Ten Seconds...

Ten Seconds...

A Poem by sinNsincerity

I took a seat.

Then a second later

turned my head

towards she

and it was more

than right that

our eyes

would meet.

A lightning bolt

in a bottle,

ready to super-nov-

Ugh…

I want to tell you

that I love you.

That’s how beautiful

I can tell

you are.

Inside

and

out!

Just like a

Pop Tart...

I want to bite

it for a rush.

Ouch!

Not so fast.

I burned my

Tongue.

The desires of

my inner lust,

but surely,

it’s a must,

that the essence 

of this 

tells me

that she’s 

much more

than this...


Sweet nutrition!

© 2018 sinNsincerity


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Featured Review

"I took a seat.
Then a second later
turned my head
towards she
and it was more
than right that
our eyes
would meet." I took me a bit to get into the rhythm of the piece, but I really appreciate the way you've broken up the sentences.

"A lightning bolt
in a bottle,
ready to super-nov-
Ugh…
I want to tell you
that I love you." - I love how casual you've written something that has such weight. I can feel the underlying frustration of not being able to say those words to someone.

"That’s how beautiful
I can tell
you are." - There's such an off way that you've written some of these lines, they are just really original sounding and I love the - quirkiness you have to your voice.

"Inside
and
out!
Just like a
Pop Tart...
I want to bite
it for a rush." - again I have to stop and appreciate the originality in your description. Well done! It adds a lightness to the piece as if to limit the intensity but still get the same ideas across.

"The desires of
my inner lust,
but surely,
it’s a must,
that the essence
of this
tells me
that she’s
much more
than this...

Sweet nutrition!" - I think you could remove the exclamation point after 'out' since you have one after nutrition. I like it better at the end. I love how you've compared this to nutritional food versus the stuff that tastes good but isn't good for you. Very original take on things. I enjoyed it much, thank you! Write on.

-Rynn




Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Thanks Rynn, I always try to do my best to capture the moment or feelings and allow the poem take on.. read more



Reviews

love this one...very clever - well done :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much Mrs. Bradley, I'm glad that you did.
its an interesting piece of work and i liked a lot

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Thank you Abraham, I'm really glad that you did.
I cant help but think " thats too cute" blin this girly, cheesy way that a teenager would understand lol
But i really did enjoy this. The imagry and the setting

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

And that's how she made me feel, like I was back in high school, but sadly things never did take off.. read more
annalysiar

7 Years Ago

One day thwy will but you got a taste of it and thats what matters.
Remember : the true gift.. read more
sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Always....
I myself have never experienced love at first sight, but with this poem, it captures the rush of love, the joy, the silliness, the shock, all in separate ways. It covers many of the aspects of love at first sight, for what it is believed to be, even by those who don't quite believe in it. I liked how you called her beautiful only once, and used metaphors to bring similar meanings throughout the poem. Most poets writing about love are unable to do this. I truly enjoyed this poem, it lingers both far and close to the typical love poem, the same feelings in such an unfamiliar presentation. Those who believe in love and those who believe only in lust alike can enjoy this poem.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

I love that you go so much out of this!
I do believe in love at first sight. Maybe I'm a fool.. read more
Love at first sight comes in rarity. To describe love is more difficulty than to feel love's presence.

"Just like a
Pop Tart..."

My favorite stanza. I can't help but too keep going back to this line. A pop Tart...something that looks as good as it taste. Hoping that love is as good as it looks. Perhaps this is not the purpose of this piece but the meaning I got from it was definitely something for a reader to think about. :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Totally a Pop Tart and it should mean what ever you want it to be. How ever it makes you feel and th.. read more
"..she's much more than this.." that is a wonderful ending.. left me thinking what happened next? Hungry for more :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

She really is much more. We all are and I have to believe that.
I can tell you what's happeni.. read more
and if the lust we fall so easily into with just a sip of a beautiful sight grows into LOVE...what then...love the write and the questions posed...

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

You never know what it may grow into and I'm ready to find out...
Thank you so much for readi.. read more
I adored the uggh in the middle and then real verses. It added a youthful and fresh approach. Honestly i found more emotion in the ending "realness" than the beginning when he was trying to impress her. Great piece

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Thank you, I put the ugh in so people could know how bad I want her now, but afterwards, yes I reali.. read more
I have to say that is one long story. But it was fun. Kinda like you tripped over your tongue due to her beauty and did not know what to do. Thanks for sharing. Where ever you thought you were, she is out of your league.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Thank you Willard!
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dan
We've all seen "the one" across a crowded room and imagined the perfect love that would result if you could just meet them; the realization that the fantasy and lust were only a faraway dream, then discovering the belief that there is most assuredly more there than meets the eye. A very insightful write. take care...dan

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Yes, very much so. I couldn't of have said it any better.
Thank you Dan.

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Added on June 26, 2015
Last Updated on March 9, 2018

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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