Daphne

You are my

Poetree.

Each story holds its leaf,

But deeper I go

Cause I wanna see your roots.

Cocooning in your trunk...

Allow us to grow from within.

Drenched with your nectar,

Pour me a shot.

Save me a minute; rather,

I want to lay in it,

So there's no need for olive oil baths.

The discovery of your tomb has

Fed my hunger of the fruit of your womb.

Fruit of my woman,

Fruit of my Moon,

Woven and dancing within my soul.

Grant me a taste...

Can you see the craters that were

Bruised upon my chest?

Underneath the branch is where my heart rest.

The poisoness of my days...

Spring in my face.

Author's Note

Gothpel
Calling on the Muses
Let me Worship yoU

Reviews

[Kittenincake]

Wow, very poetic. Love your choice of words and how you weaved them. I like that you avoid filler words and have an immense amount of meaning in your context.

My favorite line: "Can you see the bruise that was
Laid upon my chest?
Underneath the branch is where my heart sings." Well done, I'll be reading more of your work.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much, I'm more than glad that you enjoyed it! Take care and have a great day.

[MoonChild]

I totally agree with the above review, couldn't had written it better myself

[Hebe]

A very enchanting and passionate write
Allow us to grow from within.
Drenched with your nectar,
A very lucky fair maiden... enjoyed reading this romance :)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Hebe for thinking so, but there is no fair maiden as of the moment. I write for my past loves and the one to come.

[Hebe]

And with beautiful words and your sincerity you will my friend :)

[BThomvanWart]

Very intriguing notion of calling for inspiration. It's almost like a sonnet, but it's prose. I enjoyed this a lot - mostly because it gave me a Greek vibe without pulling out all of the jargon used in the mythos.

[sinNsincerity]

Indeed, I've studied Shakespeare's sonnet's for years and have written some myself but I do enjoy letting it loose and allow the poem to take over me; rather than, me taking control of it. I'm really glad that you did enjoy it.
-David

[prachi prangya agasti]

A good job on this piece...

[Giulia King]

"Underneath the branch is wear my heart sings.
The poisoness of my days...
Spring in my face." Beautifully written!

[Rynn]

"You are my
Poetree." - I like the play on words, but perhaps to avoid confusion it should be "Poet-tree"

"Each story holds its leaf,
But deeper I go " - very neat concept, but for fluency/flow sake, I would suggest:

"But the deeper I go"

"Cause I wanna see your roots.
Cocooning through your trunk..." - again, I really like where you're going with this. I noticed a couple things here, grammatically and stylistically. When using dots to trail off a thought, four is the correct usage:

"...."

and stylistically, I noticed ever line is capitalized, meaning that readers will read it as a new sentence. If that is your intention, then pay me no mind, but It gives the piece less room to flow nicely and comes across as choppy.

"Save me a minute; rather,
I want to lay in it," - I really liked this line. Very neat way of describing this feeling.

"So there's no need for olive oil baths.
The discovery of your tomb has
Fed my hunger of the fruit of your womb. " - I really like this stanza, I think it's a very fresh description. No cliches here.

"Can you see the bruise that was
Laid upon my chest?
Underneath the branch is wear my heart sings." - Just a spelling error I noticed here. "Wear" should be "where".

"The poisoness of my days...
Spring in my face." - Did you mean to say poisonous?
I like the abrupt ending.

Overall, needs to be looked over again for spelling, grammar, and fluency but it was a nice piece. You express a lot of neat word play and ideas. It gets the points and tone across well. I liked the word choice. Remember to always write with intent. If it doesn't matter to you, it won't reach your reader. Well done. Write on,

-Rynn

[Omikron]

I had a hard time fully understanding the meaning of the poem, however it's written very beautifully with impressive metaphors, it's enthralling in a way.

Thanks for sharing :)

// O

[mercy party]

a random beautiful picture i get in my head. This type of write allows the reader to go in certain corners of the mind. You also create possibilities of personal symbolism. well done, i enjoyed it!

[Coyote Poetry]

This is so good my friend.
"Fruit of my woman,
Woven and dancing within my soul.
Grant me a taste..."
The above lines. I did like. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[JayG]

Words you have, but they're too often unrelated, or inappropriately used. Coccooning, for example, means to stay within one's home. So one can't do it within either a tree trunk of a person's trunk.

I would think that if the person is the tree, each leaf is a story, not the other way around.

And this person is a tree and they have a "tomb?

Combine that with no stanzas and you've lost me.

[sinNsincerity]

You have to think a little harder and acquire some Greek mythology to get the gist of what I'm saying.
Surly I could be blunt and straight out with the meaning, but I have done so in older writings, and now I'm presenting new ways of doing so that goes beyond the norm of stanzas and what not.

[JayG]

• You have to think a little harder and acquire some Greek mythology to get the gist of what I'm saying.

So you require people to study a specific mythology in order to read your work? And then, they must divine your intent for a given line in order to make it meaningful?

What's the payoff for all that unaccustomed work? What does the reader get that's better than a poem that entertains without having to be a specialist on mythology, to justify that extra work?

Problem is, that when you read, each line points to knowledge, images, and memories, all contained in your mind and driven by your intent.

But the reader has only what the words and their placement suggest to them, based on THEIR background. So for your reader, each line points to knowledge, images, and memories, all contained in YOUR mind and driven by YOUR intent. And since you're not there to explain...

• and now I'm presenting new ways of doing so that goes beyond the norm of stanzas and what not.

Leaving out paragraphing isn't innovation.

When you do things like that for purpose, because you're adding a dimension not available by conventional means ,it's called innovation. But you can only innovate when you know conventional techniques well enough to perceive that there is a need.

[sinNsincerity]

Well didn't Shakespeare assume people knew Greek Literature when he wrote Venus and Adonis, or did he have to explain it to his audience and readers? If you write a poem about your culture, heritage, etc., and If I don't understand what you are talking about, I have a responsibility to do some research on that subject. And I write for myself first and foremost. I don't have to share it if I don't want to, but I do so so people may have a different perspective whether they understand it or not and I'm not going to dumb myself down so people get what I'm saying Read Emily Dickinson. Read Walt Whitman. There's so much things that they write that make a person say, "what the hell is going on here," should they be discredited? Poetry is an art form and it holds different value to each individual. What you see as beautiful may not be beautiful to the person next to you. If you didn't like it, you could have simply moved on to the next read rather than trying to shoot me down.

[JayG]

• Well didn't Shakespeare assume people knew Greek Literature when he wrote Venus and Adonis,
read more• Well didn't Shakespeare assume people knew Greek Literature when he wrote Venus and Adonis,

But his audience did.

• If you write a poem about your culture, heritage, etc., and If I don't understand what you are talking about, I have a responsibility to do some research on that subject.

An erroneous assumption. No one wants to read poetry that can only be made sense of if they must stop mid-read, and study. Readers are volunteers, not conscripts. You either please them, as they read, or you've failed. You can, of course, prove me wrong by selling the piece.

• And I write for myself first and foremost.

No you don't. Were that true you wouldn't post it here looking for praise.

But that aside, why are you reacting so strongly, and trying to convince me I should study mythology in order to understand?

Here's the deal: if you're not willing to learn the basics of poetry—a field that's been under development for centuries—and you aren't writing to please others, why in the pluperfect hells did you ask me, someone who deals in structure and accessability to critique it?

[sinNsincerity]

I think you need to read more buddy...

[JayG]

You did ask.

[EssenceofDaringx]

I loved this so much. All the little metaphors that wove a tangled love story. Good job one again Sin.