"Eternal"

A poem about a man giving his life for his fair lady within dire times but everything is not all that it seems....

God’s she is just so mesmerizing why I must say she’s perfect in every way and those perfectly lined fangs make me want to just sink my teeth in her pale nape and let me shower her with small love bites just as she did to me that one ephemeral night where she took my life.

Mind you I don’t mean only in the metaphorical sense for you see she took my heart right from my chest’s warm grasp and pulled me into her icy embrace and told me to drink the blood flowing from her veins.

I did as I was told to do so and drank from her wrist I felt as If though I should not resist; more rather I held no such wish and so she said with her gentle seductive tone.

“You are now mine.”

Now this was ages ago, back when swords and shields were waged in blood and stone back before the age of moral aggression took heeded discussion.

Back before man built the printing press, before men and women were considered equal, way before we trudged through trenches instead upon horseback battles and midnight duels for a damsel's hand in being wedded.

No, my Mistress and I have seen this all unravel and unfold but peace was never always guaranteed for you see my fair lady was viewed upon as a disgrace, just a creature of the night lurking in tombs till rising from her coffin after afternoon for a village attack.

Yes it is true she drank blood as the legends had said however she was pure and only fed upon small wild life, My lady was no different from you and me she only feasted on what we all eat.

She kept her urge in check and should she need more I was there to make sure has properly eaten from upon my neck or off anywhere else she behests.

I am her’s she will never be “Mine” however I shall not ponder aimlessly as this relationship has stood the test of time… I need only her love to be shown and like the hole where my heart once used to stand now closed and sewn by her tender hand.

So it’s not that I learned how to use my heart less it's just that I’m in fact heartless but I know where it is it’s with my Mistress ever since I presented it to her as a gift.

For her to see my unshaken loyalty and that I accept her wholly and that should I lose her trust she can easily dispose of me, the blood still pumps air rhythming a constant beat all it takes is one pinch and she will watch me bleed.

I am her forsaken Knight clad in blood stained steel from head to heel, all from the countless many foolish foes who wished to harm my Queen or those who felt themselves to be her “King”

This irks me like no other, how dare they think themselves better?

These impudent whelps think that they hold wisdom with their age I lived twice the life they have and my Mistress… I never asked….. Its rude to question a lady’s amount of years they've grown.

Many night’s were lit upon the flowing rain of red all that I have shed so she may not dirty her own hand's.

Leave the groveling maggots for me to step on instead like any other pest infestation.

Peasants, Noblemen and even Kings have been slain by my blade, none shall ever forsake my lady’s good name by slandering her to be just a feeble vampire.

How dare they scoff at the power she continues to hold back?

I am her shield I fight against all that cause her harm, a hand touches her wrong?

I lop off the arm and tell them to be thankful it was not their life that paid the price.

I am her thrall now and forever for ever since she met me with those incandescent eyes I was enthralled and knew finally who I should give my life to, of course I held no clues that It was not just a figurative answer but it matters not anymore.

As I said many decades perhaps a few centuries has passed since that unforgettable night and though She may live forever my expectancy is still indefinite as I am still if not barely human.

Sadly no amount of dark magic or spell bound sorcery will stop the failing… My heart has begun to rot my time is running out.

….Dear Mistress my humble Queen did I honor you as your chosen Knight?

……. As I had thought the world of you and all you say, was I a good companion, did I meet your undying expectations?

....….. My lady I ask for your forgiveness for what I shall soon say, but please I beseech you may I have your name, the one before the affliction set in?

……...My dear savior lend your ear it’s becoming harder to hear……….. I wish to die in your loving grasp while you sing a lullaby to lull me to sleep.

………….. I never got ….The chance….. I suppose….. You already knew…… Myla My “Merciful” Queen… I…..Lov-........................

“Hush my darling I had always known, sleep my love and may we meet once again in eternity.”

Author's Note

By the way for those who read the writing "Myla" is a name in the Medieval times that was given to ladies of royalty it means "Merciful"... Just food for the thought.

Reviews

[Njeri Brooks]

The emotional dynamic between the male lead and the female lead is very interesting. Most of the work I've read has been told from the girl's perspective. But it's nice to read how incomplete a guy like the mc (main character) feels before finding his missing piece.

While it is kind of different because of the perspective, I still fell in love with how the guy says he is heartless (because his heart is with his lady). **awww**

(***sigh*** If only real life could be like that.)

It's obvious the guy really admires her and even goes as far as to kind of put her on a pedestal. I just think it's a shame that he thinks she is not his.

Also, this may seem weird. Don't take this the wrong way, but the emotional level of trust he has with her almost reminds me of the emotional trust between a Dominate and a Submissive. In my opinion that's a VERY good thing, so don't take that as an offense.

I get this from reading the paragraph that says
"[f]or her to see my...she will watch me bleed."

In addition to this, I really like how you give the character chivalry, but you avoid the old "knight in shinning armor" stereotype. Kudos!!

You also gave a vivid depiction of the mc being covered in blood from "head to heel", and that was something I though was pretty unique as I was expecting you to say from "head to toe".

Also, I kinda swooned a bit when the mc said "I am her thrall now...but it matters not anymore."
Very great romance!!! Love the stuff.

***sigh*** Man, I hate sad endings.

Throughout the poem, I was thinking that she was just using him, but you proved me wrong. And I'm so GLAD you did!!!

It was really tear-jerking when he was giving voice to his final questions and worries. It just connected with me on a very deep level.

Then you picked up the unanswered questions with the "hush...again in eternity" bit, and I REALLY almost started crying... Plus, it made the ending bitter sweet.

I don't often have that reaction... but when I read his final words and her reply, I connected it to my own personal loss.

Maybe I was just projecting my emotions onto this Romance tale. Maybe I interpreted things wrong.

But I don't regret reading this because it's jumped into my top favorite writings on Writer's Cafe.

P.S. Your writing style was easier to read in this one.

Thank you for sharing something that is able to feel so personal.

P.P.S. Proof reading is key. There weren't very many mistakes in this piece, but there were some.

[Sir_Anonymous]

Thank you for the read and I'm glad that you enjoyed this so much plus technically it is a submissive and dominant realationship as a thrall is a higher vampires servant for life or until they are resleased or deemed unworthy.

From what it seems like my romantic side is on key as you swooned with the protagonists selfless dialogue.

Yeah I wrote a bittersweet ending with the whole dead but we shall meet again.

They were practically immortal after all so they're realationship was one of many conflicts and resolutions thus strengthening their bond to something a little more from master and servant.

And he meant she owns him and his life literally when he said but she will never be mine.

[Njeri Brooks]

Hmm. Random question: Have you ever tried to write from a girl's perspective?

Cause this seems almost seems like a part one out of two. (hint: will there be one from the girl's perspective?)

[Sir_Anonymous]

Also I like the antihero's more than the boy scouts you see in other writing's or literature.

I made it apparent to not over romantise the medieval times with the dragons and princesses in danger stereotype.

While also ironically keeping the overall romance described rather high despite the dark times and hardships they faced on the journey.

Also the story is said from the guys eyes as his whole life is flashing before his eyes until he goes back to the present and asks the questions he held back for centuries.

Also I'm a guy so it's easier to write from another male's perspective on his live life versus a woman's without maybe using over panderized stereotypes you see on television or other literature thus making it seem weaker In comparison.

In my opinion of course.

[Sir_Anonymous]

(Love life)

[Njeri Brooks]

haha, same.

[Sir_Anonymous]

Of course I can always give it a try to perhaps write about what happens to her afterwards when her most faithful subject whom she thought the world of too dies and leaves her alone again.

[Njeri Brooks]

The story makes more sense when you say that it's actually his life flashing before his eyes...
read moreThe story makes more sense when you say that it's actually his life flashing before his eyes...

idk why I didn't pick up on that.

[Sir_Anonymous]

But I think we both know how it's going to end based on how her last sentence in this was framed.

[Sir_Anonymous]

In fact the sentence was framed like so ylthe reader could see the

[Njeri Brooks]

Yep. that part is pretty obvious

[Sir_Anonymous]

Too quick on my typing lol

The reader could see how it ended for both of them as they have lived for centuries already and now her only true companion is gone therefore what would be the point in continuing to live?

[Njeri Brooks]

Your fine. I just have to keep refreshing my page.. **sigh**

True. It could end like that, but I'm kinda like a hopeless romantic when it comes to things like this. I think I'll just fantasize about a happier ending for her. I mean, he probably would wish for his girl to continue to live and maybe find happiness...

[Njeri Brooks]

you're****

[Sir_Anonymous]

In a world with no resemblance to one they met in... In a world where she knows no one else... In a world more difficult to win against as the population of humans grew to staggering levels compared to the era of Knights and Honor... The world also became less beautiful as the lush greens of forests that they camped in underneath the stars or perhaps just frolicking around in the meddows are all gone... And now the one person who stayed with her and made her feel whole was taken from her by the cruel devil known as "Time"

truly not a happy ending but it's a realistic ending to me that will tug at heart strings till you feel the bittersweet sting.

[Njeri Brooks]

...God. Man, I think I'm going to have subscribe to you. I feel like writing in verse in in your blood or something. lol :)

[Sir_Anonymous]

Did not notice you commented again already so I hope that last message was not passive aggressive to you... With it sounding like I'm saying you're wrong and I'm right... There is nothing to really be right about.

And that is 100% fine reading is always up for the audience's interpretation which is why I love stories so much as generally you can try to figure out who's the real "Good guy" and who's the "Bad guy" it's all up for interpretation to me writing is the mother to interpretation as not everyone will agree with the ending and thus alter it to they're liking instead by writing their own ending or just thinking of it in their head as the "True" end.

[Njeri Brooks]

No!! Not at all, I actually like debating with people about things like this. (lol, especially with some of my friends.)

I'm not exactly saying your wrong/right either. I just like giving my opinion and getting to hear the opinion of others as well.

[Njeri Brooks]

lol, sorry if this seemed annoying or anything.

[Sir_Anonymous]

Lol a bit heavy of a response but that's fine ^_^

also really glad you like my way of writing here's to me coming up with something better or at least up to par that can further entertain and mayhaps sate your new found passion you've now found in my creative inspirations :)

[Njeri Brooks]

Cheers on that!

lol, tbh I'm more a reader than a writer anyway. However, you should venture onto my page and see what you think of the chapter in "Distraction".

[Sir_Anonymous]

Alright I'll give my eyes soon ;)

And while your still interested please read my "Destroyer of The World" poem that I also wrote earlier this week :)

[Njeri Brooks]

Great! "Destroyer of The World" here I come. :)