What it Means to Win

What it Means to Win

A Story by Delicate Pelican
"

A quick blurb. My first submission of any kind to any website. Please tear it to pieces.

"

The black car was idling at an intersection in Akron, Ohio.  The sky was wide and blue. Cumulus clouds were lazy mountains of cotton, drifting without care.  From time to time one would be so bold as to try and blot out the summer sun.  It was a humid day, and the windows of the black sedan were rolled down.  Its chrome bumpers were a mirror for the sun.  When the traffic light turned the engine spoke up.  The muffler rattled and spewed exhaust as the vehicle continued through town.


***


“Do you think he’ll ever come home?”

“Of course, Child.”

“Because he promised?”

“He promised,” agreed Mary Johnson.  Time had brought wrinkles to her face and dimmed her sight, but her back was still straight and her hands were sure.  She was busy in her kitchen, kneading dough.  The radio crackled in the background while her youngest daughter capered about in bare feet, fussing over a worn stuffed bear and chatting incessantly.

“He can’t miss Christmas again, he wasn’t supposed to be gone this long.”

Mary turned from her flour-dust and rolling pin, “Elizabeth, child, I need you to bring me more water.  Bucket’s by the door.  And take care you don’t spill half of it on the way back this time!”

Elizabeth was eight.  Her hair was honey and her eyes were hazel.   Growing up on a farm wasn’t always easy, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.  She loved chasing chickens through the yard and sharing crunchy carrots with Harold, the stubborn old horse in the barn.  She helped as much as she could.  With people going away all the time, every little bit she did was appreciated.  The day was hot, but the earth was cool beneath her feet and she hummed her way to the well.  The bucket was heavy when full, forcing Elizabeth to exchange her careless trot for slow, measured steps.


***


The road the black car turned down was both uneven and unpaved.  Out here, beyond the hustle and bustle of Akron, the land opened up and crops far outnumbered curbs.  The rain had abstained and the soil was thirsty.   Dust rose from the fenders of the black car, swirling and spreading as the vehicle bounced along.  Eventually, the dirt road came to a T.  To the left, in the distance, was a farmhouse with a fence in need of repair and a barn peeling paint.  To the right the road followed a dried up, rocky stream bed into a fallow expanse of brown.  The car swung left, beckoned by a smoking cobblestone chimney.

The sedan groaned to a stop.  The midday sun was cruel and omnipresent.  The man opened his door and deliberately unfolded himself from the driver’s seat.  It was a long trip and he relished the chance to stretch.  He looked about the property and allowed himself a long sigh.  Gravel crunched under his polished shoes as he strode up the drive and to the house.  A young girl in a faded sundress was padding his way, sloshing water from a stout wooden bucket and shouting “Peter! Mama! Mama, Peter’s come back!”  After stepping onto the creaky porch, the man straightened his hat.  He rapped on the door three times and cleared his throat.


***


Elizabeth came around the corner just as the rolling pin fell from her mother’s usually confident grip.  It clattered across the chipped and splitting boards of the porch, but no one seemed to notice.  Mary was leaning heavily on the door frame and slowly sliding to her knees.  Her legs wobbled and gave out, and she began to sob, repeating over and over “He promised…”  The officer knelt before her, his white gloved hands offering her an American flag folded into a tight triangle.

“This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation as an expression of appreciation for the honorable and faithful service rendered by your loved one…”

© 2016 Delicate Pelican


Author's Note

Delicate Pelican
This is my first submission to this, or any website. Feedback would be welcome.

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Featured Review

Wow! A story of a patriot! I haven't come across one like this lately! This was just heart ripping. For some reason in the end I thought of her interrupting him in the middle of his dialogue and saying "I've always known..." Right after saying "...grateful nation..." And the man nervously leaving. But that's just wat popped into my head.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Delicate Pelican

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your feedback and suggestions! I thought about how to best end it, and really.. read more
Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

8 Years Ago

I can truthfully say that I wasnt, it gave me hints to doubt his arrival witth the cruel sun and oth.. read more



Reviews

Aww another sad one :( very well written and structured. Not too long or too short...very well done :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It's kind of sad, this is something that a lot of people can relate to because it happens. A broken promise in death leaves a hole in the heart for sure. Great story keep up the good work!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Autonomous

8 Years Ago

Oh and I forgot but you should space out the dialogue more each time a character speaks it should be.. read more
Delicate Pelican

8 Years Ago

Ahhh thank you sir!
It was heart touching. Very nice, keep it up. It was a very gripping story.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

At first my thoughts was the scene from interstellar, the farm house and the feel? very real and I can relate having my best friend in Iraq for two tours, This is very nice and I like how you written it. The best part was the tension in the story and made me wonder if they were talking about if he was came back mentally or in a whole then it was just the flag that came back. Then it was Saving Private Ryan I thought about. This would be a great entrance for a longer story if someone else left and went to war as they could look back on this moment of their life and they could know what its like to say " I promise I will return In my opinion a great stepping stone for a greater character in any writing setting....

chuck

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Delicate Pelican

8 Years Ago

I just sat down yesterday and this came out. It was never my intention to rip off those movies, but.. read more
Mr_Goth

8 Years Ago

indeed you did! i never thought you ripped them off and it has been said that for every idea you com.. read more
Wow! A story of a patriot! I haven't come across one like this lately! This was just heart ripping. For some reason in the end I thought of her interrupting him in the middle of his dialogue and saying "I've always known..." Right after saying "...grateful nation..." And the man nervously leaving. But that's just wat popped into my head.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Delicate Pelican

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your feedback and suggestions! I thought about how to best end it, and really.. read more
Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

8 Years Ago

I can truthfully say that I wasnt, it gave me hints to doubt his arrival witth the cruel sun and oth.. read more

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Added on March 3, 2016
Last Updated on March 4, 2016

Author

Delicate Pelican
Delicate Pelican

Macedon, NY



About
Hi, I'm Joe. Constructive criticism is welcome! more..

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