Ten Seconds...

Ten Seconds...

A Poem by sinNsincerity

I took a seat.

Then a second later

turned my head

towards she

and it was more

than right that

our eyes

would meet.

A lightning bolt

in a bottle,

ready to super-nov-

Ugh…

I want to tell you

that I love you.

That’s how beautiful

I can tell

you are.

Inside

and

out!

Just like a

Pop Tart...

I want to bite

it for a rush.

The desires of

my inner lust,

but surely,

it’s a must,

that the essence 

of this 

tells me

that she’s 

much more

than this...


Sweet nutrition!



© 2015 sinNsincerity



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Featured Review

"I took a seat.
Then a second later
turned my head
towards she
and it was more
than right that
our eyes
would meet." I took me a bit to get into the rhythm of the piece, but I really appreciate the way you've broken up the sentences.

"A lightning bolt
in a bottle,
ready to super-nov-
Ugh…
I want to tell you
that I love you." - I love how casual you've written something that has such weight. I can feel the underlying frustration of not being able to say those words to someone.

"That’s how beautiful
I can tell
you are." - There's such an off way that you've written some of these lines, they are just really original sounding and I love the - quirkiness you have to your voice.

"Inside
and
out!
Just like a
Pop Tart...
I want to bite
it for a rush." - again I have to stop and appreciate the originality in your description. Well done! It adds a lightness to the piece as if to limit the intensity but still get the same ideas across.

"The desires of
my inner lust,
but surely,
it’s a must,
that the essence
of this
tells me
that she’s
much more
than this...

Sweet nutrition!" - I think you could remove the exclamation point after 'out' since you have one after nutrition. I like it better at the end. I love how you've compared this to nutritional food versus the stuff that tastes good but isn't good for you. Very original take on things. I enjoyed it much, thank you! Write on.

-Rynn




Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

Thanks Rynn, I always try to do my best to capture the moment or feelings and allow the poem take on.. read more



Reviews

You are a genuine romantic. The meet of a perfect stranger becomes beautiful in your eyes with out a word. I appreciate your flow it adds the sheer drama of it all. Charming. Thanks for sharing and
God Bless

Sheer Terror

Posted 8 Months Ago


I enjoyed this piece. It's like a peek into a mind...sometimes we just think and our thoughts splat into paper like a falling paint brush and before we say "crap I dropped that"...we realized how beautiful the the paint has landed and we are mesmerized by it!
That is what this piece is to me!! It's a sweet little moment turned into layers of thought. I pictured you on a bus or train just hoping on for a minute and then what appeared to be seconds turned into the reality of this is more Than just visible beauty before me this could be love...to put it short it had layers for me and I loved it!! I love the pop tart reference! The "sweet nutrition" the "super-nov-"! Short...SWEET...heartfelt...creative as hell...LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
Tabby

Posted 8 Months Ago


Wow,
I admire the visions and comparisons here...
moving story with touches of desire.

Posted 8 Months Ago


I find this one very appealing. The way it is broken up makes it very rhythmic and kind of makes it build up in my head as it progresses. Good stuff!

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

Thank you Ms. Billips, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Not 'towards she,' it should be toward her. Valentine

Posted 8 Months Ago


sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

I did that on purpose. I'm an English major and know very well that it should be her, but I tend to .. read more
gayleadele

8 Months Ago

I think it's great when a good writer intentionally words their ideas inappropriately. It gives the .. read more
Awww this poem was so sweet and creative. I especially like the poptart metaphor. Never would've thought of that... might have to use it one day. Whoever this girl is, she's very lucky ;)

Posted 8 Months Ago


I love the layout of this poem. And it flows perfectly :)

Posted 8 Months Ago


The lightning :) smooth easy flow, I really dig it. The pop tart line....SKILLS!
that's killer good. I think your snap shot of the moment is so endearing. Regards Ray

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much for thinking so Rach, I'm really glad that you dig it. Have a splendid day.
aLittlePain

8 Months Ago

You're welcome
Made me think of the time I bit into a pop tart too soon out of the toaster. The icing burned my mouth, bad. There's a metaphor there, I think. The poem was great, your flow is killer!

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

That would always happen to me with hot chocolate as a kid, but I enjoy the burn from coffee. It com.. read more
This piece is very beautiful. The simplicity of the structure and the imagery goes a long way. The words of the poem are very heartfelt and honest. It is easy to see how sudden the sweetness and desire of a wholesome person can bring such bliss.

I absolutely love it!

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

Thank you for thinking so, and I'm really glad that you did love it.

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44 Reviews
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Added on June 26, 2015
Last Updated on July 22, 2015

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



About
"It was about that time I realized that searching was my symbol, the emblem of those who go out at night with nothing in mind, the motives of destroyer of compasses." Hopscotch -Julio Cortazar .. more..

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