When I was Four.

When I was Four.

A Poem by Siena - Silent Awakenings.
"

The imagination you have when you're four.

"
Playing dead in the back garden.

Quiet... Only the hum of planes gracefully sweep across stained blue skies.
Quiet... Only the leaves on nearby trees brush against each other.
Loud... Lawn mowers come to life, scarfing up grass.
Loud... Helicopters hover.
Atlas, Atlas, they've come to save me, for I was alone, in my zone, outside home.

Playing dead in the back garden.

© 2011 Siena - Silent Awakenings.


Author's Note

Siena - Silent Awakenings.
My favorite year so far, was the year 2000... when I was four.

My Review

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Featured Review

really enjoyed this. I especially like the structure, with the same phrase placed as bookends on the poem - like prologue and epilogue. Well done. I have just a couple of grammar notes:

"near by" should be "nearby"

"scoffing" literally means mocking or jeering. In the context of your poem, perhaps you mean "scarfing", which means "eating."

"with phone" - do you mean "without phone"?

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

really enjoyed this. I especially like the structure, with the same phrase placed as bookends on the poem - like prologue and epilogue. Well done. I have just a couple of grammar notes:

"near by" should be "nearby"

"scoffing" literally means mocking or jeering. In the context of your poem, perhaps you mean "scarfing", which means "eating."

"with phone" - do you mean "without phone"?

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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270 Views
1 Review
Added on August 24, 2011
Last Updated on August 30, 2011
Tags: Child, Imagination, Adventure, Alone, Playing

Author

Siena - Silent Awakenings.
Siena - Silent Awakenings.

United Kingdom



About
Siena / 25 / England I adore Writing. Please check out my contest winners, they are all so great: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Show-me-the-determination.-/14590/ http://www.writersca.. more..

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