Something I could never replicate for the real smell was like a waking dream only to be enjoyed by those who knew her and had the pleasure of her company.

My state in those days leading up to my departure were dark, filled with drinking and cold thoughts. Her family aware of our relationship kept their distance knowing full well what they had done.

I found out that she were to wed this noble in his hometown of Vaash on the first day of the new year which was a whole nine months from now. A long time away but where tradition and omens were concerned time wasn't much of a factor.

Vaash was far far away to the east with many towns, cities, mountains even seas in between.

Nothing could have made this worse or so I thought at the time. The fire though was the final blow. Despite distancing myself from her family I could not help but weep when I saw their estate engulfed in flame from my housing and her father’s lifeless body hanging limp from the rafters of the gateway when I arrived. I recognised the nobles colours on the flags the party carried and immediately put an arrow in two of their heads followed by brutally striking down the remaining few that had laid waste to my ladies home. It was then I made the decision to venture out into the world.

My name is Neurion and they say an elf will live for eternity. Well who’d want to live out eternity alone?

My sweet Eruwaedhiel (Air-oo-wye-thee-ell), I cannot bare to watch you marry another. Especially for what they have done to dishonour your family. I will come for you..

I packed light and wore light armour with warm clothing and a thick cloak. I would need warmth and weaponry for the journey ahead if I was to make it in time. I planned on using a canoe on the river that passed by Osalin to take me towards the mountain path for that would be the first of the many hurdles ahead of me.

As dawn loomed over Osalin I walked out of my home down to the river, broke away from the shore and didn't look back.

Reviews

[Patrick Jinks]

A great first chapter in my opinion. The prospect of crossing cities, mountains, oceans and rivers an absolute appetite-whetter for any epic fantasy.
The bit about the fire was the only bit that confused me and it took me a few reads to realise that is had been an attack- not just a freak fire. The scene was had to be brief to keep with the rest of the passage, but I think could be explained a bit more carefully.
Other than that, it was genuinely exciting. I really like the word Eruwaedhiel (but really glad you put the pronunciation!)

[Stan Lee]

So far so good! Sounds like the start to an epic adventure :) Very imaginative.

[APOORVA]

very interesting
very impressive
and very well flowed

[222333]

Now this one sounds interesting.

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

I had problems posting my review last night it was past 3:00AM when I finally gave up. lets see if I can remember what I said...

I really like this one of my Favourite parts of this chapter is when Neurion gets angry firing of a couple of Arrows and then he simply continues with his narrative. A "traditional" elf in my opinion would be at least annoyed at himself for killing them and wished he had just wounded them being adverse to killing in general but I like a non traditional take on Fantasy elements such as elves so all is good there. I didn't notice anything that NEEDS to be changed but I do have two suggestions the first is minor but the second in my opinion should be thought about very carefully.

1. Eruwaedhiel. I cant help but feel this name is too complicated and the pronunciation is not as clear as it could be. I don't think people will remember it or how to spell it and either give up reading or substitute it with another name. I strongly suggest you at least change how the pronunciation is written if I have spoken it correctly it could be written (Air-oo-way-thee-ll) its not a big difference to how its written but I tested it on few people and only one didn't pronounce it like the others but was still close to the mark.

2.How far would you go...? you say these were the questions you asked on the day you left. I draw issue with that. Not because I think it doesn't belong in the story but because to me that reads as if Neurion is asking those questions as he leaves but if he is leaving I think he has already answered those questions and I think it would take longer than a day to prepare to leave. think about it there is a lot to organise. what about his job? who is he saying goodbye to? Does someone need to look after his house and or Belongings? he is leaving for a long time and knows it, there would be a lot to do once he has decided to leave I think he would have had to answer his questions to decide to go... there are a couple of things you could do for this though perhaps the Murder he committed in rage has had a forceful hand in him leaving and he is wondering weather to go after her...

Yeah anyway I liked this and now that I have FINALLY left a review I'm a-go and read the next chapter :)