Daphne

Daphne

A Poem by sinNsincerity

You are my

Poetree.

Each story holds its leaf,

But deeper I go

Cause I wanna see your roots.

Cocooning in your trunk...

Allow us to grow from within.

Drenched with your nectar,

Pour me a shot.

Save me a minute; rather,

I want to lay in it,

So there's no need for olive oil baths.

The discovery of your tomb has

Fed my hunger of the fruit of your womb.

Fruit of my woman,

Fruit of my Moon,

Woven and dancing within my soul.

Grant me a taste...

Can you see the craters that were

Bruised upon my chest?

Underneath the branch is where my heart rest.

The poisoness of my days...

Spring in my face.


© 2017 sinNsincerity



Author's Note

sinNsincerity
Gothpel
Calling on the Muses
Let me Worship yoU

My Review

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Featured Review

Wow, very poetic. Love your choice of words and how you weaved them. I like that you avoid filler words and have an immense amount of meaning in your context.

My favorite line: "Can you see the bruise that was
Laid upon my chest?
Underneath the branch is where my heart sings." Well done, I'll be reading more of your work.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Months Ago

Thank you so much, I'm more than glad that you enjoyed it! Take care and have a great day.
MoonChild

3 Months Ago

I totally agree with the above review, couldn't had written it better myself



Reviews

A very enchanting and passionate write
Allow us to grow from within.
Drenched with your nectar,
A very lucky fair maiden... enjoyed reading this romance :)

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

Thank you Hebe for thinking so, but there is no fair maiden as of the moment. I write for my past lo.. read more
Hebe

8 Months Ago

And with beautiful words and your sincerity you will my friend :)
Very intriguing notion of calling for inspiration. It's almost like a sonnet, but it's prose. I enjoyed this a lot - mostly because it gave me a Greek vibe without pulling out all of the jargon used in the mythos.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

Indeed, I've studied Shakespeare's sonnet's for years and have written some myself but I do enjoy le.. read more
A good job on this piece...

Posted 8 Months Ago


"Underneath the branch is wear my heart sings.
The poisoness of my days...
Spring in my face." Beautifully written!

Posted 8 Months Ago


"You are my
Poetree." - I like the play on words, but perhaps to avoid confusion it should be "Poet-tree"

"Each story holds its leaf,
But deeper I go " - very neat concept, but for fluency/flow sake, I would suggest:

"But the deeper I go"

"Cause I wanna see your roots.
Cocooning through your trunk..." - again, I really like where you're going with this. I noticed a couple things here, grammatically and stylistically. When using dots to trail off a thought, four is the correct usage:

"...."

and stylistically, I noticed ever line is capitalized, meaning that readers will read it as a new sentence. If that is your intention, then pay me no mind, but It gives the piece less room to flow nicely and comes across as choppy.

"Save me a minute; rather,
I want to lay in it," - I really liked this line. Very neat way of describing this feeling.

"So there's no need for olive oil baths.
The discovery of your tomb has
Fed my hunger of the fruit of your womb. " - I really like this stanza, I think it's a very fresh description. No cliches here.

"Can you see the bruise that was
Laid upon my chest?
Underneath the branch is wear my heart sings." - Just a spelling error I noticed here. "Wear" should be "where".

"The poisoness of my days...
Spring in my face." - Did you mean to say poisonous?
I like the abrupt ending.

Overall, needs to be looked over again for spelling, grammar, and fluency but it was a nice piece. You express a lot of neat word play and ideas. It gets the points and tone across well. I liked the word choice. Remember to always write with intent. If it doesn't matter to you, it won't reach your reader. Well done. Write on,

-Rynn



Posted 8 Months Ago


I had a hard time fully understanding the meaning of the poem, however it's written very beautifully with impressive metaphors, it's enthralling in a way.

Thanks for sharing :)

// O

Posted 8 Months Ago


a random beautiful picture i get in my head. This type of write allows the reader to go in certain corners of the mind. You also create possibilities of personal symbolism. well done, i enjoyed it!

Posted 8 Months Ago


This is so good my friend.
"Fruit of my woman,
Woven and dancing within my soul.
Grant me a taste..."
The above lines. I did like. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Months Ago


Words you have, but they're too often unrelated, or inappropriately used. Coccooning, for example, means to stay within one's home. So one can't do it within either a tree trunk of a person's trunk.

I would think that if the person is the tree, each leaf is a story, not the other way around.

And this person is a tree and they have a "tomb?

Combine that with no stanzas and you've lost me.



Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

JayG

8 Months Ago

• Well didn't Shakespeare assume people knew Greek Literature when he wrote Venus and Adonis,
read more
sinNsincerity

8 Months Ago

I think you need to read more buddy...
JayG

8 Months Ago

You did ask.
I loved this so much. All the little metaphors that wove a tangled love story. Good job one again Sin.

Posted 8 Months Ago



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Added on March 4, 2017
Last Updated on October 27, 2017

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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"It was about that time I realized that searching was my symbol, the emblem of those who go out at night with nothing in mind, the motives of destroyer of compasses." Hopscotch -Julio Cortazar .. more..

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