Lets Kill Santa!

Everyone is gunning for him.

I’ll get the riffle, you get the body bag.
This Christmas we’re killing Santa Claus.

Why you ask? WHY?!

Because Santa is a monster. Not this cheery, jolly, rosy cheeked man you see splashed all over the ads. Not a friendly man that you take pictures with or wait for late at night on Christmas Eve. NO. He is a greedy pig. A selfish, conceited, horrible man.  HE is one big marketing scheme. Out to pocket everyone’s cash!

Oh but he is clever, oh so very clever!
I bet he is lapping it  up in the North Pole with his hundreds… no! His thousands.. NO! His millions and billions of dollars.

 

Why do I think this way you ask? WHY?!
Everyone says he is so giving and caring… bull.
He gives on ONE day of the year! ONE. And only to those who can afford it!!!
He doesn’t even give! He is the delivery boy!!! A POST MAN. And he makes it big off his terrible scheme.  His nasty scheme. His sly and clever scheme. That swindler . That trickster!!! Why I outta…

 

What? What is his scheme??!

Well isn’t it obvious?? WELL?

Na- No… Well yea… Well maybe I don’t know exactly his scheme… BUT I KNOW ITS TERRIBLE.  OH HIS SCHEME.

 

Ok… Enough of the scheme. But… yea. I know… just sssshhh. I’m explaining myself!

 

Since when does one person decide who is naughty or nice?
Why does one man deserve more than the other?

 

This vile creature known as “Saint” Nick is not charitable. He is not giving nor caring. If he cared why would he only give on the one day of the year? Why? You don’t even need the things he gives!

He is never there when you need him!

 

Why isn’t he there for you when you’re starving?
Why isn’t he there when you’re cold?
When you’re alone…

When you need help…

 

Why isn’t hey there… For papa… When he needs help.
Why isn’t Santa standing by my Daddy’s side at the hospital?
Why won’t Santa grant me my one wish??!!

Why wont he give me ONE Christmas miracle??!!

 

Why does he only give to the children???
We are all children in this world! Everyone is someone’s daughter or son!!!

WHY? GOD DAMN, WHY?

YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?

GREED. PROFIT. BUSSINESS. EVIL.

 

Santa is a monster. He needs to be stopped! And no one is braver enough to stand up. To rise to the challenge!

But I am.

 

SO.

I’ll get the riffle. You get the body bag…
This Christmas we are killing Santa Claus.

Author's Note

I think its a bit of a kids story. But eh.
Its basically about a little girl who is heart broken over the illness of her father and she feels the need to blame it on someone. And because of the jolly season she has decided to pin it all on Santa and his "schemes".

I randomly thought of it today. I know its a bit late for Christmas Tales but you can always enjoy a story!
And sorry I keep setting them like they are poems... I just like the look!

Criticism is welcomed with a cup of tea and biscuits!

Reviews

[Nihilum]

This is an amazing story!

Why isn’t he there for you when you’re starving?
Why isn’t he there when you’re cold?
When you’re alone…
When you need help…

It's a nice change from people blaming God.
Great write!!!!

[Never-Sane]

Cuties idea and story I've read yet. Giggled and pondered over the entire thing. Im with you all the way! haha down with the fat man! No more cookies and milk for him!

[Hyperion]

Kids story!!?? whats wrong with you, poor santa....its good writing but seriously im going to protect him from you!! lol

[Mad Ben]

Funny outburst that, I like it.

Change of plans though. You carry the body bag, I get my chainsaw fueled up and ready 8-)

[Rose of Gondor]

Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) I loved it and I think it's the perfect time for this poem/story, Christmas or not.

This was very inspiring!!!

[Susan]

This is a really nice way of looking at Santa Claus. So many people love him. espceially children. I was always the skeptical one, so naturally this story appeals to me. I like the word choice, and how the phrase: I’ll get the riffle. You get the body bag…This Christmas we are killing Santa Claus. Is the first and last sentence of the writing.
There are some spelling errors that I've spotted. But you can argue that it matches the narrarator of the story, which is a young girl!
~Happy Writing!~

[yukiderp]

lol this made me laugh. out of everyone i know, no one has ever written negatively about santa, and i think this is totally right and downright amusing. i like the way you think