Nature Close to Home

Nature Close to Home

A Poem by SmittyJas

Nature Close to home 
Nature Close to Home
BY Jim Smith

 photo 2c88f767-9b4c-45d4-a4a8-007f2098b9e4_zpsgcrmvgxp.jpg

Pure blooded American Boy
Living to close to nature
A walk in the forest God rest his heart
The excitement is to much to bear

This American Boy 
Comes out of no where
He like to be next to the creeks lakes and streams
where the wild Ducks and Geese

can drink the foul water
The America you used to know
now polluted its rivers and streams
and the Native Indian cries in disgust

When he sees what industrial America
Has done to his lands
where his children once 
Ran free to hunt and fish

now the hunting grounds 
are parking lots
and the fishing streams 
are polluted with chemical waste

and the Native Indian dies inside 
as they drove him off the land he loved
Starved his family and put them away 
on a reservation to sit and be wasted Away

As America is more and more polluted 
each day that goes bye and bye.

© 2016 SmittyJas

My Review

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I'm not a poetry writer myself, so I'm not an expert, but here are my thoughts.

Idea/Theme: Loved the theme you chose. It's very relevant and I can relate. The picture fits well and had me interested in the poem.

Language: I could picture the situation well. Good description of the nature (creeks, lakes, streams etc.) and interesting contrast between what it used to be like and what it is like now.

Formal: There are some spelling mistakes: "to(o) much to bare" should be 'bear'
"creeks(,) lakes and streams"
"(C)an drink the foul water(.)"
"When he sees what industries ..." Here, either put 'industry', or 'have done', to be consistent.
Also, be consistent about capitalizing the first letter of a line.

Overall I really liked it. I thought the length was perfect - long enough to be interesting, but not too much so people don't tune out. Some very nice lines - I really liked the first one, the last one in the 3rd stanza, the first one in the 6th stanza, and the entire last stanza.

Posted 2 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on August 25, 2016
Last Updated on August 30, 2016



Pittsburgh, PA

Hi My name is Jim been writing poetry for nine years started on AOL with a few new friends on a tuesday night poetry night. We would meet and post poetry and learn from each other and I learned a lot .. more..