I don't mind if poems rhyme or don't rhyme a forced rhyme is what can hurt you but this seem natural and the flow was nice. I loved this piece to me it was like a metaphor of life and how you want to reach a goal but you have to take each step carefully and individually that you can't conquer all your dreams at once, because you're afraid that you'll miss a step and fall (therefore your dreams fall with you) and the ending was awesome as well because I think most of us can relate to that dream of falling from a cliff, I know a little about dream interpretation and to dream that you're standing on the edge of a cliff means that you've reached a new level of understanding and a new point of view in your life, (which to me the poem is kind of like that) it can also mean that you are making a decision in your life and if you dream that you are falling then it suggests that you are dealing with something difficult or afraid of what the future holds. So to me this poem is like one of those dreams and you've described it perfectly.
You take each step carefully as not to slip and lose your dreams but then you wake up to realize that you have reached that mountain top and that all of your dreams have been or will be realized. A superb write! Keep it up! :) 100/100 for originality and creativity. :)
Cheers! You did a good job, no need to worry that you didn't. Overall I think I iked the very last two lines, "This mountain you see, I'm often falling from". I think that that section reminds the reader that there are metaphoric mountains in our lives, and often times we find ourselves unwilling to even try to climb them and get past them... so we fall... in your poem - you did it, you made it to the top.
Something Bad: I know you're just starting out, but how did you feel on top of the mountain? What did you smell, what kinds of sounds were there? You already have imagery - but you want the reader to be able to feel the aching from the climb as they read, you want them to feel, see, hear, smell, and taste everything you do.
Something Good: Like I said in the beginning of the review, I like the idea of finally making it up the mountain. It's a beautiful idea. Another line I enjoyed was, "A very tall mountain, standing up to me" that was a great image, honestly as I writer I am never at a loss for words, but here I'm finding it difficult - I'll give it a shot, it's like the mountain knows your struggling and so it's "standing up to you" as a test of your own determination.
The poem flows well and the rhyme is good. I happen to be one who likes a good rhyme. :) I like the message. The beginning can be taken as life and its challenges that we face. Reminds me of the saying, "I think I can". The ending is fun. It can be taken a few different ways. I like this. Nice job. Keep up the writing! :)
This is one of those dream-time poems that seem to be straighforward, finely created, good metre and all that;. then, the reader begins to see its different layers, because almost every stanza points towards a moral. But, have to admit the ending surprised me, made me laugh actually - because how often do we try and try, then, find something making us lose our footing.
Dreams so often have a way of continuing a sequence of thought, the restless mind moves on or back or side to side. Whatever you meant with this, it really builds into a fine piece of writing.
It's great to discover a new poet in the Cafe.. thank you.
I'm new to writing. I will make many mistakes along the way. I welcome all comments. I have a passion for Vampires, Werewolves and fantasy stories. I don't write poetry often..but when I get stuck, I .. more..
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