Forever

The night is dark

The moon is full and bright

I’m not a wolf so,

I didn’t have to think twice

I love him and that’s all

I care about.

 

You’re special

That’s why you must live forever

This is a cemetery

But it’s beautiful

Under the moon

Now take a breath

And wait to die

Tomorrow you’ll wake

Up as a vampire at my empire.

 

Love's Forever

You’ll always remember

That first touch, that first kiss

I will always be there

And that’s why you must live forever

 

You love me, that’s why you’re here

You’re no longer human but

You’re thankful,You’re not a

Victim, you’re not a slave               Forever!

You’re my soulmate!

Always mine, Always together, Forever!     F Forever!

Reviews

[Caradoc]

Greetings from the host of the contest "Of Blood and Eternity".

This is a nice piece. You've woven together love and romance with the supernatural aspect of the immortal vampire. Through simple word choice you've created a good poem that tells a story of a creature, in love with a mortal, that chooses to make them alike, rather than losing him. I would say the theme is a staple of vampire romance. In regards to the last lines of the piece, I both like them and dislike them.

"Always mine, always together, forever" strikes me as something a vampire would feel towards their chosen significant other. True, many humans feel this way when they're "in love". I dislike it though for that very same reason. It's possessive, selfish, and unlike real love at all. I get the feeling the narrator, if rejected, would respond with the "if I can't have you, no one will," attitude.

In closing, this poem has vampires, it has eternity, but the blood isn't there. I get a strong Twilight feel from this, both that kind of love and that kind of vampiric style. I don't sense the ever present blood lust all vampires come with in this piece. And though it fits the criteria I asked for, it is missing something that would cause it to place in my contest, something more...undead.

So thank you for entering my contest.

-Caradoc

[Sophistication]

I don't get the think twice part, seems....silly, the whole wolf thing. A poem about love and here you are mentioning wolves. I don't fully understand why you mentioned the moon and it being night time. If you were meeting with the 'love' at that time, why not use more imagery for the night time love gathering? And I get this Twilight love feel to it with the cemetery and love and obsession going on.

[freelancejouster]

the repetition of the word "i" in the first stanza feels odd and clumsy. the end of the second stanza feels like a different poem than the rest of it, the wording is just strange. i really like the emotions weaving through this, though, i can feel how strong they are.

[Swapz747]

Love after life is really imperishable love .. Liked the way you described the theme which really touched deeply ..Keep it Up .. :-)

["jens books".]

love this poem great job

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe a nice tale of a vampire and her mate. I like the desire and the ending. I like the description and the strong ending. Thank you for a outstanding poem.
Coyote