Determination and Loyalty

My first pseudo rap poem. I hope you like it.

Writing can be so exciting, relieving, even

 But poetry can be deceiving

Leaving you believing that receiving words on a page 

Can show you someone else’s rage

 

Revealing different meaning for every being or age

Feening a display so sage that you pay with every word you say 

Feeding and leading you into an emotion beating

Now you feel like I do, chewed on like dog food

 Like reality is old news and the lies are reviewed as true

 Now you’re nude

 Out there for everyone to see

 

Never to be given faith 

Paying fees a wraith

A demon punched in the face

 

And you feel like you can’t breathe 

Cause you’re in space disgraced defaced erased 

Because you can’t copy and paste 

The theories they debased inside your brain

 

Clinically insane, in pain

A bleeding blood stain please refrain from cleaning me up

 

Because I want to remain remembered this December 

Before it’s lights out and I’m dismembered 

I will continue to write fire 

Through the embers of what I believe in

 

A real reason for my existence

So much resistance but my persistence has brought this instance 

To imprint what I’ve waiting for since an infant

To show that difference of opinion doesn’t give one the synonym to make another a minion

 

And I’m beginning to try and win one 

For the sad son who finally grew some 

And stood up for his people before they died

 

Because in the end

At best I’ll know 

At least I f*****g tried yo

 

So let it rain and snow 

I will show you reality 

If I have to open your eyelids myself and spit the truth at your face

 

I’m not a disgrace.

 

I know how determination and loyalty tastes

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[mattavelli]

Hello, Jack, thank you for entering my contest! :)
Your use of rhythm, rhyme, and assonance made for a fun read. I saw one or two issues with language, but nothing that disturbed the meaning of the phrase.

[Jackie]

writing and poetry can be quite therapeutic.. And clensing... Was definitely a different catagory but still your words. You style. Beautiful and so true

[wordman]

a therapeutic write for many,never a disgrace,just a man with all the baggage we carry

[Najam Us Saher]

Liked the first stanza a lot. I feel this was different from rest of your writings, good job. Keep writing.

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Thank you for your support over all these months, I don't reply to reviews much (even though I read all of them) but I'm just really happy you keep reading my work, and reviewing it. I really appreciate it!

[Najam Us Saher]

You are most welcome, stay happy and blessed always.

[Sachi Ruaya]

This poem gives a punch in the face to the reader. I also like the way your formatted your stanzas. At the first few stanzas, you held a consistent 4,3,4 line. I don't know whether it is deliberate or not, but well done. And then you kinda mash up the amount of line in each stanza. This is an pure example of writing as a art.

Good Read. The theme I also liked

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I noticed that your a musician. Feel free to use any of my poems in anything you feel it could add to. Same thing with my short stories. Use my writing to your hearts content, it would be exciting to see pieces of my work in yours

[Sachi Ruaya]

Thanks! And sure thing! I'll make sure I credit you if I use any of your works as a prompt or collaboration.