Sweet With A Bitter End

Love is in the air,

blowing through her hair,

she shouts she has nothing to wear,

that is her problem to bear,

I believe she should go bare,

let the people stare, but

we must play fair.

 

The sun is out to play,

I wish we could stay,

This way, for more then a day,

I must lay down, look around,

and let my mind wonder under,

the sun, a day full of fun.

 

It was gone in an instant, things were different,

The rain has come, to the call of a drum,

who knows where from? Night is falling, fast

leaving us with our memorys of the past, say goodbye to the light, and hello to our endless fight. I know it will never be quite alright, despite her sweet invite to her sweet laugh of delight.

 

 

Author's Note

Forgive Any Grammar/Spelling Mistakes

Reviews

[gothicchica]

i liked it i expiecaly liked It was gone in an instant, things were different,
The rain has come, to the call of a drum,

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Loved these lines:
"Night is falling, fast
leaving us with our memorys of the past,"
and also loved this last line:
"despite her sweet invite to her sweet laugh of delight."
The title really fits this, because it is indeed "Sweet With A Bitter End".
I think your terrific at rhyming, rhyming poems seems to be what your best at from what i'v seen. In writing poems, rhyming does seem to force people sometimes to choose a word that points the poem in a different direction or story, feeling then originally wanted and felt... but you seem to do so well, that that doesn't seem to be a problem. You get your feelings, point and story across just well with just the right rhyming words, and it leaves a good truth, feeling, story to it as well, and you have fun with it too. :D

[Miss Coral]

Okay. So. You like rhymes. I get that. Rhymes can be wonderful things. However, I'm sorry to say that this is simply overdone. I'm not a huge rhyming person in general, but especially not when it dominates your words. Don't write your concept around what will fit in that specific place; choose your words and let them flow instead of trying to find a word that will match the last one you used. It sounds forced and awkward. Also, try changing up the sounds, especially in situations like the beginning of the poem. It becomes monotonous if you rhyme everything with the same sound.

Overall, nice sentiments, but the rhyming was too distracting for me to really pay attention to what you were saying.

[Brianna]

hey I really like this poem. It flows really well and has really nice imagery :) I can picture the two of them in my mind in a meadow, and then when the scene changes to night, their at home fighting. This is good

[CharlesMonroe]

I LOVE this :D It's the perfecr poem...just wow (:

[Stormy Weather]

I really wish this website had a "like" button.....great job!!

[sarah]

This is amazing I love the rhyming not a lot people can write great poems with fantastic rhyming it usually doesn't flow well but this did great work!

[Lily Mae]

For two to be bare in the times of the summer sun.. I love it...xx

[ErinLovesYou<3]

Wow, thats really good James! I really like the rhyme scheme, very good flow also.

[TJ]

Very good! Liked all the internal rhymes and the format though some of the lines could be reworded to improve flow.