Eleven 'Till Six

Eleven 'Till Six

A Poem by sinNsincerity

You stole my heart and

I never asked for it back.

I allowed you to keep it

and now you're just as damned

as I am.

Don't you dare

and curse me with those

words that focus upon the stars.

Are you feeling restless?

Don't reply.

I go against thee.

I dream of your cries.

In my mind, I'm provided a glimpse.

But I won’t tell you,

Because they are all mine.

And that's divine.

That's enough, so

Don't touch and torture

Me with dancing lies.



© 2018 sinNsincerity



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Featured Review

Hello.

I enjoy your poem for it has an essence I like, a pure dark and dark pure essence, that paints a harmonious contrast between two (metaphorically) different persons that are, in reality, the same. Further, it typifies the darkened vision of someone's opinion on love, an inner voice. That inner voice is an echo of desperation and adust remains, blaming the one who stole the heart (center of love) getting cursed by it, falling in love too. As a spectral reflection, the one who stole reflected the bitter vices of the heart, trying to curse its owner, where we can see how the former owner was affected by this center of love. The inner voice tells that it has been through the new owner's thoughts, knowing the divine disaster, understanding. A glimpse. The inner voice keeps lying about the worthy elements the heart has, hypnotizing the new owner, letting him/her believe in the chalky power of love.

In short, the poesy summarizes the displeasures of love, its chains, its locks, desperation and a cosmic divinity that controls the edges of the mentioned sensations.

I urge you to invent your own words for when you want to describe something and don't know how (it is poetry, you can simply juggle with those figures of speech). For example, " dancing lies", "dancing" is a very used adjective in poetry. I'm not telling you that it isn't good or that you shouldn't use it, but I would love to see writers inventing their own language, their own way to express the soul.

About grammar mistakes:
"And that's devine."--->" And that's divine."

Concluding, the idea of the poem is well-expressed, the title is well-chosen and it is melodious. As one more advice, I propose you to use a more poetic language, poetic words, for it will soak the poesy in a perfect disaster of meaning and art.

I was really glad to read your poem and I hope you didn't take anything I said personal because my opinion is humble. Until next time...Farewell!

Posted 6 Months Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Jes' Pi

6 Months Ago

I"ll Look for them.
Thank you.
sinNsincerity

6 Months Ago

I did very much enjoy your initial analysis though. I love the insight that you had brought forth.
Jes' Pi

6 Months Ago

thank you very much



Reviews

In strong words, you capture the damned fate of love. I often cannot understand why we even call 'it' love when it inevitably falls into the same rut of negativity. Must be something to do with the resilient human spirit. I enjoyed this poem a lot. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

Because God is love. To know God is to know love, and I keep falling inlove with women who don't kno.. read more
New love, it's said, can lead a fool astray
while waiting as the Moths carouse and play
Take care of old love's getting in the way
those moth holes might let in the light of day

Reflections from the world of dreams he's found,
leave passions unfulfilled as barren dust.
Have I not left a morsel to renown?
She needs not praise, but needs a smile of trust

The search for love turns every lonely rock
chasing notions here and there and when
The questions pique the interest of the flock
then shakes down all those yesterdays again


Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

6 Months Ago

Quite Acquainted

Make me feel so good...

No favors

Por.. read more
I think this is one of your finest writes. You always go deep, which I admire, but sometimes I get lost in your words. I was able to follow your emotions and felt understanding in your poem. I can see growth and maturity in your writing.
Peace,
Richie b.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

6 Months Ago

Thanks Rich, I try to please everyone.
Always a pleasure!
This piece is so deep. So much feeling you put into it. And very relatable.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

I have a lot of feelings...
Hatred is the aftermath of betrayal.... Very well written.... Loved it

Posted 6 Months Ago


The rhyme in your poem is suburb! I wish I could rhyme like that. I love the flow of it as well, and the subtle message behind it regarding letting a toxic loved one go. It says a lot while keeping it subtle and I love that about your piece.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

Thank you Tionge, it is always a pleasure to hear from you. And I promise you, I wasn't always so go.. read more
Beautiful pain. That was the first thing that came to mind. Well done.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

...well...
wow, that was sad and beautiful. thank you for sharing that with me

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

You're most welcome Tiffani.
I liked the poem. Honest words and description. I did like the logical ending.
"so
Don't touch and torture
Me with dancing lies"
Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing words and thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

Really though.
There's definitely a vivid conflict at play here.. not just between two who have loved and lost but another conflict that the speaker has within an inner monologue.. fighting to be strong enough to walk away from this toxic and disappointing end of a relationship. The lure of being still bound to them and to respond to them is still there, but it is clear that this person wreaked havoc on your heart, and trying to gain strength in the reality of their toxicity to you is the message I read.. being tempted by those "dancing lies" says it all.. they seduce you and make you think lovely things but you know what's behind them because you've been down this path before...

The content and conflict within are wonderful.. I would just like to feel perhaps a little more fluidity in the cadence and perhaps some even punchier action and descriptive words. The pain is felt, but word choice and rhythm could take this to an even higher level. Well done though!! Thanks so much for sharing!!

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

Not disappointing, just... Nvm...
Alexa Apothic Red

3 Months Ago

Oh, I’m sorry. Bad interpretation on my part!! Still great writing!! So glad you spoke on this! :)
sinNsincerity

3 Months Ago

Don't be sorry, it can mean whatever you want

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21 Reviews
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Added on February 22, 2018
Last Updated on February 23, 2018

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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