Ten Seconds...

I took a seat.

Then a second later

turned my head

towards she

and it was more

than right that

our eyes

would meet.

A lightning bolt

in a bottle,

ready to super-nov-

Ugh…

I want to tell you

that I love you.

That’s how beautiful

I can tell

you are.

Inside

and

out!

Just like a

Pop Tart...

I want to bite

it for a rush.

Ouch!

Not so fast.

I burned my

Tongue.

The desires of

my inner lust,

but surely,

it’s a must,

that the essence 

of this 

tells me

that she’s 

much more

than this...

Sweet nutrition!

Reviews

[Rynn]

"I took a seat.
Then a second later
turned my head
towards she
and it was more
than right that
our eyes
would meet." I took me a bit to get into the rhythm of the piece, but I really appreciate the way you've broken up the sentences.

"A lightning bolt
in a bottle,
ready to super-nov-
Ugh…
I want to tell you
that I love you." - I love how casual you've written something that has such weight. I can feel the underlying frustration of not being able to say those words to someone.

"That’s how beautiful
I can tell
you are." - There's such an off way that you've written some of these lines, they are just really original sounding and I love the - quirkiness you have to your voice.

"Inside
and
out!
Just like a
Pop Tart...
I want to bite
it for a rush." - again I have to stop and appreciate the originality in your description. Well done! It adds a lightness to the piece as if to limit the intensity but still get the same ideas across.

"The desires of
my inner lust,
but surely,
it’s a must,
that the essence
of this
tells me
that she’s
much more
than this...

Sweet nutrition!" - I think you could remove the exclamation point after 'out' since you have one after nutrition. I like it better at the end. I love how you've compared this to nutritional food versus the stuff that tastes good but isn't good for you. Very original take on things. I enjoyed it much, thank you! Write on.

-Rynn

[sinNsincerity]

Thanks Rynn, I always try to do my best to capture the moment or feelings and allow the poem take on a life of its own rather than forcing it into something its not.

[aLittlePain]

The lightning :) smooth easy flow, I really dig it. The pop tart line....SKILLS!
that's killer good. I think your snap shot of the moment is so endearing. Regards Ray

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much for thinking so Rach, I'm really glad that you dig it. Have a splendid day.

[aLittlePain]

You're welcome

[mercy party]

Made me think of the time I bit into a pop tart too soon out of the toaster. The icing burned my mouth, bad. There's a metaphor there, I think. The poem was great, your flow is killer!

[sinNsincerity]

That would always happen to me with hot chocolate as a kid, but I enjoy the burn from coffee. It comforts the cigarettes...

[Harlotte Crow]

This piece is very beautiful. The simplicity of the structure and the imagery goes a long way. The words of the poem are very heartfelt and honest. It is easy to see how sudden the sweetness and desire of a wholesome person can bring such bliss.

I absolutely love it!

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you for thinking so, and I'm really glad that you did love it.

[Hebe]

A lightening bolt ! It certainly is that.... emotion is hard to control and your words just capture perfectly the essence,the craving and the awe of it all... Awesome ! Good luck with your pursuit, I read your comment below ;)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Hebe, and what comment might that be?

[Isabella Ivy]

Interesting! Thank you for the read request. I feel like I reviewed this before but don't see it. I must have gotten interrupted mid-sentence. I like, 'sweet nutrition'and vote for everyone to taste both the love described here and the healthful kind :)

[sinNsincerity]

hehe, thank you Isabella.

[Isabella Ivy]

Most welcome :)

[richieb]

Very good in all that can happen in 10 seconds when we first look upon someone that sets off our electrical impulses. Your words captured this meeting well. We are capable of witnessing a life time of emotions and images in mere seconds.
I enjoyed your poem. Also it is great if we have a breath mint at this eventful moment.
Peace,
Richie b.

[sinNsincerity]

Very much so indeed, i'm glad that you enjoyed it Richie

[Jes' Pi]

Sweet poem and well penned! Very good!

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Atashusi!

[boygene borice]

I love the flow of the poem, the style of writing and mood and atmosphere created within.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank Sir Borice, I'm really glad that you did.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"Just like a
Pop Tart..."

This made me laugh! Are girls really edible? lol I found this funny and sweet. You've penned this out nicely. I enjoyed reading this :)

[sinNsincerity]

Hehe, not sure if you rally want me to answer that honestly.
But I'm more than glad that it did make you laugh and that makes it all worth it.
Thank you so much Yumna, I hope you have a great day.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah I think I know what your answer would be 😂
It did. You're most welcome! I hope the same for you 😊