Autumn Wind

The second seasonal poem right after Spring Blossom...

Cold as it is,

The wind blows carelessly

As the red and brown leaves

Trip, play and fly around me

 

Bold it can be,

The majestic colors can be seen

In the mountains and in the parks

Where I can hear the sweet melody of the larks

 

A beautiful sight that's what it is

Can't help but smile at it

As I sit down on the cold wet ground

Watching the busy people strut around

 

Now, I have to go home and slumber,

As winter comes a little faster

At the den, my pups are waiting for me

To cuddle, and with them I sleep

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

A lovely picture poem that lights up the mind. However, there are some problems with grammar here, not many, but punctuation could also improve this piece. Your fourth line -
'As the red and brown leaves
Trips, plays and flies around me' - just because 'leaves' is plural doesn't mean that the following words need to be plural. 'Trip, play and fly around me' would be more correct.
Commas are important. They direct the reader where to insert the pauses. I would add a comma after the first line of the second verse, and again after the third line.
Bold it can be,
The majestic colors can be seen
In the mountains and in the parks,
Where I can hear the sweet melody of the larks. (Also use full stops)
Try the following for the third verse -
A beautiful sight, that's what it is;
Can't help but smile at it
As I sit down on the cold, wet ground,
Watching the busy people strut around.
In the fourth verse I would insert commas after 'slumber', and 'cuddle'.
Just my take on it. Otherwise, a pleasant write that throws images at you as you read. Well done.

[fionnaiscool]

i enjoyed reading this, it truly opens the eyes to outside of our hustle-bustle lives...

[Leah]

Good imagery. Made me feel all snuggly! We don't exactly have all four seasons here in Singapore, but this gives a sense of what it's like.

[Ravenskald]

wow this is lovely and it really cheered me up.
Very nice work, and it's not a story !!!!
*smiles*


~Raven

[Emily B]

I like the way you tripped me up with my own perception. Niiiiice.