Submission

Submission

A Poem by Silmara McGarry

Kill me but don’t leave me, for I will be dead without you;
Hurt me but forgive me, for not hurting you back;
You have tangled me in your madness until I could think no more,
Yet I am drowning into submission don’t leave me I implore;
You have laughed at my tears for so many years and tear my heart apart, still I am always begging you to forgive me but soon you restart;
One day my fear will fade away, and all that I am going to say is goodbye and depart.

© 2016 Silmara McGarry



Author's Note

Silmara McGarry
This poem is about someone I meet while she was going through a very rough path in her life. I wrote it and give it to her. A little less then 5 months later, she wrote to me to say that she moved back to her country of origin and that the poem saved her from the bad situation she was. Sometimes one can be so deeply into a situation that becomes blind and forget its own power. But the inner power was always there.

My Review

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Featured Review

I was pulled by the title of the work. Submission carries a lot of applications in its meanings, both positive and negative.
This piece certainly develops well, the communication is quite clear, while remaining free to play with imagery.
As a work it could use some punctuation to allow the pause placed in the first line to better affect the changes in thought and tone in the lines that follow.. The rhyming of the third and fourth lines, then the fifth, sixth, and seventh, without any corresponding rhyme in the first and second lines, is a little distracting. I think the term use it or lose it applies here, either complete a rhyme scheme of some sort, or divest yourself of its weight.
All in all a very good piece, with strengths and a good tide change at the end.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Thank you for reading and taking the time to review it! I appreciated.

All best... :-.. read more



Reviews

A well written prom in free verses filled with honest emotions and feelings which reflect in every line of the poem. It is also like a sad story of a girl. I love it. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing. :)

BEst
szhzia

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

8 Months Ago

It is always sad to see the weakness of some people, but it is never too late for them rise in the s.. read more
SZHZIA

8 Months Ago

I appreciate your words. You are welcome. :)
A sad reality for some. This is no way to live, and have a life resembling normal or happy. No-one should be a slave. I'm glad to hear that your poem helped someone overcome such a bad situation.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Hey Robert! Thank you indeed for reading, I completely agree with you. So was I, so very glad.
An engaging first line reiterated throughout; a kind means of showing compassion. Thanks.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Thank you very much for reading and your kind review! I appreciated.

All best...
read more
Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Sorry Matt, I really don't know where this "read more" come from....lol..some mistake/smartphone.
Your poem reminds me of certain countries where women are treated like slaves. It is astonishing to see what fear can do to a person. It can break them from inside, it can make them believe that there is no hope. Your poem is really well written. I loved the way you describe her mental state. Good job.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheLostMind

1 Year Ago

Ywc :)......
Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Something went wrong with my smartphone, I didn't write this "read more"...ahahaha...But now since i.. read more
TheLostMind

1 Year Ago

That new iOS update must have caused it :P.
They say the words I love you, but in reality it should be "I love controlling you." Too many people get caught up in so much that they don't even see the imbalance in their relationship, because some people need to control others....hence why we have war, corruption and peoples human rights discarded.
Sometimes some people have to step up and confront them for their own good, to show them how they are being treated. The world is a better place for all those people who speak out and do something to better their own or others situations, rather than the see no evil, hear no evil attitude of the blissfully ignorant. Thought provoking read.


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Like always, you putted so well. I couldn't agree more. Thank you so much for taking the time to rea.. read more
Lorry.

1 Year Ago

You're welcome Sil. :)
I was pulled by the title of the work. Submission carries a lot of applications in its meanings, both positive and negative.
This piece certainly develops well, the communication is quite clear, while remaining free to play with imagery.
As a work it could use some punctuation to allow the pause placed in the first line to better affect the changes in thought and tone in the lines that follow.. The rhyming of the third and fourth lines, then the fifth, sixth, and seventh, without any corresponding rhyme in the first and second lines, is a little distracting. I think the term use it or lose it applies here, either complete a rhyme scheme of some sort, or divest yourself of its weight.
All in all a very good piece, with strengths and a good tide change at the end.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Thank you for reading and taking the time to review it! I appreciated.

All best... :-.. read more
I liked this poem. The perfect use of description create place and need.
"Kill me but don’t leave me, for I will be dead without you
Hurt me but forgive me for not hurting you back"
Submission lead to dark places with no return. Thank you Silmara for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Yes, you are right!
But in her case, she did manage to came out of the dark place also calle.. read more
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

My pleasure to read your work and you are welcome.
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Gee
It is amazing just how one sided love can be. Great opening line. 'Tis a fine thing indeed that you wrote this, delivered, and it opened the eyes of the recipient. You're a good 'un

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Yes it is, I must agree with you. Thank you indeed, Gee! ;-) Sil
Gee

1 Year Ago

My pleasure, welcome to WC, hope you have fun
Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

Ohhh... Thanks so much! I am having fun already :-)
Very powerful. You can do anything you put you mind to never forget that. The mind is your greatest tool.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silmara McGarry

1 Year Ago

True.This poem is about someone I meet while she was going through a very rough path in her life. A .. read more

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9 Reviews
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Added on August 30, 2016
Last Updated on September 6, 2016

Author

Silmara McGarry
Silmara McGarry

May we find our souls floating in the peaceful waters of it's original place. SM, United Kingdom



About
I often try to see the world with angels eyes... To leave people better then I found them, even if is just with a smile... I Love God above all... Simple love poems are my favourite... Most of wha.. more..

Writing

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