This world

My thought's of this country, and any other country!

Killing,

Beating,

Hurting,

Cheating,

Stealing,

Dealing,

Doing,

Starting,

Where is the end?

No one will ever know,

But no one will say,

The choice is yours, 

Will you be the 1st to stop it,

Or are you going to be the one to start another,

On the news do you hear anything great?

I don't last thing I would hear is that,

What I hear is the breaking news,

So an so killing so an so,

There has to be people out there doing something great for the world,

Why can't we hear about that too?

Nope,

To bad for us,

It's only the bad stuff today,

If you want to hear about that,

You have to go online,

But,

I can't make the change,

Can you?

Author's Note

Sorry is there is any grammar problems.

Reviews

[Ethan Paz]

Good job in expressing your thoughts to the audience but try to make it more poetic by flowing a little more smoothly.

[Wolfwind Words]

I like the flow and form of this peice... there is one section that it hangs up because of the grammer issues...
"I don't last thing I would hear is that,
What I hear is the breaking news,
So an so killing so an so,"

Here's my suggestion...

"I don't,"
"Last thing I heard,"
"Is the breaking news!"

The line - "So an So killing So an So"
This line is a bit thin. I'd try something like.

"Death, murder and abuse."

The rest flows really well. I wouldnt' worry about rhyme in this piece, it works well without it.

Keep up the wonderful Ink!
Aaron Wolfie Maycroft

[St.Jimmy]

nice poem
but it didn't flows good
you can put rhymes to make it flow better
i didn't find any grammar probs in this
try to make it flow better
~Aaradhya