Nature Close to Home

Nature Close to home 
 

Nature Close to Home BY Jim Smith Pure blooded American Boy Living to close to nature A walk in the forest God rest his heart The excitement is to much to bear This American Boy  Comes out of no where He like to be next to the creeks lakes and streams where the wild Ducks and Geese can drink the foul water The America you used to know now polluted its rivers and streams and the Native Indian cries in disgust When he sees what industrial America Has done to his lands where his children once  Ran free to hunt and fish now the hunting grounds  are parking lots and the fishing streams  are polluted with chemical waste and the Native Indian dies inside  as they drove him off the land he loved Starved his family and put them away  on a reservation to sit and be wasted Away As America is more and more polluted  each day that goes bye and bye.

Reviews

[Kathrin S]

I'm not a poetry writer myself, so I'm not an expert, but here are my thoughts.

Idea/Theme: Loved the theme you chose. It's very relevant and I can relate. The picture fits well and had me interested in the poem.

Language: I could picture the situation well. Good description of the nature (creeks, lakes, streams etc.) and interesting contrast between what it used to be like and what it is like now.

Formal: There are some spelling mistakes: "to(o) much to bare" should be 'bear'
"creeks(,) lakes and streams"
"(C)an drink the foul water(.)"
"When he sees what industries ..." Here, either put 'industry', or 'have done', to be consistent.
Also, be consistent about capitalizing the first letter of a line.

Overall I really liked it. I thought the length was perfect - long enough to be interesting, but not too much so people don't tune out. Some very nice lines - I really liked the first one, the last one in the 3rd stanza, the first one in the 6th stanza, and the entire last stanza.