That Bright, Bright Sun

A man, a sun, a sinking night.

Resting atop the grey-ish silhouettes of thin clouds, a dim spark appeared like a candle light. It rose and rose, oh how so ever beautiful. Then the spark melted inwards, shaping out a small ball like a newborn star, and it floated more greatly upwards like a balloon free from the grasp of a child’s hand. The thin wavy clouds formed into slithering snakes that tailed ribbons of hot vapor behind them, coiling their ways across the rising sun.

A heated blanket of light bathed my body in fine little fires that smoldered beneath my bleak suit. A rush of sensation ran up and through my quivering spine. Oh, how so ever wonderful.

Then, the sun curved upwards, forming a concave shape like a crescent moon. The moon lingered, dimming its way into the damp night, before finally fading into a patch of firm smoke. Only the snakes of vapor remained, lost and confused in the velvet night.

I dropped my rifle. Why bother carrying it? I tore my patch. Why bother wearing it?

The night formed cold and unforgiving in the endless void of man’s desire, sinking its bitter colors into all life around. A cracking whip split the air in two, throwing plumes of dust up from the ground below. I stood and waited for the clouds to reform their waves, but the snakes still quivered, slowly and disturbingly. Steadily, a silence gathered around and a light thunder roared from the rolling mountain tops. The world had made its pitiful surrender into the frigid and bleak. A world once beautiful and livid now made waste by that bright, bright sun.

Author's Note

First short, all criticism is welcome!

Reviews

[Jacob Amos]

Where's the rest of the story, I was just getting into it :P The excessive description is not out of place, due to this being mostly atmospheric. Play some more with this and you can make a really interesting plot from this.

[Silent Sonata]

Thanks man! I'm actually planning on adding to this story in the future so be sure to keep an eye out for that :)

[Cœur]

This wasn't bad at all, I enjoyed it. I was a bit disappointed with the length to be honest, it could have been a bit longer. But it flowed, and that's what makes a good story. You did very well, I'm looking forward to reading more.

[Silent Sonata]

Thanks! I had to keep it under 500 words while writing it so I could submit it to a contest. But don't worry, my upcoming stories will be much longer!

[Cœur]

That's good to hear :)