Believe It Or Not Believe It Or Not
This is my first attempt at slam poetry, and I'm excited to film a performance of this piece over the coming day.
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Gothic Love Spit

Gothic Love Spit

A Poem by sinNsincerity
"

Are you ready???

"

Her sunflower mouth

Sprout and sprang,

And with that,

Insanity sang.

And here I came,

Chasing dementia...

A madness that yawned

Proudly and stout.

Portly corpulent

When weighing in

On our clout...

Lost in thought?

No doubt.

But captivated in your trot.

Tip toeing through your

Hopscotch of a plot.

I was getting closer to your warmth,

But then I forgot...

You're my heart’s bandage,

But I'm sorry love,

I'm the making love bandit.

But you love this...

Can you handle this

Eternal bondage?






© 2016 sinNsincerity



My Review

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Featured Review

There is a grand dance here, the tempering of the words used in the imagery is quite fine at times.
This has some good bones, and the intensity shows through.
The rhymes are a challenge, either they need to find a scheme both you and they can live with, or free them from this work.
Her sunflower mouth sprout and sprang, is an incredible success, and a powerful way to begin this piece. Proudly and stout portly corpulent, seems weak in its repetition of thought.
Though eternal bondage is an interesting way to end the piece, the three lines before it could be more robust, and "the making love bandit" is too 70's pop music cute to stand proud next to some of the excellent creations you have placed here.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

1 Year Ago

I do that with with the rhymes to f**k with people's minds. Readers will get sucked it to it and onc.. read more



Reviews

This one made me smile for some reason. Lovely ballads under the night's blanket dear author :)

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

Always such a pleasure Ana, I am so glad that it did make you smile. Always a plus!
I think this one is my favorite. This built up rather nicely I especially love that last line: "can you handle this Eternal Bondage?" I enjoyed how you worded it, making eternal bondage as a title.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

10 Months Ago

Aye, that's so awesome to hear!
annalysiar

10 Months Ago

I am more than happy to oblige
I see your comment below and commend you for part of it. Why write like every one else, who knows you might develop a style that others want to copy. Valentine

Posted 10 Months Ago


You sucked me in and took over. I appreciated this from start to finish.

Posted 11 Months Ago


This is a good read and it is well written. But my main critique is the title called Gothic Love Spirit. Are they any gothic elements in this poem.

Posted 1 Year Ago


This was so awesome, I love your poems. SO glad I subscribed to you.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

10 Months Ago

Thank you Edana
Holy s**t, this is good. Thanks for the pleasant surprise. Much of what I read on writerscafe is not so good. (Yes, I may be an a*****e, but at least I'm an honest one.) So, good work here, honestly.

Posted 1 Year Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

1 Year Ago

Hahah love your reaction. Honesty is key and if anyone would ever say they have never been an a*****.. read more
NeuroVersifier

1 Year Ago

Agreed. Glad to hear.
There is a grand dance here, the tempering of the words used in the imagery is quite fine at times.
This has some good bones, and the intensity shows through.
The rhymes are a challenge, either they need to find a scheme both you and they can live with, or free them from this work.
Her sunflower mouth sprout and sprang, is an incredible success, and a powerful way to begin this piece. Proudly and stout portly corpulent, seems weak in its repetition of thought.
Though eternal bondage is an interesting way to end the piece, the three lines before it could be more robust, and "the making love bandit" is too 70's pop music cute to stand proud next to some of the excellent creations you have placed here.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

1 Year Ago

I do that with with the rhymes to f**k with people's minds. Readers will get sucked it to it and onc.. read more
I appreciate the titillating nature of this piece ;)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

1 Year Ago

Thank you, I appreciate that!
This is a wonderful piece. You did a great job.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

1 Year Ago

Thank you!

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Added on August 23, 2016
Last Updated on August 26, 2016

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



About
"It was about that time I realized that searching was my symbol, the emblem of those who go out at night with nothing in mind, the motives of destroyer of compasses." Hopscotch -Julio Cortazar .. more..

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