Ten Seconds...

Ten Seconds...

A Poem by sinNsincerity

I took a seat.

Then a second later

turned my head

towards she

and it was more

than right that

our eyes

would meet.

A lightning bolt

in a bottle,

ready to super-nov-

Ugh…

I want to tell you

that I love you.

That’s how beautiful

I can tell

you are.

Inside

and

out!

Just like a

Pop Tart...

I want to bite

it for a rush.

Ouch!

Not so fast.

I burned my

Tongue.

The desires of

my inner lust,

but surely,

it’s a must,

that the essence 

of this 

tells me

that she’s 

much more

than this...


Sweet nutrition!

© 2018 sinNsincerity


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Featured Review

"I took a seat.
Then a second later
turned my head
towards she
and it was more
than right that
our eyes
would meet." I took me a bit to get into the rhythm of the piece, but I really appreciate the way you've broken up the sentences.

"A lightning bolt
in a bottle,
ready to super-nov-
Ugh…
I want to tell you
that I love you." - I love how casual you've written something that has such weight. I can feel the underlying frustration of not being able to say those words to someone.

"That’s how beautiful
I can tell
you are." - There's such an off way that you've written some of these lines, they are just really original sounding and I love the - quirkiness you have to your voice.

"Inside
and
out!
Just like a
Pop Tart...
I want to bite
it for a rush." - again I have to stop and appreciate the originality in your description. Well done! It adds a lightness to the piece as if to limit the intensity but still get the same ideas across.

"The desires of
my inner lust,
but surely,
it’s a must,
that the essence
of this
tells me
that she’s
much more
than this...

Sweet nutrition!" - I think you could remove the exclamation point after 'out' since you have one after nutrition. I like it better at the end. I love how you've compared this to nutritional food versus the stuff that tastes good but isn't good for you. Very original take on things. I enjoyed it much, thank you! Write on.

-Rynn




Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Thanks Rynn, I always try to do my best to capture the moment or feelings and allow the poem take on.. read more



Reviews

The eyes can tell so much "windows to the soul". You have penned a gorgeous romantic gem.

:) Julie

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

I highly appreciate it Julie. Thank you So much.
Yes they are, very much so!
It's like you brought me on a journey!
Keep it up!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Thank you Emily!
Nice poem. It was very straight forward , which makes it clear to the reader. I liked you enjambments as well.......

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Thank you Guy!
Very nice poetry ........

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Thank you Silent Poet!
I agree with Maja! Super creative play on "supernova"! Great poem:)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much, I thought it would be clever. It actually makes me laugh to think that I wrote th.. read more
I love these lines:

"A lightning bolt
in a bottle,
ready to super-nov-
Ugh…"

Kudos for writing them :))

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

That's my favorite part in the poem also.
Thank you Maja!
beautiful sentiment of love my friend

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Years Ago

Thank you Sir!
 wordman

8 Years Ago

you are welcome

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1502 Views
46 Reviews
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Added on June 26, 2015
Last Updated on March 9, 2018

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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